The YouTube video "8 Clear Signs Someone Is Gaslighting You (with examples)" from the channel "Charisma on Command" explains gaslighting as a dangerous form of emotional abuse where an individual manipulates another into doubting their own reality. This manipulation allows the abuser to get away with behaviour that would typically be unacceptable in a relationship. It is crucial to remember that gaslighting is a pattern of behaviour, and observing these signs repeatedly, rather than just once, is a key indicator.
Eight Signs Someone Is Gaslighting You
Attacking Your Sanity: The most obvious sign is when someone directly attacks your mental state. They might use phrases like "you're being paranoid," "you're making this all up," or "this is all in your head". This is often used to avoid admitting wrongdoing.
Rewriting the Past: Gaslighters frequently deny what they said or claim you are misremembering events. Examples include phrases like "I never said that" or "you're misremembering". This tactic is effective because it's difficult to have complete conviction in your memory days after a conversation. If you find yourself constantly doubting your memories or feeling the need to take notes to keep track, you might be a victim of this behaviour.
Talk to the person you love: It's crucial to remember that you are speaking to the person you love the most in the world.
Mind your language: Avoid using "colorful" or hurtful language that aims to "win" by slamming the other person, as this is not conducive to a blissful marriage.
Tone and body language matter: Nonverbal communication, including tone and body language, is highly significant. Rolling your eyes, for example, can be highly disrespectful and provoke a negative reaction.
Don't weaponise insecurities: You likely understand your spouse's insecurities better than anyone. Using these vulnerabilities against them is a form of betrayal, as it tells them not to be open or vulnerable with you in the future, leading to emotional hardening. For women, belittling your husband or making him feel weak will cause him to close off a vital part of himself. The husband is meant to be a source of safety, and using insecurities as a weapon compromises this.
The YouTube video features Professor Thomas Seyfried, who discusses how his understanding of cancer has evolved over decades of study. He highlights that cancer, alongside other chronic diseases like type 2 diabetes and Alzheimer's disease, has seen a relentless increase in incidence over the last 50 to 70 years. This rise is largely attributed to changes in our Western Civilization diet and lifestyle, including more environmental contaminants, less exercise, and diets rich in poorly nutritious carbohydrates.
TLDR: A very low carb diet could help prevent the development of cancers.
Key Insights into Cancer's Origins and Nature
Increasing Incidence: In 1995, the rate of cancer was one in four people; today, it is one in two. Most epidemiologists believe cancer is on track to overtake heart disease as the leading cause of death in various countries.
Beyond Separate Diseases: Western medical training often treats diseases as distinct entities. However, Professor Seyfried argues that the increase in chronic diseases (cancer, type 2 diabetes, Alzheimer's) points to a common underlying issue: a departure from metabolic homeostasis.
The Role of Mitochondria: Metabolic homeostasis, or the healthy functioning of our cells, is maintained by mitochondria, organelles within cells. When mitochondria become corrupted or dysfunctional, this problem can manifest as various chronic diseases depending on the tissue, including cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, Alzheimer's disease, and cancer. Professor Seyfried states that every major cancer he has studied shows defects in the number, structure, and function of its mitochondria.
Cancer is a Metabolic Disease: This mitochondrial dysfunction forces cancer cells to rely on a primitive form of energy generation called fermentation, leading to dysregulated cell growth. He strongly asserts that cancer is not primarily a genetic disease, but rather a metabolic disease.
Ancestral Health: Cancer was extremely rare in ancestral populations who lived traditional lifestyles. For example, Albert Schweitzer examined 40,000 Africans living traditionally and found no cancer. Similarly, Inuit populations, who once had very low rates of cancer, diabetes, and dementia, now suffer from these conditions after shifting to a Western diet and lifestyle.
Body's Natural Resistance: Our bodies are naturally very resistant to cancer. However, modern diets and lifestyles (obesity, exposure to chemicals in food, poor nutrition, lack of exercise) break down this inherent resistance.
Antifragility is the idea of putting pressure on a system, or human, the system or human actually grows bigger and stronger.
Antifragile systems are all around us. One example of this is our muscular system. We go to the gym to lift weights. By doing so we are putting pressure on our system to help it grow stronger. The human body is an antifragile system.
From a psychological perspective, antifragility comes in the form of PTG, or post-traumatic growth. After we experience a stressful event, we learn and grow to become more resilient.
Dr Anna Machin is an evolutionary anthropologist at Oxford University, a researcher into the role of fatherhood across time and an author.
The modern world has made dads surplus to requirements in many ways. The deadbeat dad is such a meme in sitcoms and cartoons now that it’s no surprise men don’t feel they have a role in child rearing. But just how important are fathers to the development of boys and girls? And what don’t we know about their impact?
Expect to learn how fathers saved the human race when babies heads got too big, whether it’s normal for dads to not feel love for their baby when it’s born, the most important ways dads can bond with their kids, whether dads are more important to girls’ or boys’ development, what pushback Anna got for writing a pro-father book and much more…
Male Inquality - Big Think with Richard Reeves
Boys and men are falling behind. This might seem surprising to some people, and maybe ridiculous to others, considering that discussions on gender disparities tend to focus on the structural challenges faced by girls and women, not boys and men.
