The YouTube video "Be Confident: Use Body Language to Boost Your Influence & Income" featuring expert Vanessa Van Edwards, a behavioural investigator and founder of Science of People, focuses on charisma as a learned skill that significantly impacts influence, impact, and income. The core message is that people are constantly sending and receiving social signals, often unintentionally, and mastering these signals can transform interactions.
1. Understanding Charisma and Its Importance:
- Definition: Charisma is the "missing ingredient" that triggers success in relationships and professional life, making people take you seriously and feel more confident. It is not an innate trait but a learnable skill.
- Core Components: Highly charismatic people signal a balance of high warmth (trust, likability, friendliness) and high competence (capability, power, effectiveness) at all times.
- Impact: Charisma accounts for 82% of how people evaluate you in every interaction, not just first impressions – including LinkedIn profiles, Zoom calls, phone calls, chats, and emails. It helps you be more influential, successful, and enjoy social settings.
- The "Social Lubricant": Charisma acts as a "lubricant" that smooths conversations and relationships, counteracting "crunchy" awkwardness caused by fear of rejection, criticism, or saying something stupid.
2. Identifying Your Charisma Profile:
- Self-Assessment: Consider whether you are typically high in warmth, high in competence, have a balance, or tend to "under signal".
- High Competence (e.g., Steve Jobs): Often seen as smart, capable, and good at "getting it right" but can be perceived as cold, intimidating, or not collaborative if warmth is lacking. They may struggle with emotions because they can't be "fact-checked".
- High Warmth: Often empathetic, nurturing, and desire to be liked, but can struggle with being respected and may become "people-pleasing doormats".
- Diagnostic Tools:
- Take the free "Science of People Charisma" diagnostic test (scienceofpeople.com/charisma) as yourself, then ask friends, partners, or colleagues to take it as you to reveal your blind spots and how others truly perceive you.
- Record and "code" your Zoom calls or presentations to objectively see your verbal, non-verbal, voice tone, and "ornament" cues.
3. Mastering the "Cheat Sheet" of Charismatic Cues:
For First Impressions (First 10 Seconds of Video/Interaction):
- Show Your Hands: Keep your hands visible; this is a primal survival mechanism that deactivates fear and signals trustworthiness. Hiding hands can activate the amygdala.
- Maintain Proper Distance: For typical Zoom calls, be about a foot and a half away from the camera. Being too close signals intimacy, which might be inappropriate for professional settings.
- Avoid "Up-Talk": Do not end statements with a rising inflection that makes them sound like questions (e.g., "My name is Vanessa?"). This undermines competence, causes people to scrutinize rather than listen, and can lead to lower salaries or being passed over for opportunities.
- Action: Practice speaking on the out-breath and relaxing your vocal cords to achieve a lower, more commanding tone.
Warmth Cues (Signals Trust and Likability):
- Authentic Smiles: A real smile reaches the upper cheek muscles and eyes (crow's feet). Fake smiles only involve the lower half of the face and are less contagious and memorable.
- Slow Triple Head Nod: A nod (one-two-three) is an immediate warm signal and makes the other person speak 67% longer, indicating active listening.
- Head Tilt: Tilting your head slightly signals deep listening and makes you appear warmer.
- Vocalizations: Use "surround sound listening" cues like "um," "oh," "aha," "wow" to make the speaker feel heard and supported.
- Warm Words: Use phrases like
"virtual high five," "digital hug," "so happy to connect," "collaborate,"as these can trigger a physiological response of connection and positive behaviour in others. - Mirroring: Subtly mimic the non-verbal cues of the person you're interacting with (e.g., leaning, nodding, gestures) to build rapport and signal being on the same page.
- Eyebrow Raise: Universally signals "I'm listening, tell me more," or curiosity.
- Empathetic Mirroring: For introverts, observing and mirroring another's emotions (e.g., sadness) shows you care and are taking on their emotional burden.
Competence Cues (Signals Capability and Power):
- Purposeful Hand Gestures: Use gestures that align with your words to demonstrate concepts and make your message more memorable and believable (e.g., holding up two fingers when saying "two things").
- Purposeful Eye Contact: Make eye contact when bonding or connecting, as it produces oxytocin. However, do not maintain 100% eye contact, as looking away when processing information (e.g., complex questions, recalling memories) is a natural and competent behavior.
- Know Your "Lying Tells": Identify what you do physically when you're nervous, afraid, or lying (e.g., hiding hands, touching face, disgust micro-expression). This awareness helps avoid unintentionally signaling inauthenticity or nervousness in important situations.
- Leaning In: Leaning forward slightly activates the brain's "pre-action" part, makes you a better listener, and signals interest, making your message more impactful when speaking.
- Competent Words: Use achievement-oriented words like "win," "succeed," "master," "achieve," or "blast through," "hit goals" in verbal and written communication to encourage productivity and efficiency.
Danger Zone Cues (What to Avoid):
- "Fronting": Always align your body (toes, torso, head) parallel to the camera or person you're interacting with. Angling away signals disengagement.
- Resting Bothered Face: Be aware if your resting expression looks sad, angry, or irritated, and consciously compensate with warmth cues like head nods or vocalizations when listening.
- Fake Smiles: They signal inauthenticity.
- Purposeless Gestures/Fidgeting: Avoid ringing hands, cracking knuckles, or playing with jewelry, as these signal nervousness.
- "Best" as an Email Sign-off: Perceived as phony and socially scripted. Instead, use purposeful sign-offs like "To your success".
4. Handling Disrespect:
- Counter-Intuitive Approach: When disrespected, fight the instinct to withdraw or go on the offensive/defensive. Instead, actively gift warmth and competence.
- Radical Honesty: If gifting cues doesn't work, use direct, radical transparency. State what you observe (e.g., "You seem frustrated?") to allow the other person to correct you or validate their feelings, leading to more productive dialogue.
By understanding and purposefully using these cues, individuals can enhance their charisma, influence how others perceive them, and achieve greater personal and professional success.