For most of his life, Dr Glover, the author of the groundbreaking No More Mr Nice Guy, was what he calls a "bad dater." He assumed the women he wanted were not interested in him. He believed that women disliked sex and thought men who wanted sex were bad. When he did get a girlfriend by practicing what he calls "Nice Guy Seduction," he typically hung on way too long for fear of having to enter the dating world all over again. But this all changed when he got divorced in his mid-forties. Dr Glover decided to approach dating as if it were a scientific experiment. To his surprise, he quickly found that talking with women, getting numbers, and getting laid was nowhere as difficult as he had thought. He often wondered what planet he had landed on.
Dating Essentials for Men was born of this experiment. Dr Glover has since taught thousands of men how to interact confidently with women and find the love and sex they have been seeking.
Are you ready to let go of the games, the tricks, the seduction, the pickup, the negs, the cocky-funny routines, the buying women drinks, the volunteering to help their sister move? Do you want to learn how to create the kind of authentic attraction that naturally brings women to you? If so, Dating Essentials for Men is the only dating guide you will ever need.
Key Principles: Rewiring Your Inner World
Challenge Self-Limiting Beliefs (SLBs): Glover asserts that most men are held back by a barrage of negative self-talk and ingrained beliefs about themselves, women, and dating. These "Self-Limiting Beliefs" – such as "I'm not good-looking enough," "Women only want wealthy men," or "I'm boring" – are to be rigorously identified and challenged. The first step to change is recognizing these as often baseless narratives.
Conquer the Fear of Rejection: A significant hurdle for many men is the paralyzing fear of rejection. Glover reframes rejection not as a reflection of personal worth but as an inevitable and even desirable part of the dating process. He encourages men to view dating as a "scientific experiment" where the goal is to gather data, not necessarily to succeed with every interaction. By intentionally seeking out rejection in low-stakes situations, men can desensitize themselves to its sting.
Cultivate an Abundance Mindset: Moving away from a scarcity mentality, where every potential partner is seen as the "last chance," is paramount. Glover advocates for an "abundance mindset," which recognizes that there are many compatible and attractive women in the world. This shift in perspective reduces neediness and desperation, making a man more attractive and allowing him to approach interactions with a sense of calm and confidence.
Embrace Your Masculine Polarity: The book emphasizes the importance of understanding and embracing masculine energy to create attraction. This involves being decisive, taking the lead, and being comfortable with one's own desires and intentions. It's about creating a dynamic tension with a woman's feminine energy, which is a cornerstone of romantic chemistry.
Actionable Takeaways: Putting Theory into Practice
The "3 T's" of Flirting: Glover introduces a simple yet effective framework for flirting:
Tease: Playful teasing and lighthearted banter create a fun and engaging dynamic.
Touch: Appropriate and calibrated physical touch, from a light tap on the arm to a hand on the small of her back, builds comfort and escalates intimacy.
Tell: Openly and honestly sharing things about yourself and your life, as well as being direct about your interest.
Become a "Good Ender": Glover stresses the importance of being able to end interactions and relationships with integrity and confidence. This means not lingering in conversations that are going nowhere and being willing to walk away from situations that are not a good fit. This demonstrates self-respect and a lack of desperation.
Create an Interesting Life: The book strongly advises men to focus on building a fulfilling and engaging life for themselves, independent of a romantic partner. Pursuing hobbies, developing social circles, and having passions make a man inherently more attractive and provide him with more to talk about and share.
Practice Approaching: To overcome approach anxiety, Glover suggests starting small. This can be as simple as making eye contact and smiling at women, then graduating to asking for the time, and eventually initiating conversations. The goal is to make approaching a regular and comfortable habit.
Lead the Interaction: From choosing the location for a date to initiating a kiss, Glover encourages men to take the lead. This demonstrates confidence and allows the woman to relax and enjoy the experience. This doesn't mean being controlling, but rather being decisive and guiding the interaction forward.
Also, a podcast with Dr Robert Glover.