Happiness, Confidence, Confrontation and Rumination - Knowledge For Men

How to be Happy. An excellent definition of happiness. First decide in which directions you want your life to go. Then happiness is the feeling you have when you are moving in those directions, making progress, moving in alignment with your goals. Thus happiness is not itself an end-state, nor is it achieved by hitting other end-states or goals. Instead it is part of the journey or progress of your life in the right direction.


How to increase confidence. Confidence is defined as feeling sure of yourself and your abilities to handle a situation:


How to deal with confrontation:


How to stop ruminating:

Gender Through the Eyes of a Primatologist - Dr Jordan Peterson with Frans de Waal

An interesting podcast discussing how gender/sex differences affect humans with reference to what has been learned from primates and other animal species.

1. Dr. Frans de Waal's Work and Influence

• Dr. de Waal is a highly accomplished scientist, having published hundreds of articles in prestigious journals like Science and Nature, a feat described as rare and placing him "in the league of his own".
• His popular books, translated into over 20 languages, have made him one of the world's most visible primatologists.
• His work has been profoundly influential, particularly on the biological basis of morality, the development of moral sentiments in chimpanzees, and the sophisticated nature of hierarchical behaviour in primates. He also focuses on play and gender.
• De Waal was trained as an ethologist, studying naturalistic animal behaviour, initially focusing on observation and later incorporating behavioural experiments to study reconciliation, empathy, and cooperation.

2. Hierarchies and Social Organisation

• De Waal challenges the simplistic view that dominance hierarchies are based purely on coercion and power. He argues that a dominant individual needs followers, and dominance is a "two-way street".
• Stable alpha males in chimpanzee society are often not bullies, but rather peacekeepers who break up fights, defend the underdog (e.g., juveniles against adults, females against males), reassure distressed individuals, and can be extremely popular.
• An alpha male's position often depends on the support of others, including male and female supporters, who must be kept happy through reciprocity. For example, an alpha male might allow a male supporter to mate with females in exchange for continued support.
• This concept of stable social organisation being predicated on competence and reciprocity, rather than mere power, is considered revolutionary.
• Female chimpanzees and bonobos can be very powerful, with collective female dominance observed in bonobos, particularly when females can travel together and form strong "sisterhoods". Mama, an alpha female chimpanzee, was dominant for 40 years and crucial in the alpha male dynamics.

3. Sex, Gender, and Play Behaviour

• De Waal distinguishes sex (biological, based on chromosomes, genitals, hormones) from gender (masculine/feminine, cultural, flexible, and related to social norms and expectations).
• He contends that gender is not purely a social construct; it is "grounded in biological differences" and would not exist without sexes. The concept of gender is related to sex and never purely cultural.
• Toy preferences and play behaviours are deeply rooted in biology and observed across primate species and human children.
  • Young female primates and girls show a strong interest in infants, carrying them like dolls and displaying nurturing behaviour.
  • Young male primates and boys exhibit higher energy levels, preferring rough-and-tumble play and mock fighting, which serves as preparation for adult competition and helps them learn to control their physical strength.
• The segregation of boys and girls in playgrounds is partly due to girls disliking the rough nature of boys' play.
• Rough-and-tumble play is essential for male development, teaching control over strength, how to be "nice," and how to release pressure. The suppression of this type of play in schools (e.g., forbidding physical contact) is problematic and can lead to boys being disadvantaged or over-medicated.
• Self-socialisation plays a significant role in children's development, with children emulating individuals of their own sex, including adult models and fictional characters.

4. Female Choice, Sexuality, and Competition

• Female choice in mating is more significant than previously thought, even in chimpanzees. While dominant males mate more often, paternity testing reveals that females have preferences that don't always align with male hierarchy, and they actively seek sex with multiple males.
• Female sexuality is often adventurous, with bonobo females, for instance, having more sex than strictly necessary for reproduction and possessing a large clitoris, indicating pleasure-seeking.
• Female competition, while perhaps less physical, is not absent. It can be subtle and less visible, such as girls excluding others or using social tactics that boys may not even perceive as "fights".
• There's an observation that male fights often reconcile quickly, while female conflicts can be longer-lasting or involve "peacekeeping" by avoiding rivals rather than direct reconciliation.

5. Animal Cognition and Understanding Animals

• De Waal advocates for understanding animals on their own terms, considering their unique physical features and sensory perceptions ("Umwelt"). For example, elephants use their trunks as both hands and noses, affecting how they interact with tools.
• Examples like elephants using boxes to reach food or counting with their noses (distinguishing quantities of sunflower seeds) highlight their intelligence and sensory capabilities that differ vastly from humans.
• Humans tend to judge animal intelligence by human standards (language, tool use), overlooking complex cognitive skills like echolocation in bats and dolphins.
• De Waal argues for respecting homologies, meaning that similarities between species due to common ancestry (e.g., a chimpanzee's hand or laugh) should be described using the same terminology, rather than avoiding "anthropomorphism".

6. Consciousness and Sentience

• De Waal links consciousness to the capacity for future planning. If humans cannot plan without consciousness, it is likely that animals, such as chimpanzees who plan tool use, also possess a form of consciousness.
• The broader category of sentience (the ability to experience positive or negative experiences) is believed to extend far down the animal chain, possibly to insects and invertebrates.
• Experiments showing fish and crabs avoiding places where they were shocked suggest they experience pain and memory, indicating sentience.
• Self-consciousness, observed in some apes (chimpanzees, orangutans) through mirror recognition and self-adornment, suggests they view themselves as modifiable entities. This aligns with an observed female tendency for self-embellishment in apes and humans, which can be linked to unconscious hormonal influences, particularly during ovulation.

7. Modern Societal Challenges and Sex Differences

• Concerns are raised about boys' underperformance in school and decreasing interest in sexual activity, which might be linked to the suppression of male-typical behaviours often misconstrued as purely dominance-driven.
• The discussion touches on the "culture of fragility" in society, suggesting a lack of opportunities for children to learn resilience and conflict resolution, partly due to smaller families and over-mediated conflicts.
• The "egalitarian paradox" is mentioned: in more egalitarian societies (like Scandinavia), gender differences in personality and interests actually maximise, contradicting social constructionist predictions. Girls are reliably more interested in people, and boys in things, with this difference being most pronounced in egalitarian countries, significantly impacting occupational choices.
• This suppression of male ambition, often associated unthinkingly with negative power dynamics rather than competence and reciprocity, is seen as detrimental to men's engagement in social and interpersonal life.
• The impact of social media on aggression is discussed, with the lack of face-to-face confrontation potentially facilitating a "female style of anti-social behaviour" (gossip, reputation damage) among men, as the usual deterrent of physical aggression is absent.
• De Waal fundamentally believes that reconciliation, competence, empathy, and long-term planning are more fundamental to social interaction than aggression and violence, offering an optimistic perspective on human and animal nature.

