The YouTube video "Words That Win: How To Instantly Influence Anyone (use ethically)" from the "Charisma on Command" channel details seven powerful principles of persuasion that influence decision-making, including your own, and provides ethical ways to apply them, as well as how to recognise when they are being used on you. The video credits Robert Cialdini's book Influence as a primary source for these principles.
Social Proof:
- Principle: People look to others to determine the value of something or someone. If many people want something, others will also want it, even if they don't know why.
- Examples: A YouTuber hiring 25 paparazzi made the street think he was a movie star, leading people to line up for selfies despite not knowing him. People might assume someone is "worth something" if they are associated with other valued individuals.
- Warnings: This principle can warp your perception of someone in a closed social system (like school or office), potentially leading you to pursue relationships with people you don't actually like, or dismiss amazing people others don't value. It has limits; for example, a comedy club owner evaluating talent won't be tricked into thinking a comedian is funny just because a hired crowd laughs.
- Action Points:
- When meeting new people, focus on having fun and talking to everyone; seeing you interact positively with various groups makes you "magnetic".
- In job recruitment, applying to multiple companies and mentioning other offers (if you have them) can make you a more attractive candidate to your dream company, leveraging social proof (and scarcity).
Scarcity:
- Principle: People have an innate fear of missing out (FOMO) and regret, so the perceived value of something increases when it's rare or in short supply.
- Examples: A job candidate with multiple offers becomes more attractive because they might not be available. Phrases like "almost sold out" or "limited time only" trigger FOMO. Jordan Belfort used "act right now" and "time... you read about it in the Wall Street Journal, it's already too late" to persuade people to invest in stocks.
- Warnings: This principle "should trigger flashing red warning signs in your mind" as it can quickly separate you from your money. Salespeople often lie about scarcity. Scarcity can be artificially created (e.g., limiting spots for an automated online course) or used manipulatively in personal relationships (e.g., purposely delaying texts to make attention seem scarce).
- Action Points:
- Identify "scarcity speech" (e.g., "almost sold out," "limited time only") to avoid falling victim to manipulative tactics.
- Be wary of time scarcity, as it can push you into bad decisions.
Consistency:
- Principle: People dislike admitting they were wrong and feel pressure to remain consistent with their past statements or actions.
- Examples: In a contentious conversation, Jordan Peterson persuaded Kathy Newman to agree with his viewpoint by showing her that her own actions (aggressively pursuing truth) were consistent with his belief that "in order to be able to think you have to risk being offensive". Saul persuaded Tuco not to kill associates by reminding him of a past act of fairness and giving him the reputation of being "tough but fair," and "all about Justice".
- Action Points:
- Before trying to change someone's mind, show them that, based on their past actions, you already agree.
- Give someone a reputation they want to live up to; they will try to act consistently with that image, provided they genuinely want and can believe that reputation.
Reciprocity:
- Principle: People are more likely to agree to a request if they have previously received a favour or gift from the person asking.
- Examples: A friend helping you move makes you more likely to help them in return. Dwight buying bagels for colleagues to make them "owe him one" is an exaggerated, manipulative example.
- Warnings: Be aware when someone gives you something specifically to trigger your sense of obligation and then asks for a bigger favour. Another sneaky form is the "rejection then retreat" technique in negotiations: a person makes an extreme request, which you reject, and then "retreats" to a smaller, more reasonable request, making you feel they've done you a favour, compelling you to accept.
- Action Points:
- Defend yourself from the "rejection then retreat" tactic by not feeling obligated to meet in the middle; it's okay to stand your ground if your position is fair.
- When negotiating, ensure each suggestion is reasonable and made in good faith; making a lowball or obviously manipulative first offer will make the person dislike you.
Authority:
- Principle: People instinctively listen to those they perceive as credible or expert.
- Examples: A teenager posed as a doctor and set up a medical clinic. Payless pranked designer shoe buyers by creating a fake luxury store environment with symbols of authority (avant-garde sculptures, sales associates, high prices) to make cheap shoes seem high-end and desirable.
- Warnings: This instinct can be abused, especially with symbols of authority like titles, credentials, or uniforms. Blindly trusting an actual authority can still be dangerous (e.g., a successful business person giving bad business advice, or a real doctor giving bad medical advice).
- Action Points:
- When making a life-changing decision based on expert advice, trace financial incentives (does the authority benefit financially if you follow their advice?).
- Always seek a second opinion if possible.
Liking:
- Principle: People are more easily persuaded by those they like.
- Examples: Being charismatic makes life easier, leading to more friends, dates, job offers, and promotions.
- Action Points: Improve your likability; the channel suggests exploring their other videos or Charisma University for guidance.
Risk Mitigation (Not in Cialdini's Book but Highly Persuasive):
- Principle: People are loss-averse; they fear being ripped off, wasting time, or making a big decision they'll regret. Offering a way to minimize the potential downside of saying "yes" can be incredibly persuasive.
- Examples: Jordan Belfort, in a sales context, offered to "start small" with a "one shot, 30 days" commitment, making it easier for a client to say yes by reducing the perceived risk of a full commitment.
- Action Points: When trying to persuade someone, consider their potential downsides to agreeing and offer ways to minimise those risks (e.g., a 60-day money-back guarantee for an online course that only runs 30 days).