Dr Anna Machin is an evolutionary anthropologist at Oxford University, a researcher into the role of fatherhood across time and an author.
The modern world has made dads surplus to requirements in many ways. The deadbeat dad is such a meme in sitcoms and cartoons now that it’s no surprise men don’t feel they have a role in child rearing. But just how important are fathers to the development of boys and girls? And what don’t we know about their impact?
Expect to learn how fathers saved the human race when babies heads got too big, whether it’s normal for dads to not feel love for their baby when it’s born, the most important ways dads can bond with their kids, whether dads are more important to girls’ or boys’ development, what pushback Anna got for writing a pro-father book and much more…
Male Inquality - Big Think with Richard Reeves
Boys and men are falling behind. This might seem surprising to some people, and maybe ridiculous to others, considering that discussions on gender disparities tend to focus on the structural challenges faced by girls and women, not boys and men.
But long-term data reveal a clear and alarming trend: In recent decades, American men have been faring increasingly worse in many areas of life, including education, workforce participation, skill acquisition, wages, and fatherhood.
Gender politics is often framed as a zero-sum game: Any effort to help men takes away from women. But in his 2022 book Of Boys and Men, journalist and Brookings Institution scholar Richard V. Reeves argues that the structural problems contributing to male malaise affect everybody, and that shying away from these tough conversations is not a productive path forward.
Is marriage dying? - Big Think with Richard Reeves
Marriage in the U.S. has fundamentally transformed over the past century. In general, women have far greater legal and economic power in marriages than they did just decades ago, and while it was once difficult for women to file for divorce, today women do so at twice the rate of men. What’s more, gay marriage has been legal in all 50 states since 2015.
Still, other aspects of marriage in the U.S. have remained remarkably unchanged. As journalist and Brookings Institution scholar Richard Reeves points out, a college-educated woman today is about just as likely to get married as her mother was — and even a bit more likely to stay married.
But the same is not true for Americans on the lower end of the socioeconomic scale. As Reeves notes in this Big Think video, it’s important for all humans to have strong and meaningful relationships, whether within the context of marriage or not. The question is how to best ensure that the most people can build those relationships.
What the sexual revolution has done to modern families - Big Think with Richard Reeves, Judith Butler and more
How has the sexual revolution reshaped our understanding of relationships and family? After the sexual liberation movement of the 1960s and 1970s began upending traditional norms, Americans started seeing greater personal freedoms and a more flexible understanding of relationships, sexuality, and family roles.
One lasting impact is that marriage is now based primarily on choice rather than societal expectations, and men are no longer always expected to be the head of the household.
But despite the clear benefits of increased egalitarianism and personal liberty, the sexual revolution arguably came with trade-offs. As journalist Louise Perry notes, one example is that far more children are being raised in broken homes today than they were decades ago, even though nearly every conceivable metric shows that it’s better for children to have married parents.
Summary:
The Evolving Landscape of Family and Parenting
- Parenting is Paramount: Ultimately, what matters most is how we raise our children. Children learn and socialise themselves by observing the norms and models around them.
- Traditional Marriage and Its Transformation: Monogamous marriage historically contributed to more stable, peaceful, and prosperous societies, with lower rates of child and domestic abuse. However, the old model of marriage, founded on women's economic dependency, is now considered obsolete.
- Marriage as a Choice and Joint Venture: Women's increased economic power and independence have transformed marriage from a necessity into a choice, representing a significant liberation in human history. Modern marriage is increasingly viewed as a joint venture for raising children between more equal partners, a commitment device to heavily invest in kids, rather than primarily a romantic or economically dependent union.
- New Models for Stability and Equality: While modern family structures are fairer, they can also be less stable. The challenge is to create stability without sacrificing the goal of equality. The survival of marriage will depend on embracing a new model based on egalitarianism between men and women and a shared commitment to children. Alternative models like civil partnerships also play a role.
