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11 August 2023

The Real Danger of Dating Apps - The Diary of a CEO with Scott Galloway

Dating Problems:

  • Winner-Take-Most Market: Technology, including dating apps, consolidates sectors, creating a "winner-take-most" dynamic. This means a small percentage of individuals receive the vast majority of attention.
  • Mating Inequality: Dating apps have created "mating inequality" comparable to income inequality in Venezuela. Women, who have a much "finer filter for mating" due to the greater downside of sex (e.g., pregnancy), tend to express interest in a significantly smaller group of men.
  • Difficulty Signaling Key Qualities Online: While women are interested in men based on their ability to signal resources, intelligence, and kindness, dating apps primarily allow for the signaling of resources. Intelligence and kindness are much harder to convey digitally.
  • Marginalisation of the "Bottom Half" of Men: The "top 10 percent in terms of attractiveness online" receive 90% of the interest, a phenomenon termed "Porsche polygamy". Conversely, the bottom half of men, based on online attractiveness (often crudely measured by wealth indicators), are "totally shut out of the market".
  • Societal Consequences of Male Isolation: This marginalisation leads to a significant number of young men being isolated. One in three American males under 30 has not had sex in the last 12 months. Galloway identifies the "young, broken, alone man" as the "most dangerous person in the world," citing examples like mass shooters in the U.S. and the attacker of Salman Rushdie.
  • Marriage and Relationships as Luxury Items: Marriage and "pairing off with a mate" are plummeting, especially among middle-income and poor people, as these men are no longer seen as viable mates online. This is exacerbated by fewer opportunities to meet in person, where factors like smell, vibe, and humor play a role.
  • Demographic Shifts and Economic Impact: Women are graduating college at double the rate of men. Women tend to mate socioeconomically horizontally and upwards, meaning women with college degrees are often not interested in men without them. This leads to less household formation, lower birth rates, and can stunt an economy.
  • Deteriorating Health of Young People: Young people generally have become unhealthier consistently over the last 50 years.

Dating Solutions For Individuals (especially Young Men):

  • "Do It All" – Combine Online and Offline Efforts: While dating apps are how many people meet today, it's crucial to also create opportunities to meet people in person.
  • Create In-Person Opportunities: Actively engage in social interactions. For example, talk to people in line at a coffee shop. "Create as many opportunities as possible to establish relationships."
  • Express Interest Clearly and Assertively (in a healthy way): If you're interested in someone romantically or for friendship, express that interest. There's "nothing wrong with asking them out to Coffee." Don't be deterred by potential rejection; both parties can handle it.
  • Focus on Personal Development and Economic Viability:
    • Seek more job opportunities, vocational programs, college, or certifications to build confidence and economic viability.
    • Get out of the house and engage in community activities or social service to meet people and develop friendships.
  • Embrace Physical Fitness and Strength: Being a "stronger version of yourself" physically leads to greater happiness, less depression, increased attractiveness, and enhanced confidence and kindness. Galloway suggests anyone under 30 should feel capable of "kill and eat everybody or outrun them" in a real-world scenario, focusing on inner strength over mere aesthetics.
  • Seek "Guardrails" and Accountability: Young men need external structure and accountability, often provided by a partner or a job, to encourage responsible behavior and personal growth (e.g., "get your shit together" to maintain a relationship).

Dating Solutions For Society:

  • "Massive Leveling Up of All Young People": Society needs to create more opportunities for all young people, which would disproportionately benefit young men.
  • Provide More Opportunities for Connection: Establish institutions and means, such as schools or social service programs, where young people can meet each other, develop friendships, and fall in love.
  • Education to Embrace Masculine Virtues: Foster education that embraces masculinity, including the positive aspects of being aggressive, physically fit, and strong.