Mo Gawdat, a former Chief Business Officer at Google X, shares insights on happiness, drawing from his personal experience of achieving immense material success while being clinically depressed, and later, coping with the tragic loss of his son.
Learning Points:
- Happiness as a Default State and Absence of Unhappiness: Happiness is inherently within us, a calm, peaceful contentment, and a state of being "okay with life as it is". It is not something to be achieved, but rather the absence of the burdens and "crap" we add to our lives.
- The Misguided Pursuit of Success: Modern society, particularly influenced by post-World War II values, instils a belief that hard work, making money, and achieving success and safety will lead to happiness. However, this is a flawed assumption; many wealthy and famous individuals are clinically depressed, demonstrating that success does not guarantee happiness.
- The "All-Pervasive Dissatisfaction": Humans are prone to a constant striving for more, a "little voice in your head" that says "it's not good enough" regardless of what has been achieved or acquired. This inherent dissatisfaction prevents lasting contentment.
- Life as a Credit of Heartbeats: Our life is finite, measured in heartbeats, which represent our most valuable asset. Many heartbeats are "wasted" on unproductive activities, such as endless work, social media scrolling, or chasing material possessions, leading to feelings of emptiness and deception.
- The Illusion of External Validation and "Heroes": Seeking to emulate others or achieve external markers of success (like a high-profile job or a fancy car) often leads to unhappiness. People often only see a "snapshot" of someone's life, unaware of the sacrifices and internal struggles that accompany it. Everyone tends to justify their own life choices and inadvertently "advertise" them as the right path for others, creating a societal pressure to conform.
- Overemphasis on "Doing" vs. "Being": Society, particularly in a "hyper masculine world," prioritises "doing, thinking, analysing" over "being" – moments of silence, reflection, gratitude, connection, and simply flowing with life. This imbalance contributes to a loss of what makes us human.
- Flaws in Education Systems: Education often molds individuals into a standardised format, prioritising grades and a wide range of subjects, rather than nurturing individual talents and passions. This can stifle natural happiness and lead people into careers they are not aligned with.
- The Power of Alignment: True happiness and a meaningful impact on the world come from living a life that is "fully true to who you are". Being good at something doesn't necessarily mean it's "you".
- Distinction Between Pain and Suffering: Pain is an unavoidable, external event or emotion (like grief). Suffering, however, is a choice to "replay it over and over and over in your head," akin to "Netflix of unhappiness". The physiological response to a negative emotion lasts only 90 seconds; any suffering beyond that is self-generated.
- Events are Neutral, Perception is Key: Most events in life are neutral; it is the story, context, or perception we attach to them that determines our emotional outcome. This understanding allows for choosing empowering narratives.
- The Happiness Equation: Mo Gawdat defines happiness as "events minus your expectations". If events meet or exceed expectations, we are happy; if they fall short, we are unhappy. Setting realistic expectations is crucial for contentment, even in the face of profound loss.
- Challenging the Definition of Death: Death is the opposite of birth, not life. Life, or consciousness, exists eternally outside of physical form and space-time. This perspective allows for a continued relationship with loved ones who have passed away.
- Limitations of Science and Language: Science, when it dismisses what cannot be measured, can become a "religion" or "cult". A holistic view requires integrating science with philosophy, spirituality, and other disciplines. Similarly, language is limiting, and words can carry different meanings or contexts, leading to misunderstandings and unmet expectations.
- The Nature of Love and Relationships: Love is a constant, enduring force, distinct from romance or relationships, which tend to fluctuate and change over time. Hollywood's portrayal of love often sets unrealistic expectations. Self-love and authentic self-presentation are crucial for attracting aligned relationships.
Action Points:
- Question Assumptions and Re-prioritise: Critically examine the societal assumption that hard work, money, and success lead to happiness. Understand that success doesn't always lead to happiness and adjust your life's priorities accordingly.
- Consciously Spend Your "Heartbeats": Be mindful of how you spend your time and energy. Prioritise activities that foster human connection, love, awe, and new experiences over unproductive or materialistic pursuits.
- Find Your Passion and Align Your Life: Reflect on what truly makes you passionate and what you are genuinely good at, then dedicate your time to it. Strive to live a life that is intentional and aligned with your true self, even if it means going against the "prevailing tide".
- Embrace "Being" Over "Doing": Actively seek and cultivate moments of reflection, gratitude, silence, and simply "being" – absorbing life, sensing, feeling, and flowing.
- Separate Pain from Suffering: Acknowledge that pain is an unavoidable part of life, but consciously choose not to suffer by replaying negative events in your mind. Recognize the 90-second physiological limit of initial emotional responses.
- Take Radical Responsibility for Emotions: Understand that you have a choice in how you react to events. Practice choosing empowering stories and perspectives, as events are largely neutral.
- Manage Expectations: Apply the "happiness equation" (Events - Expectations) to all aspects of your life. Set realistic expectations for daily events, relationships, and even major life challenges to cultivate peace and contentment.
- Transform Negative Energy: If you feel anger or other negative emotions, recognise it as pure energy. Choose to channel this energy into compassionate, kind, or generous actions rather than destructive or unproductive ones.
- Cultivate Self-Love and Authenticity: Love yourself as you are. "Advertise" your authentic self in relationships and life, attracting those who appreciate you for who you truly are, rather than trying to appeal to everyone.
- Invest in Your "Happiness Gym": Treat happiness as a skill that requires practice. Dedicate time daily to learning, reflection, and surrounding yourself with people who encourage happiness. Choose to consume positive content and consciously opt for feelings like compassion over anger.
- Surrender to the Nature of Life: Accept the things that cannot be changed, such as death, as a form of strength and wisdom. This mindset allows for finding peace even amidst great loss.