and also on the same subject... Talking To A Feminist About Masculinity - Modern Wisdom with Christine Emba
The YouTube videos, featuring Christine Emba and George from The Tin Men, offer profound insights into the crisis of modern masculinity and highlight crucial learning and action points for fostering a more balanced and empathetic societal discourse around men's issues.
Here are the key learning and action points:
1. Acknowledging the Crisis of Modern Men:
- Shifting Societal Landscape: Society has dramatically changed over the past 30-40 years, benefiting women significantly but often leaving men, especially working-class men, feeling lost and experiencing a sense of malaise.
- Key Statistics & Disadvantages: Men face significant disadvantages in education (outnumbered in college degrees, 70% of COVID-19 dropouts were men), health (three out of four "deaths of despair" are men), and stagnant wages since the 1970s.
- Economic Shift: The economy has moved from "labor-intensive jobs towards jobs that reward soft skills and social skills and credentials," a shift that often disadvantages men, who traditionally filled more "brawn-based" roles.
- Cultural Loss: Traditional male archetypes (protector, provider) are no longer clearly defined, and the blurring of gender lines leaves many young men unsure of "what it means to be a man". They are looking for role models and coming up short.
2. Challenging Counterproductive Narratives & Biases:
- Rejecting "Toxic Masculinity" as a Core Concept:
- The term "toxic masculinity" is deeply problematic, with 85% of men finding it insulting and harmful, causing them to "check out of the conversation".
- It is often likened to "original sin," implying something inherently wrong that needs to be "expunged" from men, rather than addressing external societal factors.
- Action Point: Instead of blaming men's inherent nature, focus on "toxic attitudes towards men" or "toxic attitudes towards masculinity" perpetrated by society, encouraging collective accountability.
- Combatting "Sins of the Fathers" Retribution: Many young men feel unfairly blamed for the historical advantages of older generations, leading to a sense of being "dispossessed" and alienated from progressive movements.
- Addressing the "Pull Yourself Up By Your Bootstraps" Double Standard:
- Society tends to address women's problems by asking, "what can we do to fix Society?" but for men, it asks, "what can men do to fix themselves?".
- Action Point: Advocate for societal and structural solutions for men's problems, similar to other groups, rather than solely placing the burden of change on individual men.
- Deconstructing "Gamma Bias" in Media:
- Media often "de-genders" male successes (e.g., "person jumps into River to try and save woman dies") while "sexing" female successes ("Yay women").
- Conversely, male perpetrators are highlighted ("gunman"), but male victims or heroes are often erased from headlines (e.g., 9/11 firefighters were 100% men but not called "firemen"; all teenage knife crime victims were boys but reported as "teenagers").
- Action Point: Be aware of this media bias and push for accurate and balanced representation of men's roles in both positive and negative contexts to avoid a distorted public perception.
- Critiquing the "Gender Neutrality" Ethos: An overemphasis on gender neutrality and sameness can be unrealistic and unhelpful, as it neglects the "specific about the embodied existence of being a man or a woman". The goal should be equality, not androgyny.
3. Understanding the Nuance of Men's Issues:
- Male Suicide as a Societal, Not Just Mental Health, Crisis:
- Male suicide is often a "rational decision and a solution-based outcome" stemming from overwhelming external stresses like relationship breakdown, job loss, financial worries, and legal battles (e.g., child custody disputes).
- Many men who die by suicide do not perceive themselves as having mental health problems, and a high percentage have sought help but were deemed "low or no risk" by clinicians, potentially due to the psychological industry being dominated by women and less attuned to male distress.
- Action Point: Listen to men's specific life stresses and seek solutions that address these external factors, rather than just telling men to "talk about their feelings".
- Recognizing Structural Discrimination: Men face discrimination in criminal courts (longer sentences for the same crimes) and family courts (secretive processes, fathers losing children). This is compounded for minority men, such as black men.
- The "Intersectionality Blind Spot" of the Left: The left often applies intersectionality to highlight the problems of various groups but overlooks how it also impacts men (e.g., gay men historically criminalized more than lesbians).
- Action Point: Advocate for a truly intersectional approach that acknowledges the unique challenges faced by minority men.
- Challenging the Gender Pay Gap Narrative: The pay gap is primarily a "child penalty paid by mothers" due to taking time off for childbirth and childcare, not solely discrimination against women.
- Action Point: Solutions should include equal paid parental leave for fathers, as this supports both parents' career progression and autonomy.
- Reinterpreting "Fragile Masculinity": The double standard of blaming the product when women's products are gendered (e.g., pink razors) but blaming men when their products are gendered (e.g., blue razors, "oh, so fragile") highlights societal bias.
4. Cultivating Positive Solutions and Support:
- Providing Positive, Aspirational Role Models:
- There is a severe lack of positive, widely recognized male role models in mainstream culture. The current vacuum is often filled by "bad actors" like Andrew Tate, who offer an "exciting" quest for manhood, even if problematic.
- Action Point: Progressives and society must actively offer alternative, aspirational visions of masculinity that are "good and achieving," presenting manhood as a positive journey rather than a problem to be fixed.
- Fostering Mentorship and Male-Only Spaces:
- Boys are "daisies" – more vulnerable to adverse experiences and lack of role models than girls ("dandelions"). The presence of fathers and older men in communities significantly improves outcomes for boys.
- Historically, cultures had "initiation processes" into manhood, often in male-only spaces led by older men, which are now diminishing (e.g., Boy Scouts becoming co-ed).
- Action Point: Promote and support mentorship programs and purposeful male-only spaces (like "men's sheds" where men bond "side by side" doing activities) to provide essential guidance and community for boys and young men. This includes advocating for more male teachers and role models in formative spaces.
- Empathetic and Inclusive Dialogue:
- Effective communication about men's issues requires empathy and a "neutral to positive" framing, acknowledging their struggles without resorting to blame.
- Action Point: Listen, ask, and act – truly hear men's experiences, ask clarifying questions, and take action to address the underlying societal problems they face, rather than dismissing or dictating what they can talk about.
- Recognizing Diversity Within Masculinity: There isn't just one way to be a good man, but there also needs to be a "baseline" or "original norm" from which men can branch out and define their individual paths.
- Action Point: Promote multiple, diverse positive role models to encompass the varied experiences and expressions of masculinity, ensuring that all men can find a path that resonates with them.
- Rebranding Men's Advocacy: Traditional men's rights advocacy often suffers from a "massive brand identity crisis," being "loud, very aggressive" and alienating.
- Action Point: Develop a more balanced, evidence-based, and compelling approach to discussing men's issues that resonates broadly, avoiding generalizations and tribalism. This involves focusing on "treating the issue, not the gender".
By implementing these learning and action points, society can move towards a more constructive, compassionate, and effective conversation about the challenges men face, ultimately benefiting everyone. Gender specific issues are not a zero-sum game.