Is it Time for a Tactical Break from Alcohol? - Dr Rangan Chatterjee

It's never to early to start

Many modern lifestyle diseases such as heart disease, diabetes or dementia, do not suddenly occur in old age. They are formed in your 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s. It is only that the symptoms become significant in old age.

To help prevent them, you need to focus on good sleep, healthy eating (eating less processed food, eating more diverse food, drinking less alcohol...), regular exercise and participating in good social relationships throughout your adult life. What you do in your earlier life sows the seeds for your later life, so don't wait for tomorrow to make changes.

I am who I think you think I am

I heard a great quote today:

"I am not who I think I am. I am not who you think I am. I am who I think you think I am." - Charles Cooley

Charles Cooley referred to the "Looking-Glass Self": we come to know ourselves by seeing our reflection in other people’s eyes.

It is hard enough to understand our own perceptions without subjective error. Other people form their perceptions of you through fragments of interactions with you, seen through their own understanding; this introduces subjective error. Our perception of other people's perception (of us) adds another layer of subjective error.

Given that our perception of someone else's perception may drive who you think you are, think hard about who you want to be, who you feel you are, and how you are influenced by yourself and others. Your identity, or more specifically, your perception of your identity, is a critical asset, so make sure you don't sleepwalk into who you think you are. Direct your thinking to what achieves the best outcome.

The Liver King - The Diary of a CEO

Quite enjoyed listening to this podcast with The Liver King. Don't agree with everything said but lots of good points raised:

Finding Balance In A Dopamine Overloaded World - Dr Rangan Chatterjee with Dr Anna Lembke

Key Learnings

1. Dopamine's Core Function and Misconceptions

   • Dopamine is a brain chemical essential for informing us about environmental and body state changes.
   • It signals things we should approach, work for, or pay attention to.
   • It is fundamental to addiction, released by highly pleasurable and reinforcing activities.
   • Misconception: Dopamine is not only released in response to pleasure; it can also be released by aversive stimuli that require attention. It is crucial for motivation, reward, and movement, and its depletion is linked to Parkinsonism.

2. The Pleasure-Pain Balance (Teeter-Totter Analogy)

   • Pleasure and pain operate like a balance in the brain, striving to remain level (homeostasis).
   • When we experience pleasure, the balance tips to that side, triggering the brain to downregulate dopamine production and transmission, bringing it back to baseline and even below.
   • This "below baseline" state is described as "gremlins hopping on the pain side" of the balance, creating an "after effect," "come down," or "hangover".
   • If we wait long enough, these neuroadaptation "gremlins" hop off, and baseline dopamine levels are restored.

3. Chronic Dopamine Deficit State and Addiction

   • Repeated overconsumption (of a "drug of choice," which can be anything from coffee to social media) causes the balance to get stuck, chronically tilted to the side of pain.
   • This leads to a dopamine deficit state, where individuals need their drug not to feel good, but merely to restore a level balance and feel "normal".
   • When not using, individuals experience universal withdrawal symptoms like anxiety, irritability, insomnia, depression, and intrusive thoughts of using.
   • Tolerance develops: Less pleasure is derived from the same drug over time, while the painful after-effects become stronger and longer. This means more of the drug or more potent forms are needed to achieve the same effect.
   • Eventually, the brain adapts so thoroughly that the drug no longer tips the balance to pleasure at all, but immediately to pain (e.g., cannabis users experiencing paranoia or anxiety instead of relaxation).

4. The "Dopamine Overloaded World"

   • Modern society is "dopamine overloaded" where everything has become "drug-ified" – more accessible, abundant, potent, reinforcing, and novel.
   • The internet and smartphones have significantly exacerbated this:
     • They are inherently reinforcing (screens like primitive fires, tapping/swiping).
     • They provide portals to existing drugs (e.g., ordering cocaine, easier access to pornography).
     • They have created new "drugs" that didn't exist before, such as video games and social media.
     • Social media "druggifies" human connection with bright lights, curated profiles, bottomless bowls, likes, and rankings, making them more potent and dopamine-releasing.

5. Defining Addiction and Normalised Addictions

   • Addiction is defined as "the continued compulsive use of a substance or behavior despite harm to self and/or others".
   • Key components (the "four C's"): Control (using more than planned), Compulsion (mental focus on using, automaticity), Craving (overwhelming urge to use), and Consequences (health, relationship, work, spiritual harm).
   • Physical tolerance, dependence, and withdrawal are not always necessary for addiction; psychological withdrawal symptoms (anxiety, irritability, depression) can be the primary manifestation.
   • Common, normalised addictions include caffeine, alcohol, digital products (phones, social media, video games), and work (especially in a 24/7, high-stress environment, potentially releasing adrenaline which enhances dopamine release). Even painful stimuli like "doom scrolling" or intense stress can be addictive.

6. The Problem of "Cheap Dopamine"

   • The constant availability of quick, easy dopamine hits (e.g., from phones, highly processed foods) reduces the desire to engage in activities that require patience, practice, and discipline before yielding pleasure.
   • This can lead to a generation with less resilience, a narrowed world, and a joy set point shifted to the side of pain, meaning they need greater and greater rewards to feel anything. Simple pleasures (like a walk in nature or a ripe peach) become "bland" because they cannot compete with hyper-stimulating rewards.

Action Points

1. The Dopamine Fast (Abstinence)

   • Purpose: To restore healthy dopamine levels in the brain, allow the "gremlins" to hop off the pain side, and reset reward pathways. This also helps individuals gain insight into the true impact of their "drug of choice".
   • Method: Eliminate your "drug of choice" (e.g., social media, video games, cannabis, alcohol, sugar, processed foods, gambling, pornography, work, email) for a minimum of one month.
   • Expectations: Be warned that the first two weeks will likely involve feeling worse (more anxious, depressed, restless, with intrusive cravings) due to withdrawal. However, by weeks three and four, a significant improvement in mood and well-being is typically observed.
   • Caution: For substances with potentially life-threatening physical withdrawal (e.g., severe alcohol, benzodiazepine, or opioid addiction), medically monitored detoxification or a slow taper may be necessary. For most digital or behavioural addictions, stopping "cold turkey" is generally fine.

