23 July 2016
If you want to master multiple habits and stick to them for good, then you need to figure out how to be consistent. It is best to focus on one specific habit, work on it until you master it, and make it an automatic part of your daily life. Then, repeat the process for the next habit.
Research has shown that you are two to three times more likely to stick with your habits if you make a specific plan for when, where, and how you will perform the behavior. Psychologists call these specific plans “implementation intentions” because they state when, where, and how you intend to implement a particular behavior.
However (and this is crucial to understand) follow-up research has discovered implementation intentions only work when you focus on one goal at a time.
When you begin practicing a new habit it requires a lot of conscious effort to remember to do it. After awhile, however, the pattern of behavior becomes easier. Eventually, your new habit becomes a normal routine and the process is more or less mindless and automatic. Automaticity is the ability to perform a behavior without thinking about each step, which allows the pattern to become automatic and habitual. Automaticity only occurs as the result of lots of repetition and practice. The more reps you put in, the more automatic a behavior becomes.
21 July 2016
19 July 2016
When stress is high and anxiety has taken over, the hardest thing anyone can do is “calm down.” What if, instead, you capitalized on this negative, heightened emotion and turned it into a more positive one, like excitement. Start by telling yourself, “I am excited.”. The reason is that anxiety and excitement are both similar arousal state of emotions.
If you want to change someone’s mind on the topic, you probably feel like the only thing you really need is evidence. However, to really get through to someone, you need equal parts empathy and persistence in that equation.
The problem with convincing someone else to change their minds is that most of us are inherently resistant to admitting we’re wrong. Sometimes, that’s good! If we gave up our beliefs every time someone linked an article that sounded legit, we’d essentially have no beliefs at all. The downside to this is that it can take a while for us to change our minds about a topic.
Good listening is much more than being silent while the other person talks. To the contrary, people perceive the best listeners to be those who periodically ask questions that promote discovery and insight. These questions gently challenge old assumptions, but do so in a constructive way. Sitting there silently nodding does not provide sure evidence that a person is listening, but asking a good question tells the speaker the listener has not only heard what was said, but that they comprehended it well enough to want additional information. Good listening was consistently seen as a two-way dialog, rather than a one-way “speaker versus hearer” interaction. The best conversations were active.
Good listening included interactions that build a person’s self-esteem. The best listeners made the conversation a positive experience for the other party, which doesn’t happen when the listener is passive (or, for that matter, critical!). Good listeners made the other person feel supported and conveyed confidence in them. Good listening was characterized by the creation of a safe environment in which issues and differences could be discussed openly.
Good listening was seen as a cooperative conversation. In these interactions, feedback flowed smoothly in both directions with neither party becoming defensive about comments the other made. By contrast, poor listeners were seen as competitive — as listening only to identify errors in reasoning or logic, using their silence as a chance to prepare their next response. That might make you an excellent debater, but it doesn’t make you a good listener. Good listeners may challenge assumptions and disagree, but the person being listened to feels the listener is trying to help, not wanting to win an argument.
Good listeners tended to make suggestions. Good listening invariably included some feedback provided in a way others would accept and that opened up alternative paths to consider. This finding somewhat surprised us, since it’s not uncommon to hear complaints that “So-and-so didn’t listen, he just jumped in and tried to solve the problem.” Perhaps what the data is telling us is that making suggestions is not itself the problem; it may be the skill with which those suggestions are made. Another possibility is that we’re more likely to accept suggestions from people we already think are good listeners. (Someone who is silent for the whole conversation and then jumps in with a suggestion may not be seen as credible. Someone who seems combative or critical and then tries to give advice may not be seen as trustworthy.)
Level 1: The listener creates a safe environment in which difficult, complex, or emotional issues can be discussed.
Level 2: The listener clears away distractions like phones and laptops, focusing attention on the other person and making appropriate eye-contact. (This behavior not only affects how you are perceived as the listener; it immediately influences the listener’s own attitudes and inner feelings. Acting the part changes how you feel inside. This in turn makes you a better listener.)
Level 3: The listener seeks to understand the substance of what the other person is saying. They capture ideas, ask questions, and restate issues to confirm that their understanding is correct.
Level 4: The listener observes nonbverbal cues, such as facial expressions, perspiration, respiration rates, gestures, posture, and numerous other subtle body language signals. It is estimated that 80% of what we communicate comes from these signals. It sounds strange to some, but you listen with your eyes as well as your ears.
Level 5: The listener increasingly understands the other person’s emotions and feelings about the topic at hand, and identifies and acknowledges them. The listener empathizes with and validates those feelings in a supportive, nonjudgmental way.
Level 6: The listener asks questions that clarify assumptions the other person holds and helps the other person to see the issue in a new light. This could include the listener injecting some thoughts and ideas about the topic that could be useful to the other person. However, good listeners never highjack the conversation so that they or their issues become the subject of the discussion.
16 July 2016
All parents want their children to grow up understanding that the best things in life are free, and that happiness has zilch to do with accumulating stuff. Getting kids to grasp these concepts, however, is more complicated than ever. That’s because many kids are raised with an expectation of entitlement when it comes to toys, clothes and other physical items.
The blame for this “I need it and deserve it” belief may also rest on exhausted parents giving in to their children’s desires. “Parents are tired and they do not want to spend the time they have with their kids fighting, so when children want things, they often don’t say no.”.
Show Them You Can Have Fun on the Cheap
Make Gratitude a Habit
Reward Kids With Special One-on-One Time
Be Careful With Your Own Materialistic Desires
Teach Kids to Pay It Forward
Spell Out Family Values