The nature of dismissive comments: Comments such as "it was just a joke," "don't take it so personally," or "don't be so sensitive" are attempts to dismiss your feelings, trivialise the consequences of what was said, and control the eventual outcome of a conversation. These remarks can gradually erode self-esteem and cause frustration.
Your right to decide the impact: You, as the recipient of a comment, are the sole individual who gets to decide what hurts you and what the consequence of a remark is; the person making the comment does not get to dictate that.
The ineffectiveness of defensiveness: Reacting defensively—by getting upset, scoffing, or visibly bristling—will make you appear weaker and inadvertently validate the dismissive comment. This can make it seem as though you are indeed exhibiting the behaviour they are accusing you of, such as being "sensitive".
The universality of sensitivity: It is important to understand that everyone possesses sensitivity; its expression is subjective and depends on the specific topic, context, and environment. Dismissing someone as "sensitive" is often a way for the speaker to evade responsibility for the impact of their words.
The impact of being talked over: When someone talks over you, the immediate reaction is often to stop talking, leading to a feeling of defeat and the interrupter dominating the conversation.
Ineffective responses to interruption: Trying to yell, gain more attention, or use sarcastic remarks (e.g., "Excuse me, am I interrupting you?") are the wrong approaches. Such actions make you appear desperate, put you in a weaker position, and look like you're grasping for control, which never works. Raising your voice to out-talk an interrupter only escalates the situation into a shouting match where no one genuinely listens or learns. This behaviour is merely a power grab for attention.
The power of maintaining composure: Continuing to talk with an even, controlled volume and pace, despite being interrupted, demonstrates that you are planted and grounded. This highlights a discrepancy where you appear controlled, while the interrupter appears to be grasping for attention, making them look weak.
The magnetic effect of one's own name: People have a natural affinity for the sound of their own name. Using someone's name is a powerful tool to snap their attention and create a window for you to re-enter or take control of the conversation.
Unconscious behaviour and establishing patterns: Sometimes, individuals may not realise they are talking over others. However, allowing this behaviour to continue unchallenged establishes a pattern where your opinion is perceived as less important than theirs. It's crucial to address it immediately.
Boredom isn’t a bug—it’s a feature. Harvard professor Arthur Brooks explains why boredom unlocks creativity, activates a powerful brain network, and might even protect you from depression. Learn how the mind wanders—and why that’s a very good thing.
Understanding Boredom and its Importance
Boredom is not merely an absence of activity; it triggers the brain's default mode network (DMN). The DMN activates when your mind is not otherwise occupied, allowing for deeper thought.
While often perceived as uncomfortable, this DMN activation prompts reflection on existential questions, such as the meaning of life, which is described as "incredibly important, incredibly good".
Many people actively dislike boredom, to the extent that some participants in an experiment chose to administer painful electric shocks rather than sit in silence for 15 minutes.
Modern society has significantly reduced opportunities for boredom, primarily through the constant use of mobile devices, which effectively "shut off" the default mode network.
The continuous avoidance of boredom creates a "doom loop of meaning," making it harder for individuals to find purpose in their lives and contributing to increased rates of depression, anxiety, and a sense of hollowness.
Embracing boredom can lead to more interesting ideas and enhance your "skill of boredom," making you feel less bored with routine aspects of life like your job or relationships.
Crucially, allowing for boredom helps you delve into profound life questions concerning purpose, meaning, coherence, and significance, potentially leading to greater happiness.
Humans have an asymmetry of errors. We over-index exceptions - we use things that break the pattern we’ve come to expect as a serious learning opportunity. But we tend to only learn much faster from errors of commission (things we do), not errors of omission (things we don’t do).
You only learn the sting of misplaced trust when someone betrays you, but when you refuse to trust and miss out on love, partnership, or help, the loss leaves no scar to remind you.
It’s obvious when quitting for a new career turns out to be a mistake; it’s far less obvious when staying put quietly drains years of your life that you’ll never get back.
The YouTube video, featuring trial lawyer Jefferson Fisher and host Mel Robbins, provides actionable strategies and insights into mastering communication to improve all aspects of life, from personal relationships to professional interactions. The core message is that what you say is who you are, and the power to communicate effectively can change everything you want about your life.
1. The Foundational Power of Your Words
Your Words Define You: For the vast majority of people, their entire personality is compressed into what others hear them say. People experience who you are almost entirely through your words and how they make them feel. You cannot be a kind person if you do not say kind things; similarly, rude behaviour is perceived through disliked words.
Anyone Can Learn: It doesn't matter if you're shy or an introvert; anyone can learn to be a better communicator. More words do not necessarily equal better communication; often, you can say a lot with less.
Practical and Relatable: The advice offered is practical, not hypothetical, stemming from real-world conflicts and interactions, making it highly relatable. Jefferson Fisher's tips are short, concise, and applicable to improving the next conversation.