2. Self-Binding Strategies

   • Create intentional barriers between yourself and your "drug of choice".
   • Examples: Not having work email on your phone, turning off notifications, keeping your phone out of reach, or limiting access to specific high-dopamine activities at certain times.
   • The slight pause created by these barriers can be enough to make a conscious decision not to engage.

3. Invite Painful Activities into Your Life (New Asceticism)

   • Actively seek out activities that are challenging, require effort, or involve discomfort.
   • Examples: Going for a walk outside (unplugged), physical exercise, learning a difficult skill (like snooker), engaging in creative work, or sustained attention tasks.
   • This "presses on the pain side" of the balance, prompting the brain to upregulate its own natural production of dopamine and other feel-good neurochemicals, leading to a more resilient and happier brain.

4. Parenting in a Dopamine Overloaded World

   • Delay access to devices: Keep high-dopamine devices and behaviours out of reach for young children (arguably under 10 or 12).
   • Monitor heavily: When devices are used, ensure they are heavily monitored by caregivers.
   • Prioritise real-life skills: Foster social skills, physical activities, and creative, sustained attention systems in real-life settings to build a strong foundation before extensive online exposure.
   • Create a "dopamine cave" at home: Design the home environment to minimise quick and easy dopamine fixes, reducing the need for constant willpower.
   • Discuss values: Have explicit conversations about healthy digital use, etiquette, and family values regarding technology.
   • Be prepared to remove devices: Acknowledge that some children are more vulnerable to addiction; be willing to take away devices if a child cannot manage their use.

5. Embrace Radical Honesty

   • Practice telling the truth about everything, not just big things, but also small, everyday matters.
   • Be vulnerable: Disclose shameful things or aspects of yourself you'd rather keep hidden.
   • Benefits: This creates true intimacy (a natural source of dopamine), helps build a truthful autobiographical narrative for self-reflection and informed decision-making, and strengthens the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain involved in future planning, delayed gratification, and impulse control), enhancing resilience against temptations.

Anna Lembke concludes with an optimistic outlook, believing that humans are adaptable and that the younger generation will find balance with technology. She encourages perseverance and self-compassion for those struggling to recalibrate their relationship with pleasure.

How Humans Select And Keep Romantic Partners In The Short And Long Term - Dr Andrew Huberman with Dr David Buss

and also The Hidden Psychology of Sexual Conflict - Modern Wisdom with David Buss:

Learning Points

1. Evolutionary Psychology Framework

   • Dr. David Buss is a foundational figure in evolutionary psychology, which examines human psychology through the lens of evolutionary theory, focusing on the function of psychological mechanisms. It's essentially "psychology look[ed at] through the lens of evolutionary theory".
   • Sexual selection is a core concept, dealing with the evolution of characteristics due to their mating advantage, distinct from survival advantage. It involves two processes: intrasexual competition (same-sex rivalry for mates, often for status or resources) and preferential mate choice (one sex developing a consensus on desired qualities in the other).
   • Humans exhibit mutual mate choice, meaning both men and women have preferences and compete for desirable partners.
   • Long-term pair bonding is remarkably rare in the mammalian world (3-5% of species), making human long-term mating a unique evolutionary development involving attachment and significant male investment in offspring.

2. Universal Mate Preferences (Long-term Mating)

   • Extensive cross-cultural studies (including Dr. Buss's 37-culture study, which has been replicated) reveal universal desires in long-term partners for both sexes: intelligence, kindness, mutual attraction and love, good health, dependability, and emotional stability.
   • Love is considered a universal human experience, not a modern Western invention, with distinct infatuation and attachment phases.

3. Sex-Differentiated Mate Preferences (Long-term Mating)

   • These differences are among the most robust and replicable findings in psychology and are the "root causes of conflict between the sexes".
   • Women more than men prioritise:
     • Good earning capacity and financial resources.
     • Slightly older age (on average 3.5 to 4.5 years older).
     • Qualities associated with resource acquisition: social status, ambition, drive, and a positive long-term resource trajectory.
     • Women assess a man's status partly through attention structure (who receives the most attention from others) and use mate choice copying (a man seen with other attractive women is perceived as more desirable).
   • Men more than women prioritise:
     • Physical attractiveness and cues to youth and health (e.g., clear skin, symmetrical features, full lips, lustrous hair, a low waist-to-hip ratio). These cues signal fertility and reproductive value, though men are not consciously aware of this underlying logic.
     • Men prefer women who are, on average, 3 to 4 years younger than themselves. This age gap tends to widen as men get older, with marriage statistics showing increasing age disparities in second and third marriages. Highly successful men (e.g., Leonardo DiCaprio) demonstrate a clearer expression of this preference for younger women when unconstrained by reciprocal mate choice.

4. Cultural Variability in Mate Preferences

   • The preference for virginity (no prior sexual experience) is the most culturally variable desire. Historically, China highly valued it for both sexes, while Sweden placed almost zero value on it. This has changed over time in some cultures, with the importance of virginity decreasing in urban areas of China, and a sex difference emerging where males value it more.

5. Short-term Mating Preferences (Sexual Partner Choice)

   • Sex differences in desire for sexual variety are significant: men desire many more sexual partners over a lifetime (e.g., 18 vs. 4-5 for women) and fantasise about sex more frequently and with a wider range of partners. Men are often willing to have sex almost immediately, while women typically require more information and time.
   • For women, physical appearance becomes more important in short-term mating.
   • Men are willing to lower their standards for low-commitment, low-risk sexual encounters.
   • Women may be attracted to "bad boy" qualities (self-confident, arrogant, risk-taking, defiant) in short-term partners, contrasting with "good dad" qualities for long-term mates.
   • Women's attraction to men is more context-specific (e.g., a man's status or role in a group can significantly enhance his attractiveness), whereas men's attraction to women is largely based on specific psychophysical cues and is less context-dependent.

6. Deception in Mating

   • Both men and women engage in deception to appear more desirable based on the preferences of the person they want to attract.
   • Men often exaggerate income (~20%) and add inches to their height (~2 inches).
   • Women tend to underreport their weight (~15 pounds).
   • Both sexes use flattering or older photos online.
   • A common, evolutionarily recurrent deception by men is feigning long-term interest to secure short-term sexual access.
   • Modern online dating, while facilitating connections, also provides opportunities for new forms of deception (e.g., Photoshopping, concealing reputational issues) that were harder ancestrally in small social groups.

