The Single Biggest Predictor of a Good Life
The clearest message from the 75-year Harvard Study of Adult Development is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period. Contrary to what many people believe, it is not fame, wealth, or high achievement that leads to a good life. The most important factor for long-term health and happiness is the quality of one's close, personal relationships.
Lesson 1: Social Connections are Critical for Well-Being
People who are more socially connected to family, friends, and community are happier, physically healthier, and live longer than people who are isolated. The experience of loneliness is toxic. Those who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner, and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.
- Action Point: Actively work to combat loneliness. Make an effort to connect with the people around you in a meaningful way.
Lesson 2: It's the Quality, Not Quantity, of Your Relationships
It's not just about having connections; the quality of those connections is what truly matters. It's not the number of friends you have, or whether or not you're in a committed relationship. Living in the midst of conflict is very bad for our health. High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps even worse than getting divorced. Living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.
- Action Point: Nurture your close relationships. Focus on the quality and depth of your connections rather than the number of social contacts. Work to resolve conflicts and build warmth and affection.
Lesson 3: Good Relationships Protect Our Bodies and Our Brains
The benefits of good relationships are not just emotional, they are physical and neurological. Being in a securely attached relationship with another person in your 80s is protective. The people who are in relationships where they feel they can really count on the other person in times of need—those people's memories stay sharper, longer. Those in relationships where they feel they can't count on the other person experience earlier memory decline.
- Action Point: Invest in relationships built on trust and support. Knowing that you have someone you can truly rely on is a powerful protector of both your physical and mental health as you age.
Key Takeaway: Lean In to Relationships
The lessons aren't old-fashioned ideas; they are timeless wisdom backed by decades of research. A good life is built with good relationships. The practical action point is to "lean in" to relationships by consciously choosing to invest your time and energy in them.
- Replace screen-time with people-time.
- Liven up a stale relationship by doing something new and engaging together, like long walks or date nights.
- Reach out to that family member you haven't spoken to in years, because holding grudges takes a terrible toll on our health.