"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realise that prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes
The key insight from Lewis B. Smedes's quote is that the primary beneficiary of forgiveness is not the person being forgiven, but the person who forgives.
Unforgiveness as a Self-Imposed Prison ⛓️
The quote powerfully reframes the act of holding a grudge. It suggests that when you refuse to forgive someone, you are not really punishing them; you are trapping yourself. This "prison" is built from negative emotions like:
- Resentment: Constantly replaying the hurt and anger consumes your mental and emotional energy. It's like being chained to the past event.
- Anger: Chronic anger can lead to stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems. You become a prisoner to your own hostility.
- Bitterness: This corrosive emotion can poison your outlook on life and damage other relationships, isolating you from joy and connection.
In this state, you are the one carrying the heavy burden. The person who wronged you may be living their life freely, possibly unaware of or untroubled by the emotional turmoil you're experiencing. You are the one serving the sentence.
Forgiveness as an Act of Liberation 🕊️
The second part of the quote reveals the profound release that comes with forgiveness. When you "set a prisoner free," you are making a conscious decision to let go of the anger and resentment you've been holding onto.
- The Revelation: The "aha!" moment of the quote is the realization that you were the prisoner all along. The chains were your own negative feelings.
- Reclaiming Power: Forgiveness is not about condoning the wrong that was done or forgetting it. It is about reclaiming your own peace of mind and emotional freedom. You take back control from the person or event that hurt you.
- Moving Forward: By forgiving, you cut the emotional ties that bind you to the painful past. This act allows you to heal and move forward with your life, no longer defined by the grievance.
Essentially, forgiveness is an act of self-love and self-preservation. It's the key that unlocks your own prison cell, allowing you to walk away from the pain and toward emotional freedom.