7. Infidelity

   • Infidelity (sexual, emotional, or financial) is a widespread but highly concealed human behaviour.
   • Sex differences in motives:
     • Men: Primarily driven by a desire for sexual variety/novelty (70% of cheating men cite this). Men's happiness in their primary relationship often does not predict their infidelity rates.
     • Women: More often rooted in unhappiness with the primary relationship (emotional or sexual dissatisfaction).
   • Female infidelity typically serves a "mate switching" function, where women seek to leave an existing relationship, trade up, or secure a backup mate. Evidence includes 70% of women who have affairs reporting that they fall in love and become deeply emotionally involved with their affair partner.
   • Men who have affairs tend to do so with a larger number of partners, while women often focus on one emotional connection.
   • Other forms of infidelity:
     • Emotional infidelity: Developing deep psychological closeness, love, and sharing intimate information with someone outside the primary relationship. Women are typically more distressed by emotional infidelity, whereas men are more focused on sexual infidelity due to paternity uncertainty.
     • Financial infidelity: Keeping secret bank accounts or credit cards, hiding expenditures, or diverting pooled resources without a partner's knowledge. This is reported by 30-60% of people.

8. Jealousy and Mate Guarding

   • Jealousy is an evolved emotion that serves a mate guarding or mate retention function, protecting investment in a long-term relationship.
   • It's activated by threats like cues to infidelity, emotional distance, the presence of mate poachers, or emerging mate value discrepancies within a relationship (e.g., one partner's career takes off while the other struggles).
   • Mate retention tactics range from vigilance (e.g., stalking, monitoring social media) to extreme violence.
   • Intimate Partner Violence (IPV): A "desperate measure" (more often by men) to retain a partner, inflict costs, or reduce a perceived mate value discrepancy. This can involve verbal abuse (e.g., denigrating a partner's appearance) or physical violence, which can literally lower the victim's mate value by causing injury or forcing concealment. Abusive men may also try to cut off their partner's social support (friends, family) to isolate them. IPV is a "horrendous thing" but has an "unfortunate function" from an evolutionary perspective, and affects close to a third of women in their lifetime.
   • Specific male violence during pregnancy, if paternity is suspected to be non-existent, can involve blows to the abdomen, hypothesised to terminate the rival's offspring.

9. The Dark Triad and Sexual Conflict

   • The Dark Triad consists of three personality traits: narcissism (grandiosity, entitlement), Machiavellianism (exploitative social strategy, manipulation), and psychopathy (lack of empathy).
   • Men tend to score higher on these traits than women, especially psychopathy.
   • Individuals high in Dark Triad traits are often sexual deceivers, serial sexual harassers, and sexual coercers. They are more susceptible to the male sexual misperception bias and often combine these traits with a short-term mating strategy.
   • "Bad boy" traits often associated with Dark Triad (self-confidence, risk-taking, arrogance) can be attractive, particularly to younger women, for short-term mating, but these individuals are "disastrous as long-term mates".
   • The modern environment (large cities, online dating) allows Dark Triad individuals to escape the reputational costs they would have faced in ancestral small groups.
   • Stalking: A significant sex difference exists, with about 80% of criminal stalkers being men. Motivations include re-establishing a relationship or interfering with the victim's future mating prospects. Stalking can sometimes "work" by scaring off rivals or by temporarily forcing a reunion (in a minority of cases, ~15%). Stalkers are typically of a much lower mate value than their victims.
   • Sexual Violence: The "most widespread human rights violation in the world". The vast majority of rapes are not by strangers, but are date, acquaintance, or partner rapes. Perpetrators are often not "loser males," but rather men who are successful, have high sex drive, desire for sexual variety, and can get away with it due to power and wealth (e.g., Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby). It is likely that not all men are potential rapists, but a subset, often with Dark Triad traits, are.

10. Mate Value and Children

    • For women (and men), having children from a previous relationship generally decreases mate value in the mating market, as the new partner views these children as a cost rather than a benefit. This is more pronounced for women as they often have greater custody and invest more in children.

11. Overperception and Underperception Biases

    • Male sexual overperception bias: Men tend to "over-infer sexual interest" from women (e.g., a smile or casual touch), perceiving friendliness as sexual attraction. This is an adaptive bias from an evolutionary perspective, as missing mating opportunities was costly.
    • Female sexual underperception bias: Women tend to underperceive men's actual sexual interest, partly because men often disguise their sexual interest by feigning long-term intentions.
    • These biases lead to significant sexual conflict, as men approach uninterested women, who then struggle to reject them without causing resentment or career damage.

12. Self-Deception

    • The hypothesis, notably from Robert Trivers, suggests that successful deception is facilitated by self-deception. If a person genuinely believes their own exaggerations (e.g., about their mate value), they are more convincing to others. Self-confidence can be a heuristic for others to assume one "has the goods".

13. Unconventional Relationships (Polyamory)

    • While not extensively studied by Dr. Buss, polyamorous relationships represent an attempt to navigate and potentially "overcome" certain evolved features of human mating psychology.
    • Sex differences in motivation (on average): Men are often motivated by the evolved desire for sexual variety, while women might agree to polyamory as a mate retention tactic to keep a partner.
    • Evolved emotions like jealousy can still arise, even if sexual activity with others is permitted; emotional connections can be a stronger trigger for jealousy than purely sexual ones, especially for women.

Action Points

1. Seek Face-to-Face Interaction Early in Dating:

   • Given the prevalence of online deception (exaggerated profiles, Photoshopped images), it's crucial to meet a potential partner in person quickly to get a more accurate assessment, as olfactory and auditory cues are vital for women's mate selection.

2. Assess Emotional Stability Through Stressors:

   • To evaluate critical long-term qualities like emotional stability, engage in activities that reveal how a person copes with stress. For example, taking a trip together to an unfamiliar environment can provide insights into their behaviour under unpredictable conditions, which is more revealing than a casual coffee date.

3. Correct for Sexual Overperception and Underperception Biases:

   • For men: Understand that a woman's friendliness (e.g., a smile, a casual touch) is often not a signal of sexual interest. Consciously correct for the sexual overperception bias to avoid unwanted approaches and conflict.
   • For women: Be aware that men may be under-perceiving your lack of sexual interest, partly because men are often taught to mask their sexual intentions with cues of long-term interest.
   • Deep knowledge of evolved sexual psychology is key for both sexes to minimise sexual conflict.

