Diffuse an argument by asking what the other person wants from it

https://lifehacker.com/diffuse-an-argument-by-asking-what-the-other-person-wan-1797795022

The Core Problem: Arguments Often Obscure the Real Issue

The central learning point is that arguments are often not about the topic at hand. Strong emotions can muddle the true goal of the person initiating the conflict, leading to fights about tangential issues like dirty dishes when the real problem is feeling unappreciated. This creates a confusing and escalating cycle of frustration for both parties.

The Key Action: Ask "What Do You Want?"

Instead of engaging with the surface-level subject of the argument, the most effective way to defuse the situation is to calmly and respectfully ask what the other person is trying to accomplish with the fight. This simple question cuts through the emotional noise and gets to the heart of the matter.

• Action Point: When an argument starts, resist the urge to get defensive or debate the topic. Instead, pause and ask a direct, non-confrontational question like, "What do you want from this argument?" or "What are you trying to accomplish with this fight?"

Practicing compassion — not only decreases anxiety, but it also increases an overall state of calm

https://lifehacker.com/use-these-mental-tricks-to-prepare-for-dealing-with-unp-1797464982

Cultivate Compassion Through Mindfulness

The central learning point is that practicing mindfulness can increase your compassion, which in turn helps you deal more effectively with difficult or unpleasant people. Research from Stanford's Compassion Cultivation Training (CCT) program shows that compassion is a skill that can be learned and developed. By actively practicing compassion, you can decrease your own anxiety and increase your sense of calm when faced with challenging social interactions.

Notice Your Own Reactions

Before you can deal with someone else's behavior, you need to be aware of your own internal state. Mindfulness begins with self-awareness. Pay attention to how you're feeling and how your body is reacting in a stressful situation.

• Action Point: When you feel yourself getting anxious or irritated, take a moment to notice what's happening. Are your hands sweating? Is your heart racing? Acknowledging your physical and emotional state is the first step to managing it. Once you're aware of your reaction, you can determine what you need to do to calm yourself, such as taking a few deep breaths.