But long-term data reveal a clear and alarming trend: In recent decades, American men have been faring increasingly worse in many areas of life, including education, workforce participation, skill acquisition, wages, and fatherhood.
Gender politics is often framed as a zero-sum game: Any effort to help men takes away from women. But in his 2022 book Of Boys and Men, journalist and Brookings Institution scholar Richard V. Reeves argues that the structural problems contributing to male malaise affect everybody, and that shying away from these tough conversations is not a productive path forward.
Is marriage dying? - Big Think with Richard Reeves
Marriage in the U.S. has fundamentally transformed over the past century. In general, women have far greater legal and economic power in marriages than they did just decades ago, and while it was once difficult for women to file for divorce, today women do so at twice the rate of men. What’s more, gay marriage has been legal in all 50 states since 2015.
Still, other aspects of marriage in the U.S. have remained remarkably unchanged. As journalist and Brookings Institution scholar Richard Reeves points out, a college-educated woman today is about just as likely to get married as her mother was — and even a bit more likely to stay married.
But the same is not true for Americans on the lower end of the socioeconomic scale. As Reeves notes in this Big Think video, it’s important for all humans to have strong and meaningful relationships, whether within the context of marriage or not. The question is how to best ensure that the most people can build those relationships.
What the sexual revolution has done to modern families - Big Think with Richard Reeves, Judith Butler and more
How has the sexual revolution reshaped our understanding of relationships and family? After the sexual liberation movement of the 1960s and 1970s began upending traditional norms, Americans started seeing greater personal freedoms and a more flexible understanding of relationships, sexuality, and family roles.
One lasting impact is that marriage is now based primarily on choice rather than societal expectations, and men are no longer always expected to be the head of the household.
But despite the clear benefits of increased egalitarianism and personal liberty, the sexual revolution arguably came with trade-offs. As journalist Louise Perry notes, one example is that far more children are being raised in broken homes today than they were decades ago, even though nearly every conceivable metric shows that it’s better for children to have married parents.
Forget "I'll be happy when...". If you can't be happy when pursuing a goal you won't be happy when you achieved it.
Expectations cause a lot of unhappiness. Often we suffer because we believe a thought that argues with reality. Reality has no concept of that something "should" have happened or someone "should" have behaved a particular way. This is simply our own personal belief, that is creating a happiness gap between reality and our imagined reality.
You don't know your future. If you are pained by external things, it is not that they disturb you, but your judgement of them that disturbs you, and it is in your power to wipe out that judgement.
The story of the Chinese farmer:
Once upon a time there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbours came around to commiserate. They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.” The farmer said, “Maybe.”. The next day the horse came back bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening everybody came back and said, “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!” The farmer again said, “Maybe.”. The following day his son tried to break one of the horses, and while riding it, he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbours then said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer responded, “Maybe.”. The next day the conscription officers came around to conscript people into the army, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again all the neighbours came around and said, “Isn’t that great!” Again, he said, “Maybe.”.
Harvard negotiator explains how to argue - Big Think with Dan Shapiro
The 4 hidden forces underneath each argument - Big Think with Amanda Ripley
Understanding Conflict and Its Nature
Acknowledge Conflict as Inevitable and Useful: Everyone experiences conflict, and while it can feel uncomfortable, it is inherently useful.
Focus on "How" Not "What": The core problem in arguments is often not the specific topic ("what" we are arguing about), but rather "how" the disagreement is approached.
Avoid the "Tribal Trap": Be aware of the tendency to discredit the opposing side, aiming to prove oneself right and silence others. This adversarial approach is unproductive.
The YouTube video "Words That Win: How To Instantly Influence Anyone (use ethically)" from the "Charisma on Command" channel details seven powerful principles of persuasion that influence decision-making, including your own, and provides ethical ways to apply them, as well as how to recognise when they are being used on you. The video credits Robert Cialdini's book Influence as a primary source for these principles.
Social Proof:
Principle: People look to others to determine the value of something or someone. If many people want something, others will also want it, even if they don't know why.
Examples: A YouTuber hiring 25 paparazzi made the street think he was a movie star, leading people to line up for selfies despite not knowing him. People might assume someone is "worth something" if they are associated with other valued individuals.
Warnings: This principle can warp your perception of someone in a closed social system (like school or office), potentially leading you to pursue relationships with people you don't actually like, or dismiss amazing people others don't value. It has limits; for example, a comedy club owner evaluating talent won't be tricked into thinking a comedian is funny just because a hired crowd laughs.
Action Points:
When meeting new people, focus on having fun and talking to everyone; seeing you interact positively with various groups makes you "magnetic".
In job recruitment, applying to multiple companies and mentioning other offers (if you have them) can make you a more attractive candidate to your dream company, leveraging social proof (and scarcity).
Productivity is About Enjoying the Journey, Not Just Getting More Done:
The truth about productivity isn't primarily about apps, perfect systems, discipline, or motivation. While these help, the "hidden secret" is learning to enjoy the journey, because "when we're having fun... productivity kind of just takes care of itself".
We rarely need motivation for enjoyable activities like watching Netflix or playing video games. Motivation is typically required for tasks that are "short-term painful for long-term gain".
Action Point: Shift your mindset to focus on finding joy in the tasks you're doing, rather than solely on the outcome or the quantity of work completed.