4. Be Wary of Dark Triad Traits:

   • Recognise the characteristics of narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. Be cautious of individuals who exhibit these, especially if they also pursue a short-term mating strategy, as they are strongly linked to deception, harassment, and coercion.
   • Observe how individuals treat others (e.g., animals, children, waiters) as an indicator of empathy.

5. Understand Mate Value Dynamics and Potential Exploitation:

   • Be aware that mate value discrepancies can trigger jealousy and manipulative behaviours (e.g., denigrating a partner's appearance or cutting off their social ties) as attempts to retain a partner. This is especially relevant in contexts of intimate partner violence.

6. Address Mating Anxiety:

   • For those experiencing anxiety around approaching potential mates, cognitive behavioural desensitisation (e.g., intentionally engaging in low-stakes approaches and experiencing rejection) can help reduce the fear of rejection and improve mating confidence.

7. Do Not Dismiss Sex Differences:

   • Dr. Buss argues that "sex difference denialism" actually harms women by making society ignorant to the causal processes underlying sexual violence. Recognising and understanding these fundamental, evolved sex differences is crucial for developing effective strategies to prevent harm and conflict.

8. Distinguish "Toxic Masculinity" Precisely:

   • While there are "toxic elements" to masculinity (e.g., Dark Triad traits), it's important to apply the term precisely to these harmful aspects rather than painting all masculinity with a broad brush. Acknowledge and value noble aspects of masculinity like sacrifice, protection, and provision.

9. Protect Social Support Networks:

   • Women's defences against abusive male behaviour include "bodyguards" – strong social allies (fathers, brothers, mothers, sisters, friends). Abusive men often try to cut these ties to isolate their partners, making it essential to maintain and strengthen these relationships.

The Benefits of Sauna - Dr Rhonda Patrick

Learning Points

1. Broad Spectrum of Benefits

   • Sauna use is associated with a lower risk of death from cardiovascular disease, sudden cardiac death, coronary heart disease, stroke, dementia, and Alzheimer's disease.
   • There is also a 40% lower risk of dying from all causes of death for frequent users.
   • Sauna use contributes to improving "health span," which means extending the youthful part of life and improving the quality of life by preventing or delaying diseases like Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, cancer, cardiovascular disease, and type 2 diabetes.

2. Dose-Dependent Effects

   • The health benefits of sauna bathing are dose-dependent, meaning more frequent use leads to more robust effects.
   • For example, using the sauna 4 to 7 times a week significantly reduces the risk of sudden cardiac death (63% lower) compared to once a week (22% lower for 2-3 times/week).
   • Similarly, 4-7 times a week is associated with a 60-66% reduction in dementia and Alzheimer's risk compared to once a week.

3. Sauna as a Mimic of Moderate Aerobic Exercise

   • Sauna use essentially mimics moderate aerobic cardiovascular exercise, producing many of the same physiological responses.
   • These include elevated heart rate (to around 120 beats per minute), elevated core body temperature, sweating, increased blood flow to the skin and muscles, and a subsequent lowering of blood pressure and resting heart rate.
   • This "proof of principle" suggests that sauna is beneficial for cardiovascular health for similar reasons to exercise.

4. Cardiovascular Health Benefits

   • Frequent sauna use (4-7 times/week) can lower stroke risk by about 40%.
   • It also significantly reduces the risk of hypertension in a dose-dependent manner (24% lower for 2-3 times/week; 46% lower for 4-7 times/week).
   • Even a single sauna session can lower both systolic and diastolic blood pressure.

5. Endurance and Fitness Improvement

   • Sauna use may improve endurance exercise and overall fitness, as observed in studies with runners and people training in sauna suits.
   • Heat acclimation, where the body adapts to heat stress by sweating at a lower core body temperature, helps improve tolerance to heat during other activities like running.

6. Brain Health and Neurodegenerative Disease Protection

   • Observational studies show a significant association between frequent sauna use and a lower risk of Alzheimer's disease and dementia.
   • Mechanisms for brain protection include:
     • Improved cardiovascular health leading to increased blood flow to the brain.
     • Activation of heat shock proteins (HSPs), which help maintain the proper three-dimensional structure of proteins inside cells, preventing disorganization, aggregation, and plaque formation (e.g., amyloid-beta plaques associated with Alzheimer's disease). HSPs remain elevated for about 48 hours after a session.
     • Potential increase in Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF), a growth factor that protects existing neurons, may help grow new neurons in adults, and plays a role in neuroplasticity (the brain's ability to rewire itself and cope with changing environments), which is important for preventing depression.

7. Mental Health and Mood Improvement

   • Sauna use can reduce stress and anxiety.
   • It leads to the release of endorphins (feel-good opioids) and dynorphin (associated with dysphoric feelings). The production of dynorphin, by binding to kappa opioid receptors, can sensitize mu opioid receptors (where endorphins bind), potentially making one more sensitive to endorphin release from everyday activities later on.
   • Studies have shown that a single sauna session (elevating core body temperature by 1-2 degrees) can have an antidepressant effect lasting up to six weeks in depressed patients.
   • Sauna use is associated with lower biomarkers of inflammation (e.g., C-reactive protein) and increases anti-inflammatory cytokines (like IL-10 and potentially IL-6), which may play a role in its antidepressant effects.

8. Cellular Repair Mechanisms and Hormesis

   • Sauna stress activates beneficial cellular response pathways, a concept known as hormesis.
   • These pathways include:
     • Heat shock proteins (HSPs): Essential for protein folding and preventing aggregation.
     • Nrf2: A major regulator of antioxidant, detoxification, and anti-inflammatory genes.
     • Autophagy: The cellular cleaning process that removes damaged components.
     • Pathways involved in making new stem cells and repairing DNA damage.

9. Muscle Preservation

   • Sauna use has been shown in human and animal studies to prevent muscle atrophy from disuse, possibly through the activation of heat shock protein 72. This has implications for sarcopenia and maintaining muscle mass, especially for those unable to exercise.

10. Detoxification

    • Sauna use can help excrete heavy metals (e.g., cadmium, aluminum) and other compounds like phthalates and BPA through sweat, particularly those predominantly eliminated via sweat.

