https://lifehacker.com/use-these-mental-tricks-to-prepare-for-dealing-with-unp-1797464982
Cultivate Compassion Through Mindfulness
The central learning point is that practicing mindfulness can increase your compassion, which in turn helps you deal more effectively with difficult or unpleasant people. Research from Stanford's Compassion Cultivation Training (CCT) program shows that compassion is a skill that can be learned and developed. By actively practicing compassion, you can decrease your own anxiety and increase your sense of calm when faced with challenging social interactions.
Notice Your Own Reactions
Before you can deal with someone else's behavior, you need to be aware of your own internal state. Mindfulness begins with self-awareness. Pay attention to how you're feeling and how your body is reacting in a stressful situation.
- Action Point: When you feel yourself getting anxious or irritated, take a moment to notice what's happening. Are your hands sweating? Is your heart racing? Acknowledging your physical and emotional state is the first step to managing it. Once you're aware of your reaction, you can determine what you need to do to calm yourself, such as taking a few deep breaths.
Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Compassion is about recognizing the suffering of others and being motivated to relieve it. This requires empathy and the ability to see things from another person's perspective. The article suggests that even the most unpleasant people have their own struggles and motivations.
- Action Point: Take a moment to consider the other person's perspective. Recognize that, like you, they have family, friends, goals, and "baggage." This doesn't excuse their behavior, but it can help you to see them as a more complex individual, which can diffuse your own negative feelings.
Let Go of Obsessive Thoughts
Dwelling on a negative interaction or obsessing about a difficult person can keep your brain in a "fight-or-flight" mode. The practice of letting go is a key component of mindfulness and is essential for dealing with unpleasant people in a healthy way.
- Action Point: Acknowledge your anxiety or frustration about a person or situation, and then consciously let the thought go. Meditation can be a powerful tool for training your brain to do this. Instead of ruminating on the negative, you learn to observe your thoughts without getting caught up in them.
Practice Makes Perfect (Start Small)
Compassion is a skill that needs to be practiced. It's not a switch you can just flip on in a high-stakes situation. The article recommends starting with easier targets and gradually working your way up to more challenging relationships.
- Action Point: Start by practicing compassion with yourself and with the people you love. Once you've strengthened your compassion "muscles" in these easier contexts, you can then apply them to more difficult interactions. This gradual approach makes the process less daunting and more likely to succeed.