I really liked the second and third points in this podcast on the effect of using hands and dopamine sparking words in meetings and presentations:
The Psychology Behind Becoming Charismatic And Building Trust With Anyone - Vanessa Van Edwards
Charisma is a Combination of Warmth and Competence
The foundation of charisma lies in the balance of two key traits: warmth and competence. People who are highly charismatic signal both high warmth (trustworthiness, friendliness) and high competence (reliability, capability). Relying too heavily on one without the other can be counterproductive. Too much competence without warmth can make you seem suspicious, while too much warmth without competence can lead to being perceived as friendly but not taken seriously.
Signaling Trust and Reliability
In every interaction, people are subconsciously asking two questions: "Can I trust you?" and "Can I rely on you?". To build charisma and trust, it is crucial to send cues that affirmatively answer these questions as quickly as possible. This goes beyond words and extends to your actions and body language, which must be congruent with your verbal messages.
Mastering Social Cues
Vanessa Van Edwards categorizes social cues into four types:
- Warm Cues: Nonverbal, verbal, and vocal signals that convey friendliness, likability, and trustworthiness.
- Competent Cues: Signals that demonstrate power, reliability, and capability.
- Charismatic Cues: A combination of warm and competent cues that are exceptionally effective.
- Danger Zone Cues: Cues often used by liars that can make you appear untrustworthy.
Understanding and utilizing the right cues for the situation is essential for effective communication and building charisma.
The Power of Body Language
Specific non-verbal cues can significantly impact how you are perceived. For instance, a "lower lid flex" (squinting slightly) signals intense focus and understanding, which is a positive signal to the person you are interacting with. Another powerful non-verbal cue is "fronting," which means angling your body towards the person you are speaking with to show engagement and respect.
Avoid the "Trifecta of Awkwardness"
Certain vocal habits can undermine your credibility. One of the most common is "uptalk," where you end your sentences with a rising intonation as if you are asking a question. This can make you sound uncertain and untrustworthy, even when you are not. Being mindful of and eliminating such habits can significantly improve your perceived confidence.
Authenticity and Congruence
Ultimately, greatness and charisma come from showing up as your authentic self. This means your verbal and nonverbal cues are aligned with your emotions and intentions. When you are congruent, people are more likely to trust and connect with you. It's about having the freedom to be yourself and interacting with people you genuinely like and respect.