https://lifehacker.com/adjust-your-beliefs-to-handle-the-crappy-events-in-your-1787057846
Events Don't Cause Your Feelings, Your Beliefs Do
The central learning point of the article is based on the ABC model from cognitive behavioral therapy. It's not the Adversity (the crappy event) that directly causes the Consequences (your feelings and actions). Instead, it's your Beliefs about the event that are the true cause of your emotional response. Many people mistakenly believe that external events dictate their happiness or anger, but this framework shows that you have a point of control: your own beliefs.
Recognize Your "Demanding" Beliefs
The article explains that our negative emotional responses often stem from rigid, irrational beliefs. These are often "demanding" beliefs that take the form of "shoulds," "musts," and "have tos." For example, believing "People must treat me fairly" or "I should always succeed." When reality doesn't conform to these rigid demands, we experience negative emotions like anger, anxiety, or depression.
- Action Point: When you experience a strong negative emotion, identify the underlying belief that's causing it. Look for absolute and demanding words like "always," "never," "must," "should," or "ought to." Recognizing these irrational demands is the first step to changing them.