29 December 2018

How to Argue Better With Your Partner


Not in this article, but something I believe: try and slow down when you realise your discussion has become an argument. Decide on the objective or end state you want to achieve. If you are just being mean, do you really just want to be mean? Unlikely. So focus on what you need to say and do, to get the best outcome for both of you.


First and foremost, understand that when you’re in a fight, especially with someone you care about, your mind isn’t operating from the most rational place.

Your Memories Are Wrong
“When people fight over memory, they’re both likely wrong in some way,” says Tatkin. “Because of this, it’s usually better to just end the fight and make up, rather than trying to figure out who is correct.” ... if you’re arguing over something small, it may be that you are both remembering it differently

You’re Not Objective
So, trying to argue further about misconceptions during the fight will likely have bad results. Try to calm the situation down by offering love and understanding. When you’ve both cooled off, you can address what they think you were trying to say when you pursed your lips, or something.

You’re Not Being As Clear As Your Think. Be curious, not furious.
Many fights are a result of miscommunication. Much like your perception of someone can be affected by anger or stress, so can your perception of yourself. You think you’re communicating something extremely clearly, but that might not be true. The listener, who is also upset, may be making wild leaps or connections that aren’t there. What can you do? One way around this is to slow down. Check: ‘O.K., do you mean this? Is that what you’re trying to say when you use that word?

10 January 2018

How to Turn Unproductive Worries Into Productive Ones


Have More Fun With Your Partner in the New Year


The tips include everything from “get off your phones” to “listen more” to “find an older married couple to spend time with,” but my favorite is definitely “double down on your positive time together.” Examine your leisure time. Are you regularly doing something with your spare time, as a couple, that you both enjoy doing? It’s trickier for couples without a lot of overlapping interests.

The pursuit of leisure activities as a couple was less strongly associated with marital happiness than most people believe. The determining factor is that both partners must enjoy the activity. Now this may seem like a duh finding, of course both partners should enjoy the leisure activities, but consider how many couples you know where one partner is not all that psyched for football, contra-dancing, wine-tasting or NASCAR, but goes along anyway. It is no real boost to marital bliss, now or into the future, if a couple routinely engages in leisure activities that mostly only the husband enjoys. In other words, you actually can’t fake it till you make it.