Seven tips for parenting teen boys: 'Nagging them is like shouting into a void'

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/oct/10/seven-tips-for-parenting-teen-boys-nagging-them-is-like-shouting-into-a-void

Boys and men tend to find validation and self-worth when they succeed at something they think is worthwhile. This partially explains teen sensitivity to failing, losing or looking “like a loser” in front of their friends or others their own age. When testosterone is combined with a hunger to test oneself in a body driven by an immature brain, the result often involves poor choices and risky behaviour.

1. Don’t shame them

2. Let them know they’re not stupid, they’re just developing

3. Don’t forget the loving names and reminding that you love them

4. Nagging them is like shouting into a void

5. Make your home a safe place for friends

6. Marinate them in stories of good men

7. Love them as they are, not for what you think they should be

Every teen boy is yearning to be seen, really heard and loved as he is not as we think he should be. They are way more vulnerable than we have been conditioned to believe. We need to love and respect our sons, especially while they cannot love or respect themselves – yet.

How to Help Your Kids Build Self-Esteem

https://lifehacker.com/how-to-help-your-kids-build-self-esteem-1841909386

Trying to help our kids build up their self-esteem by constantly heaping praise on them is not the way to go. What kids need, instead, is to learn how to develop their own competence. In fact, by over-praising kids, we’re doing more harm than good. “We’re lowering the bar for them,” Taylor says. “If you keep telling your child she is already doing a fantastic job, you’re saying she no longer needs to push herself. But confidence comes from doing, from trying and failing and trying again—from practice.”

Let them practice a lot

Help them assess their own performance

Remember that struggle is good

We know we’re supposed to praise effort over results or ability. (It’s the difference between “I saw how much you practiced your math problems this morning,” versus “I’m so proud that you aced that test!”). It can be hard to reel it in, though, when your child really does excel at something. But kids who become too focused on performance may begin to take fewer risks or hesitate to rise to new challenges, lest they not do as well as they’d like or as well as they think we’d expect them to.