11. Heart Rate Variability (HRV) Improvement

    • Sauna use increases heart rate variability, a marker of how well the heart can handle stress, by increasing parasympathetic activity and lowering sympathetic activity, similar to exercise.

12. Synergy with Exercise

    • While exercise is "king" for overall health, combining exercise with sauna use leads to better cardiorespiratory fitness than either alone.
    • Sauna can also be a valuable tool for individuals who cannot perform physical activity to improve cardiovascular and brain health.

13. Cultural Context and Types of Saunas

    • Sauna use is deeply ingrained in cultures like Finland (where nearly everyone has one), Russian banyas, and Native American sweat lodges.
    • Traditional saunas use a heater to warm ambient air (up to ~200°F), often with hot rocks and humidity (10-20%). Most research comes from studies using traditional Finnish saunas.
    • Infrared saunas use thermal radiation to heat the body directly, reaching lower temperatures (~140°F). There is less scientific evidence for infrared saunas compared to traditional ones, but some Japanese "waon therapy" protocols using infrared have shown cardiovascular benefits.

Action Points

1. Temperature and Duration

   • Based on Finnish studies, aim for approximately 174°F (around 80°C).
   • Duration is crucial: stay in the sauna for greater than 19 minutes (around 20 minutes) per session to achieve robust cardiovascular benefits. Shorter durations (e.g., 11 minutes) show significantly less benefit.
   • For activating heat shock proteins, 163°F for 30 minutes showed a 50% increase over baseline.
   • Dr. Patrick's personal protocol involves 186°F for 20-30 minutes, often immediately after a high-intensity workout, with 10-20% humidity. She is highly heat-adapted, so beginners should start slower.

2. Frequency

   • The sweet spot for robust benefits is 4 to 7 times a week. Dr. Patrick aims for around 4 times a week.

3. Humidity

   • Many beneficial studies incorporated 10-20% humidity (achieved by pouring water over hot rocks).

4. Listen to Your Body and Build Tolerance

   • If new to saunas, it will be hard to stay in a hot sauna for more than five minutes.
   • Gradually build heat tolerance. Get out when your heart rate gets very fast and you feel "really, really uncomfortable". Don't just get out at the "slightest bit of uncomfortableness".
   • Use a timer outside the sauna to track duration and prevent accidentally falling asleep, especially if prone to it. If you might fall asleep, ensure someone is with you.

5. Hydration

   • It's important to stay well-hydrated before and after sauna use, as significant sweat and electrolyte (especially sodium, magnesium, potassium) loss occurs.
   • Consider electrolyte supplements or green juices.

6. Hot Baths/Jacuzzis as Alternatives

   • Hot baths (around 104°F, submerged shoulders down for 20 minutes) and jacuzzis appear to offer similar benefits to saunas, including elevating heat shock proteins, BDNF, and effects on depression and cardiovascular health, although more empirical evidence is needed.
   • Hot showers are unlikely to provide the same intense heat and benefits as a hot bath or sauna.

7. Safety and Contraindications

   • Consult a physician before using a sauna, especially if you have existing health conditions.
   • Never consume alcohol in or before going into a sauna, as it can be very dangerous and even deadly.
   • Elderly individuals prone to very low blood pressure should exercise caution.
   • Individuals with recent heart attack, unstable angina pectoris, or severe aortic stenosis should avoid saunas. Those with stable cardiac disease should still consult their doctor.
   • Children: Young children do not have the same thermal regulation mechanisms as adults; anything more than five minutes can be dangerous. Specific cultural guidelines exist for very short exposures in older children.
   • Pregnant women: Avoid sauna use as it can lead to fetal abnormalities, similar to hot tubs. Dr. Patrick personally avoided it during her pregnancy.

8. Continuous Glucose Monitors (CGM)

   • Temporary, transient glucose level rises may be observed during sauna use on a CGM, possibly due to fluid loss through sweating increasing the concentration of sugar in the blood. This is typically not a concern as long-term sauna use is associated with improved fasting glucose and insulin sensitivity.

9. Combine with Other Healthy Practices

   • Sauna use is another important lifestyle factor, alongside exercise, good sleep, a healthy diet, and meditation, that can improve overall health and health span.
   • Consider using the sauna to be efficient: meditate, listen to podcasts, or engage in creative thinking while in the sauna.

Huberman Lab podcasts related to sleep - Dr Andrew Huberman

Sleep is absolutely critical to our health, far more than many realise. Here are a great set of podcasts to help understand sleep in more detail and figure out how to improve sleep:

Dr Matthew Walker on "The Science and Practise of Perfecting Your Sleep"

Dr Andrew Huberman on "Sleep Toolkit: Tools For Optimizing Sleep & Sleep-Wake Timing"

Learning Points

1. Definition and Importance of Sleep

   • Sleep is likely the single most effective thing you can do to reset your brain and body health.
   • It's an incredibly complex physiological process, fundamentally divided into two main types: non-rapid eye movement (non-REM) sleep and rapid eye movement (REM) sleep.

2. The Sleep Cycle and its Stages

   • Upon falling asleep, you progress through light non-REM stages (1 and 2), then descend into deeper non-REM sleep (stages 3 and 4).
   • During deep non-REM, your heart rate significantly drops, and hundreds of thousands of cortical cells fire and go silent together in a unique physiological coordination.
   • Sleep occurs in approximately 90-minute cycles for most adults.
   • The first half of the night is dominated by deep non-REM sleep (stages 3 and 4).
   • The second half of the night sees a shift to more light non-REM sleep (stage 2) and increasingly more REM sleep.

3. Specific Functions of Sleep Stages

   • Deep Non-REM Sleep: Crucial for natural blood pressure regulation, insulin regulation, and metabolic health.
   • REM Sleep: Essential for growth hormone release, peak testosterone levels, various cognitive functions (including learning and memory), and critical for emotional and mental health, described as "overnight therapy". There is an intimate association between emotional/mental health and sleep, with no major psychiatric disorder found where sleep is normal.
   • Sleep Paralysis in REM: During REM, the brain completely paralyzes the voluntary muscles of the body (except for extraocular muscles for eye movement and inner ear muscles) to allow for safe dreaming.

4. The Criticality of Sleep Quality and Quantity

   • Both quantity and quality of sleep are equally important for beneficial next-day outcomes. You cannot be unimpaired with only 4 hours of brilliant quality sleep, nor with 8 hours of very poor quality sleep.
   • Occasional brief awakenings, particularly at the end of a 90-minute REM cycle, are perfectly natural, especially with age. However, frequent or prolonged (over 20-25 minutes) awakenings leading to fragmented sleep are detrimental.

