These Questions Will Improve Your Relationships

https://lifehacker.com/these-questions-will-improve-your-relationships-1820517894

The Four Unspoken Questions in Every Relationship

The core learning point is that in every interaction, from casual acquaintances to romantic partners, people are unconsciously asking four fundamental questions seeking acknowledgment and affirmation. These questions, attributed to Maya Angelou, form the foundation of what makes a good relationship feel good. The four questions are:

1. Do you see me?
2. Do you care that I'm here?
3. Am I enough for you, or do you need me to be better in some way?
4. Can I tell that I'm special to you by the way that you look at me?

Diffuse an argument by asking what the other person wants from it

https://lifehacker.com/diffuse-an-argument-by-asking-what-the-other-person-wan-1797795022

The Core Problem: Arguments Often Obscure the Real Issue

The central learning point is that arguments are often not about the topic at hand. Strong emotions can muddle the true goal of the person initiating the conflict, leading to fights about tangential issues like dirty dishes when the real problem is feeling unappreciated. This creates a confusing and escalating cycle of frustration for both parties.

The Key Action: Ask "What Do You Want?"

Instead of engaging with the surface-level subject of the argument, the most effective way to defuse the situation is to calmly and respectfully ask what the other person is trying to accomplish with the fight. This simple question cuts through the emotional noise and gets to the heart of the matter.

• Action Point: When an argument starts, resist the urge to get defensive or debate the topic. Instead, pause and ask a direct, non-confrontational question like, "What do you want from this argument?" or "What are you trying to accomplish with this fight?"

Practicing compassion — not only decreases anxiety, but it also increases an overall state of calm

https://lifehacker.com/use-these-mental-tricks-to-prepare-for-dealing-with-unp-1797464982

Cultivate Compassion Through Mindfulness

The central learning point is that practicing mindfulness can increase your compassion, which in turn helps you deal more effectively with difficult or unpleasant people. Research from Stanford's Compassion Cultivation Training (CCT) program shows that compassion is a skill that can be learned and developed. By actively practicing compassion, you can decrease your own anxiety and increase your sense of calm when faced with challenging social interactions.

Notice Your Own Reactions

Before you can deal with someone else's behavior, you need to be aware of your own internal state. Mindfulness begins with self-awareness. Pay attention to how you're feeling and how your body is reacting in a stressful situation.

• Action Point: When you feel yourself getting anxious or irritated, take a moment to notice what's happening. Are your hands sweating? Is your heart racing? Acknowledging your physical and emotional state is the first step to managing it. Once you're aware of your reaction, you can determine what you need to do to calm yourself, such as taking a few deep breaths.

Spending money to save time == ++happiness

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/27/science/study-happy-save-money-time.html

Prioritize Time Over Money for Greater Happiness

The central learning point of the article is that people who prioritize their time over making more money tend to be happier. This challenges the common societal assumption that wealth is the primary driver of well-being. The research suggests that focusing on how you spend your time leads to more fulfilling choices and, ultimately, greater life satisfaction.

The "Time vs. Money" Mindset

The way you frame your choices—in terms of time or money—can significantly impact your happiness. When faced with a decision, such as taking on extra work, those with a "time" mindset are more likely to consider the personal cost of giving up their free time, while those with a "money" mindset are more likely to focus on the financial gain. The article suggests that consistently choosing time over money, when possible, leads to a happier life.

• Action Point: When making decisions, consciously ask yourself, "How will this affect my time?" rather than just, "How will this affect my finances?" This shift in perspective can help you make choices that are more aligned with your overall well-being.

Saying no

https://www.ft.com/content/0a7977ac-4cf5-11e7-919a-1e14ce4af89b

Embrace "No" as a Positive and Trendy Choice

The central learning point is that saying "no" has become a hallmark of successful people and a key to personal happiness. The cultural trend has shifted from a "say yes to everything" mindset to one that values the power of refusal. This is not just a selfish act but a strategic one that improves well-being and efficiency. Parwy: I have also read that the younger you are the more you should say "yes" and as the older you get the more you should start saying "no".

Celebrate Your Refusals

You shouldn't just say no; you should celebrate it. This reframes refusal from a negative act of disappointing someone into a positive act of self-care and prioritization. Celebrating your "no's" reinforces the habit and highlights the benefits you gain from it.

• Action Point: Start your day by mentally reviewing and giving thanks for the things you have successfully refused to do. This practice can improve your mood and increase your enthusiasm for the tasks you have willingly accepted.

Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness

The Single Biggest Predictor of a Good Life

The clearest message from the 75-year Harvard Study of Adult Development is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period. Contrary to what many people believe, it is not fame, wealth, or high achievement that leads to a good life. The most important factor for long-term health and happiness is the quality of one's close, personal relationships.

Lesson 1: Social Connections are Critical for Well-Being

People who are more socially connected to family, friends, and community are happier, physically healthier, and live longer than people who are isolated. The experience of loneliness is toxic. Those who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner, and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.

• Action Point: Actively work to combat loneliness. Make an effort to connect with the people around you in a meaningful way.

Simon Sinek on Millennials in the Workplace

Understanding the Millennial Challenge

The speaker identifies Millennials, defined as those born approximately from 1984 onwards, as a generation often perceived as difficult to manage, entitled, narcissistic, self-interested, unfocused, and lazy. Despite expressing desires for purpose, impact, free food, and bean bags in the workplace, they often remain unhappy. The core issue, according to the speaker, lies in four interconnected factors: parenting, technology, impatience, and environment.

The Impact of "Failed Parenting Strategies"

Many Millennials grew up with what are described as "failed parenting strategies". They were frequently told they were special and could have anything they wanted just by wishing for it. Some were placed in honours classes or given good grades without truly earning them, or received participation medals for simply showing up, even in last place. This approach, the speaker notes, devalues genuine achievement and can make recipients feel embarrassed, as they know they didn't deserve the recognition. Upon entering the real world, this fostered self-image is quickly shattered, leading to lower self-esteem than previous generations, "through no fault of their own".