Parwy's Blog: Why Confidence-Maxxing Makes People Less Confident

TLDR: trying to manufacture positive feelings actually makes us more fragile, we should focus on cultivating courage instead.

From Fraud to Virtue: The term "confidence" originally carried negative connotations of narcissism and deceit, famously leading to the moniker "confidence man" or "conman" in the 19th century.
The Rise of Toxic Positivity: Thinkers like Norman Vincent Peale popularised the idea that positive affirmations and visualisations lead to success, a concept the self-help industry continually monetises despite a lack of scientific backing.
The Competence Illusion: Humans are notoriously bad at evaluating their own skills, leading to the Dunning-Kruger effect where the incompetent are overly confident, whilst the highly skilled suffer from imposter syndrome.
The Dark Side of Self-Esteem: Research in the 1990s showed that self-belief is not inherently good; for example, some of the most violent criminals possess incredibly high self-esteem and intense confidence in their destructive actions.

Aristotle's Wisdom: The philosopher identified courage as the "golden mean" between cowardice (the fear of doing anything) and pure confidence (the delusional belief that one can do anything).
The Necessity of Fear: Real courage requires the presence of fear; without an honest understanding of the risks and potential downsides, action is merely rash or delusional.
The Ultimate Mastery Experience: Psychological studies on conquering extreme snake phobias revealed that facing fear builds a robust resilience that positively bleeds into all other areas of a person's life.

Shift your goal from confidence to courage: Stop trying to artificially hype yourself up with positive affirmations; instead, acknowledge your fear and choose to take action anyway.
Reframe your relationship with failure: Voluntarily expose yourself to manageable risks where you might fail, as surviving embarrassment or rejection proves to your brain that failure is not fatal.
Build durability rather than seeking success: Recognise that success only teaches you how to complete a specific task, but failing and recovering teaches you that you are fundamentally durable and resilient across all life scenarios.
Utilise guided mastery for deep fears: If you face a massive hurdle, do not rely on just believing in yourself; break the challenge down into incredibly small, progressive steps to gradually build your tolerance for discomfort.
Evaluate the stakes honestly: Before taking action, realistically assess what might go wrong, accept the potential downsides, and proceed because the endeavour is worthwhile despite the risks.