5. Environmental Factors and Sleep

   • Light Exposure: Exposure to bright light (ideally sunlight) early in the day helps convey the time of day to the brain and body and supports wakefulness. Conversely, reducing light later in the day helps prepare for sleep. Studies showed workers exposed to natural daylight had significantly increased sleep time (over 30 minutes) and sleep efficiency (5-10%).
   • Temperature: Your 24-hour circadian cycle is influenced by temperature changes; light exposure should align with rising temperatures in the morning and decreasing temperatures in the evening.

6. Impact of Substances on Sleep

   • Caffeine: Has a half-life of 5-6 hours and a quarter-life of 10-12 hours. It blocks adenosine, masking natural tiredness. When caffeine wears off, you experience a "tsunami wave" of accumulated adenosine, leading to a crash. Even if you fall asleep, caffeine can reduce the depth of your deep sleep by up to 30%, which is equivalent to aging yourself by 10-12 years. This can lead to a dependency cycle where you need more caffeine to wake up.
   • Alcohol: Classified as a sedative, not a sleep aid. It causes you to lose consciousness quicker but doesn't induce naturalistic sleep. Alcohol fragments sleep (causing many conscious and unconscious awakenings) and is potent at blocking REM sleep. The brain then tries to "rebound" by increasing REM sleep later, leading to intense, bizarre dreams, but it never fully recovers the lost REM.
   • Marijuana (THC): Can speed up the time it takes to fall asleep, but the brainwave signature is not ideal, making it "non-natural". Like alcohol, THC blocks REM sleep, leading to a REM sleep debt and intense dreams when usage stops.

7. Melatonin and its Role

   • Melatonin is a hormone produced by the pineal gland that signals to the brain and body whether it's day or night, and thus when to think about sleep.
   • It acts as a "starting official" for sleep, calling the brain and body to the line, but does not participate in the race itself; it doesn't help with the generation or overall structure of sleep.
   • For healthy adults who are not older, melatonin supplementation is generally not particularly helpful as a sleep aid, only increasing total sleep by an average of 3.9 minutes and sleep efficiency by 2.2%.
   • Typical over-the-counter doses (1-20mg) are supra-physiological, often 10 to 20 times higher than what the body naturally produces. Optimal doses, where benefits are seen in specific populations, are between 0.1 and 0.3mg.
   • Older adults (60-65+), especially those with insomnia, are the main population who may benefit from melatonin, due to age-related calcification of the pineal gland affecting natural melatonin release.

8. Naps: Benefits and Risks

   • Naps can offer significant benefits for cardiovascular health, blood pressure, cortisol levels, learning, memory, and emotional regulation. NASA studies in the 1990s showed 26-minute naps improved mission performance by 34% and daytime alertness by 50%.
   • However, naps also have a "dark side": they reduce sleep pressure. For people who struggle with sleep at night (insomnia), napping during the day can make their nocturnal sleep problems even worse.

9. Societal Stigma Around Sleep

   • Society has often stigmatized sleep as "slothful" or "lazy," leading people to feel embarrassed about needing sleep or taking naps. It should be viewed as a fundamental human and civil right.

10. Approach to Sleep Improvement

    • A hierarchical approach is recommended: behavioral tools first, then nutrition, then supplementation, then prescription drugs.
    • Prescription sleep aids are short-term solutions for some forms of insomnia but are not recommended long-term, as they can lead to rebound insomnia.
    • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) is a non-drug, psychological approach that is as effective as sleeping pills, and even more effective in the long term, with benefits lasting almost a decade.

Action Points

1. Optimise Light Exposure

   • Aim for at least 30 to 40 minutes of natural daylight exposure early in the day. This helps set your circadian rhythm.
   • Reduce light exposure in your eyes later in the day and in the evening.

2. Manage Caffeine Intake

   • Halt caffeine intake 8 to 10 hours before your typical bedtime. This helps prevent caffeine from disrupting the depth of your deep sleep.

3. Avoid Alcohol and THC for Sleep

   • Recognise that alcohol and THC cause sedation, not natural sleep. Avoid using them as "nightcaps" or sleep aids, as they fragment sleep and block crucial REM sleep.

4. Use Naps Wisely

   • If you do not struggle with sleep at night, naps are beneficial.
   • To avoid grogginess upon waking, limit naps to about 20-25 minutes, which prevents you from descending into the deepest stages of sleep.
   • If you choose to have a longer nap (e.g., 90 minutes for a full sleep cycle), be aware it might impact night sleep.
   • Avoid napping late in the afternoon (e.g., 6-7 hours before your usual bedtime).
   • If you have insomnia, typically avoid napping altogether, as it can worsen nighttime sleep problems.

5. Prioritise and Protect Your Sleep

   • No one should feel guilty or unproud about getting the sleep they need; it's a fundamental human right.

6. Implement "Unconventional" Sleep Tips for a Bad Night

   • "Do Nothing" Strategy: If you have a bad night's sleep, do not sleep in later, do not nap, do not consume extra caffeine, and do not go to bed earlier. Maintain your normal wake-up and bedtime to rebuild sleep pressure and prevent further disruption.
   • Establish a Wind-Down Routine: Treat sleep like "landing a plane" by gradually descending. Engage in a routine 1-2 hours before bed that includes activities like light stretching, meditation, or reading. Avoid watching television in bed due to light exposure and activating content.
   • Use a "Worry Journal": One or two hours before bed, write down all your concerns. This acts like "closing emotional tabs" in your brain, helping to clear your mind and reduce the time it takes to fall asleep by as much as 50%.
   • Remove Clocks from the Bedroom: Eliminate all visible clock faces, including your phone, from your bedroom. Knowing the time during nighttime awakenings can increase anxiety and worsen the situation.

7. Consider CBT-I for Insomnia

   • If struggling with long-term insomnia, explore Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) as a highly effective, non-drug-based approach.

How to Build a Happy Life - How To Identify What You Enjoy Podcast

How To: Identify What You Enjoy: Learning Points

1. Defining Happiness Beyond a Feeling:

   • Happiness is not merely a feeling but is described as a "banquet" with three essential "macronutrients": enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose.
   • Truly happy people have these three elements in abundance and balance.
   • Happiness is a byproduct of living a meaningful life, not a goal in itself, which can lead to disaster if pursued directly.

