The state of race relations in America seemed to be improving for decades, then crashed and burned over the last 5 years. What’s going on? Why is everyone so obsessed with race again and how can we move beyond race politics?
Expect to learn why anti-racism is just neo-racism, the difference between being colourblind and actually being racist, why your social class is more important than your ethnicity, whether MeToo hurt women more than helping them, if there is a realistic case for DEI, whether any race-based policies have ever worked and much more…
Drs. John and Julie Gottman are world-leading relationship researchers, studying couples for over 40 years, and publishing over 200 academic journal articles and 46 books. They are the co-founders of The Gottman Institute and Love Lab.
00:00:00 Intro
00:02:43 What mission are you on & Why study love?
00:07:06 Studying traits of successful couples
00:09:03 Link between relationships & our health
00:12:51 What is the love lab?
00:15:41 The misconceptions about relationships
00:17:52 How to connect with your partner
00:27:44 What is the 'attuned' framework?
00:32:46 Why does typical couples therapy often fail?
00:35:17 The 7 Principles of a successful marriage
00:38:45 Do partners' dreams need to be aligned?
00:40:45 69% of our problems are not solvable
00:48:41 What to do when your partner wants to change you
00:51:19 The four horsemen
00:58:21 What is flooding?
01:03:31 What's a 'caretaker' in a relationship
01:06:31 Conflict misunderstandings
01:08:34 How to become a master at conflict resolution
01:11:41 How to repair/fix relationship issues
01:19:22 What have you learnt about the role of kissing
01:22:25 The role of sex in a relationship
01:29:58 Our society is becoming more sexless
01:32:18 Men struggling to figure out where they fit into society
01:37:50 What do women really want in a man?
01:39:59 Talking about sex makes your sex life better
01:44:30 Betrayal in a relationship
01:45:14 The traits that show a failing relationship
01:49:20 Asking your partner about their dreams
01:51:28 Advice to give a relationship its best shot
01:53:21 The most interesting conclusions from The Love Lab
01:55:39 What does Julie mean to you, John
01:56:36 What does John mean to you, Julie
01:58:38 Why did you write this book
01:59:54 The Last Guest's question
Many of us discover alcohol as a teenager. We start to believe we can’t socialise, dance or talk to strangers without it – and we carry these myths with us long into adulthood. We think others will find us boring if we don’t drink. Hangovers become a celebrated end to a ‘great night out’. And we play down negative effects such as risky behaviour, poor sleep, low mood or junk food cravings.
Andy is passionate about reversing all these beliefs and behaviours. He explains his ‘ambivalence seesaw’ – a framework you can use to work out your current relationship with alcohol and start to shift it. We discuss why moderation isn’t a good tactic, why Dry January often fails, and why slip-ups are part of the learning process. And he shares some valuable advice on coping with social pressure to drink, and cultivating a kinder self-talk.
Dr Cal Newport, a professor of computer science at Georgetown University and author of numerous books on focus and productivity, discusses how to avoid digital distraction, specific systems to best arrange and update your schedule, and how to curate your work and home environment. This episode provides specific protocols for enhancing focus and productivity, time management, task prioritization, and improving work-life balance that ought to be useful for anyone, young or old, regardless of profession.
Neuroscientist Kristen Lindquist on how even on a biological level, emotions are entirely subjective. According to this neuroscientist, your emotions look different from those of someone who grew up on the other side of the world.
Kristen Lindquist, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, explores the concept of 'affective realism,' where our emotional experiences dictate our true reality. Emotions, Lindquist explains, are cultural artifacts, passed down like art or language, and are distinct reflections of both our biological makeup and our societal norms.
Individualistic societies like the United States and collectivist cultures like Japan interpret emotions like anger differently, leading to varied physiological responses. These findings suggest that there are no “universal emotional expressions,” that even facial muscle movements we associate with certain feelings are not globally recognized, but are instead interpreted through a cultural lens.
Lindquist's work invites us to consider our own emotional responses, encouraging a more open-minded approach to interpreting the feelings of others. Through this understanding, we can appreciate the unique perspectives each individual brings, to eventually unlock better solutions for understanding the world around us.
Abigail Shrier is a journalist, a writer for The Wall Street Journal, and an author. Therapy use is becoming more prevalent while mental health is getting worse. Are these two things causing each other? Or just happening at the same time? It’s a lively one today as I try to get to the bottom of this. Expect to learn what is happening with modern mental health, the typical timeline of mental health for young people, what the current statistics are around therapy, which kinds of people see therapists the most, if there are any dangers to psychotherapy, why there might be an over-diagnosis and pathologisation of normal human emotions, why Abigail thinks there is such an increase in mental health disorders and much more…