Parwy's Blog: Why You Need A Prenup And How To Avoid Divorce

Introduction

In his appearance on The Diary of a CEO, high-profile divorce lawyer James Sexton speaks with Steven Bartlett about the realities of marriage, the mechanics of relationship breakdown, and why having a prenuptial agreement is a fundamental act of love. By analysing decades of marital failures, Sexton provides profound insights into how couples can protect their relationships and navigate the complexities of long-term commitment.

The Reality of Marriage and Divorce

High failure rates: Statistically, around 56% of marriages end in divorce, but the true failure rate is likely much higher when accounting for couples who stay together whilst remaining thoroughly miserable.
The definition of fairness: Everyone entering a divorce claims they want a fair outcome, but each party's definition of fairness is entirely subjective and often influenced by pain and resentment.
Intimacy weaponised: Divorce often turns the intimate knowledge partners hold about one another into weapons, making the process inherently traumatic for all involved, especially children.
Human resilience: Despite the pain of divorce, approximately 86% of people who divorce eventually remarry, highlighting the enduring human desire for connection and partnership.

Why a Prenuptial Agreement is an Essential Act of Love

Taking control from the government: Every married couple already has a prenup; it is either the default legal framework written by the state or a bespoke agreement written by the couple. Creating your own allows you to dictate the terms.
Deciding in a state of love: A prenup forces a couple to establish the rules of their potential separation whilst they possess an abundance of affection for one another, rather than negotiating during a period of anger and betrayal.
The three bucket system: A sensible prenup categorises assets and liabilities into three simple buckets: yours, mine, and ours. This creates absolute clarity and prevents future financial disputes.
Building robust communication: The process of negotiating a prenup tests a couple's ability to have difficult conversations. If partners cannot discuss a prenup without the relationship breaking down, they are likely ill-equipped for the inevitable hardships of marriage.

Key Reasons Marriages Fail

The danger of slippage: Marriages rarely end due to a single explosive event; they usually erode in inches. Slippage occurs when small, unaddressed resentments and daily disconnections accumulate over time.
Losing oneself in parenthood: A common trap is couples becoming so obsessed with their roles as parents that they entirely stop paying attention to their partner, leading to the collapse of the romantic foundation.
Loss of individual identity: Partners often sacrifice their individual identities for the sake of the marriage or family unit. When the children leave home, they are left wondering who they are and who they are living with.
Shifting expectations without communication: As physical intimacy and personal desires change naturally over time, failing to continuously communicate and recalibrate these shifts leads to deep resentment.

Actionable Advice for a Successful Relationship

Have the hard conversations early: Do not shy away from discussing finances, expectations, and potential failure. The hard thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the exact same thing.
Draft your own rulebook: Formalise your expectations regarding finances and obligations before marriage. Treating this as a business arrangement protects the romantic aspects of the relationship.
Prioritise your partner over your children: Whilst children need love and care, the best environment for them is a home with parents who actively nurture their own relationship. Never let the roles of mother and father entirely erase the roles of husband and wife.
Schedule regular check-ins: Combat marital slippage by proactively asking your partner what they need, how their expectations are evolving, and what you can do to support them better.
Remain generous: Even when negotiating prenups or navigating conflict, adopting a mindset of generosity rather than defensive protection often yields better long-term outcomes and fosters deeper trust.

Conclusion

James Sexton's profound experience as a divorce lawyer ultimately reveals that preserving a marriage requires active, continuous effort. By leaning into uncomfortable conversations, formalising expectations through a prenup, and vigilantly guarding against daily disconnection, couples can build a resilient foundation that withstands the tests of time.