I used to think being attractive was all about confidence, teasing, and strong body language, but I was missing something deeper. In this video, I break down the 3 traits of grounded masculinity that most men overlook. These traits make women feel emotionally safe, connected, and irresistibly drawn in.
Grounded Masculinity: A Deeper Principle of Attraction
- Grounded masculinity is a deep, quiet aura that men who know how to engage with the feminine radiate effortlessly.
- It is a trait that women pick up on and respond to incredibly powerfully.
- This trait is key to attracting women almost effortlessly and is helpful in existing romantic relationships.
- A man's safety is highly sensitive to and prioritized by the feminine mode; women spend considerable energy scanning for safety (both physical and emotional), making it almost like a sixth sense that draws them to certain people and away from others.
The Three Pillars of Grounded Masculinity
Grounded masculinity is built upon three core skills, exemplified by the interaction between "Joe" and "Eva" in the *Survivor* example:
- Containment: Providing safety for an emotional experience to exist. This requires two opposing elements:
- Space: Letting the other person have their emotion without immediately fixing it, providing advice, or making it about oneself.
- Boundaries: Sensing when an emotional expression is no longer healthy but is looping in a way that is re-traumatizing or damaging to relationships. In such cases, loving boundaries must be placed (e.g., advising them to take a breath, physically holding them, or stepping out of the room).
- Empathetic Attunement: The ability to feel what other people are feeling without getting lost in those feelings. This means one part of the self is in the emotion with them, while another part maintains a grasp on the bigger picture.
- This skill allows a man to respond to the deeper communication (e.g., responding to "I need help but I'm afraid to trust you," even if the person is literally saying, "I'm okay, get away from me").
- Attunement can be developed over time by giving oneself empathy (feeling one's own feelings) or quickly by mirroring someone’s physiology (e.g., smiling, cringing, leaning in as they do) and then labeling the perceived emotion (e.g., "Wow, that sounds really exciting/scary/confusing").
- Grounding: Offering ways to bring the person back to the concrete reality of now (their feet on the ground, breath in their belly, safety of the moment).
- This is necessary because most emotional episodes involve past hurts or future anxieties, while the present moment is often safe.
- The mistake logical men often make is trying to ground the feminine with logic, which has limited impact.
- The most effective way to ground someone is through co-regulating nervous systems, utilizing the fact that people can feel the emotional states of others in close physical proximity.
- Co-regulation is achieved by taking a deep breath and focusing on a long exhale (e.g., six to eight seconds, possibly through the teeth).
The Role of Internal Integration and Emotional Labor
- Men who effortlessly attract feminine women have integrated their own feminine aspects without being dominated by them.
- This integration requires men to love and care for the feminine parts of themselves by offering a safe place for their own emotional expression.
- Most men, due to cultural conditioning, have very tight emotional limits and typically meet difficult emotions with an attempt to fix, change, or crush them, rather than expressing them in a safe place.
- If a man begins to work through his own emotional storms, he will know exactly what to do with someone else going through similar emotions fairly effortlessly, making others feel deeply supported and grateful for his presence.
- Joe, the character in the example, demonstrated this internal work, supported by the fact that he is physically strong, a father, and a firefighter, traits that signal competence and care.