The Essential and Unique Role of Fathers
- Biological Priming for Parenthood: The myth that mothers are "instinctive parents" while fathers must "learn" is inaccurate. Men are as biologically primed to parent as women. This is supported by evolutionary anthropology, where male caretaking was critical for the survival of the human species due to the helpless nature of human infants.
- Physiological Changes in Fathers: Becoming a father triggers profound emotional and physiological changes in men, including a significant drop in testosterone, which makes them more motivated for caretaking and enhances the effect of bonding hormones. Brain scans reveal changes in areas related to risk detection, empathy, attention, planning, problem-solving, and organising, identical to those seen in mothers.
- Distinct Parental Contributions: Evolution has shaped mothers and fathers to have distinct, yet complementary, parenting roles, avoiding redundancy.
- Mothers' Role: Primarily anchored in the core, ancient parts of the brain (limbic system), focusing on fundamental nurturing, attachment, and immediate risk detection.
- Fathers' Role: Centred in the newer parts of the brain (neocortex), focusing on social cognition. The key role of fathers is to scaffold the child's entry into the world beyond the family. This involves preparing children for social complexities, building resilience, teaching them to navigate challenges and failure, and fostering social skills like communication, empathy, and self-regulation.
- The Power of Play and Challenge: Fathers are crucial in introducing "challenge" through activities like rough and tumble play, which begins around 6-9 months. This physical, rambunctious play is developmentally critical, teaching children reciprocity, empathy, physical limits, and risk assessment. It's also a highly efficient way for fathers to build strong bonds due to the release of powerful bonding chemicals.
- Foundation for Mental Resilience: The relationship a child has with their father is a major factor in their mental health, serving as a "superhero of mental resilience" for both boys and girls. For girls in particular, a father's engagement and validation can be profoundly impactful on their self-esteem and ability to voice their identity in a patriarchal world. This secure attachment translates into higher self-esteem, reduced anxiety and depression, and better coping skills in young adulthood.
Challenges in Modern Fatherhood
- The "Dad Deficit" and Its Consequences: There's a growing "dad deficit" or fatherlessness, with many children born outside marriage and a significant number losing contact with fathers after separation. This absence disproportionately affects boys, leading to intergenerational male disadvantage in education and the labour market.
- Obsolete Models and Shifting Expectations: Men are often held to an outdated "breadwinner father" standard, which is no longer possible or desirable for many, given women's economic independence. This creates a vacuum, posing sharp questions about the purpose of fathers.
- Fathers' Emotional Struggles: Many fathers experience self-doubt, shame, and fear about their parental capabilities, often feeling a lack of immediate connection with their baby, which is a normal physiological process for men. They face immense pressure to be "hands-on" and "perfect," yet also the "breadwinner" and "rock," leading to stress and postnatal depression, which is prevalent but often unrecognised in men.
- Addressing the Empathy Gap: There is a cultural "empathy gap" where supporting men is sometimes perceived as detracting from women's needs. Men struggling with parenting challenges are often told to "pull themselves together," a response rarely directed at struggling mothers.
Actions for a Positive Future
- Reinforce Father's Importance: We must change the narrative around fathers to accurately reflect their biological priming and unique developmental importance to children, based on scientific facts rather than myths.
- Support for Expectant Fathers: Provide targeted antenatal (prenatal) groups and resources for men to discuss their fears, understand physiological changes, and learn how to build bonds through interaction. Educate them that bonding is built over time, especially through interaction, not necessarily immediately at birth.
- Promote Skin-to-Skin Contact: Ensure fathers are routinely offered and encouraged to engage in skin-to-skin contact with newborns, which is critical for bonding and hormonal release.
- Recognise "Social Fathers": Broaden the definition of "father" beyond biological to include significant male figures (grandfathers, uncles, teachers, coaches) who contribute to a child's development.
- Cultural Shift and Policy Investment: Combat media stereotypes of "useless dads" and advocate for policies like equal paternity leave, which benefits children, fathers, mothers (career progression), and society by fostering shared parenting responsibilities and reducing the gender pay gap. Governments need to recognise the long-term societal benefits of investing in father involvement.