What to do When Someone Talks Over You - Jefferson Fisher
Learning Points
The impact of being talked over: When someone talks over you, the immediate reaction is often to stop talking, leading to a feeling of defeat and the interrupter dominating the conversation.
Ineffective responses to interruption: Trying to yell, gain more attention, or use sarcastic remarks (e.g., "Excuse me, am I interrupting you?") are the wrong approaches. Such actions make you appear desperate, put you in a weaker position, and look like you're grasping for control, which never works. Raising your voice to out-talk an interrupter only escalates the situation into a shouting match where no one genuinely listens or learns. This behaviour is merely a power grab for attention.
The power of maintaining composure: Continuing to talk with an even, controlled volume and pace, despite being interrupted, demonstrates that you are planted and grounded. This highlights a discrepancy where you appear controlled, while the interrupter appears to be grasping for attention, making them look weak.
The magnetic effect of one's own name: People have a natural affinity for the sound of their own name. Using someone's name is a powerful tool to snap their attention and create a window for you to re-enter or take control of the conversation.
Unconscious behaviour and establishing patterns: Sometimes, individuals may not realise they are talking over others. However, allowing this behaviour to continue unchallenged establishes a pattern where your opinion is perceived as less important than theirs. It's crucial to address it immediately.
Strategies for Managing Interruption
Continue talking as normal: When someone starts to talk over you, the first step is to continue speaking exactly as you were. Maintain the same volume, tempo, and pace without stopping your discourse.
Resist raising your voice: It's important to resist the temptation to raise your voice to out-talk the other person. Escalating your volume only fuels the power struggle and puts you in a weaker position.
Use their name to regain attention: If the person continues to talk over you, use their name. Say it strong and clear (not angry or hesitant) to get their attention. If they persist, repeat their name, potentially with a slight increase in volume, until they stop.
Clearly state the behaviour: Once you have their attention (after using their name), use a clear and direct phrase to describe their action. Examples include: "It's not helpful when you talk over me," "I feel like you're talking over me," or "I can't hear you when you talk over me". The directness can be adjusted based on your relationship with the person.
Address the behaviour immediately: It is vital to catch this behaviour immediately. By doing so, you prevent the establishment of a pattern where your contributions are dismissed, and you assert the importance of your voice.