2. Enjoyment – Pleasure Plus Elevation (and Connection):

   • Enjoyment is defined as pleasure plus elevation, where learning about the sources of pleasure transforms it into authentic enjoyment.
   • Lori Gottlieb adds "connection" as a crucial ingredient, noting that while solitary enjoyments exist, human connection is paramount for happiness.
   • Longitudinal studies show that the happiest older adults are those who established the most human connections in their youth, becoming "good at love".
   • A key question for happiness is "How can I love and be loved?", including loving oneself.
   • Anhedonia, the inability to experience pleasure, is a characteristic of clinical depression.
   • Many adults don't know how to have fun, seeing it as frivolous or optional rather than essential.

3. Satisfaction – Fleeting Yet Necessary:

   • Satisfaction is the reward for meeting a goal or a job well done, providing a "burst of joy".
   • The challenge with satisfaction is that it cannot be kept; it's like a "colander instead of a bowl," seeping away quickly due to neurobiology like the "hedonic treadmill".
   • People addicted to success often chase satisfaction endlessly without finding lasting contentment.
   • "Satisficers" (people who are content with "good enough") tend to be happier than "maximisers" (those always seeking the "best"), who often regret choices or are never truly content.
   • Enduring satisfaction comes from wanting what you have, rather than always trying to have what you want.

4. Purpose/Meaning – Found in Both Good and Bad:

   • Meaning and purpose are often discovered in the most painful parts of life, not just the pleasurable ones (e.g., divorce, loss, bankruptcy).
   • Feelings are neutral and act as a compass, telling us what we want and what needs to change in our lives. Numbing feelings isn't nothingness; it's being overwhelmed, manifesting as other issues (e.g., overeating, anger, lack of focus).
   • Suffering can be sacred and integral to being "fully alive"; it's part of life's fabric. You don't need to seek suffering; it will find you.
   • There's a distinction between pain (inevitable) and suffering (often self-created); we can create our own suffering by dwelling on negative comparisons or past events.
   • Meaning doesn't have to be a grand, epic thing; it's found in the "dailiness" of small moments of connection and positive experiences (e.g., a child's interaction, a student's eyes lighting up, a chat with a barista).
   • Grief is a natural process of moving forward, not "moving on." Loss stays with you, but its flavour changes over time, and happiness will eventually return. Grief is a sign of love.
   • The happiest older people have experienced much suffering and recovered, allowing themselves to be sad and fully engaging in life, rather than protecting themselves from pain.
   • Co-workers and shared experiences in the same space contribute significantly to moments of connection and enjoyment.

How To: Identify What You Enjoy: Action Points

1. Prioritise Enjoyment:

   • Recognise that "fun is essential," not frivolous or optional. Make it a priority.
   • Schedule time for fun – literally put it on your calendar.
   • Identify how you have fun: Many adults have forgotten. Reflect on past enjoyable activities.
   • Keep a 24-hour (or 48-hour) diary to track how you spend your time. This helps identify wasted time (e.g., mindless scrolling that dampens mood) that could be used for joyful activities.
   • "Follow your envy": Use feelings of envy as a clue to understand your desires and what might bring you joy.
   • Distinguish between your inherent desires and societal "shoulds": Don't conflate what others want for you with what you genuinely want.

2. Cultivate Satisfaction:

   • Strive to be a "satisficer": Be content with what meets your criteria rather than endlessly searching for something marginally "better".
   • Practice "wants management": Reduce the number of things you desire to increase your satisfaction with what you already have.
   • Value what you have: Actively appreciate the good things in your life instead of taking them for granted.

3. Embrace Purpose and Meaning:

• Welcome and embrace all your feelings: Understand that feelings (including sadness, anxiety, anger) are messages or a "compass" that guide you toward what needs to change or what is important.
• Don't numb your feelings: Numbness prevents you from experiencing the full spectrum of life, including joy.
• Accept inevitable pain: Recognise that pain is a part of being human. Focus on addressing inevitable pain rather than creating unnecessary suffering for yourself (e.g., by dwelling on negative comparisons).
• Engage in life fully and take risks: Don't protect yourself from potential pain so much that you miss out on living and experiencing great joy.
• Look for small moments of meaning and connection: These everyday interactions and experiences contribute significantly to overall happiness and purpose. Keep a diary of positive moments to notice them.
• Allow yourself to grieve when experiencing loss: Understand that happiness will return, even if it feels impossible in the moment. Move forward through grief, knowing it changes over time.

Here are the key learning and action points from "Best of 'How To': Spend Time on What You Value" from The Atlantic's YouTube channel:

Spend Time on What You Value: Learning Points

1. The "Would" vs. "Should" Dilemma with Time

   • Many people struggle with how they would naturally use their time versus how they should use it to align with their values. For instance, one co-host admitted they would use an extra hour to work more, despite knowing they should use it to build love and connection.
   • This disconnect highlights the struggle, especially since the start of the pandemic, which altered our relationship with time, leading to either too much unstructured time or feeling too crunched.

2. The Impact of Unstructured Time: Strivers vs. Fritterers

   • When the "exoskeleton" of a traditional workday is removed (e.g., during the pandemic), people tend to fall into two groups: strivers and fritterers.
   • Strivers allow their work to sprawl across their entire schedule, often driven by external validation (the world "pats you on the back").
   • Fritterers get less done, fall behind, and often engage in "doom scrolling," wasting time.
   • Many of us are caught in a vicious cycle where we expect to control our time wisely, but often don't know how to use it effectively at all.

3. Time Poverty and Time Traps

   • Time poverty is described as a modern epidemic where people have too much to do and not enough time, negatively affecting relationships, physical health, and personal goals.
   • A significant "time trap" is busyness as a status symbol, particularly prevalent in the United States. Having a full calendar is often seen as a sign of importance and value, leading people to feel like failures if they have any spare time.
   • This cultural perspective contrasts with countries like Spain, where vacation plans are a common icebreaker, suggesting a different philosophy of valuing time over money or constant work.
   • The most time-poor individuals often include those struggling to make ends meet (e.g., single parents, those with less reliable transport or childcare), highlighting systemic issues beyond individual choices.

4. The Loss of Leisure as a Habit

   • Many people, especially those who've filled their lives with work, have lost the habit of leisure and don't know how to genuinely enjoy free time. Productivity can become a default mode of operating.
   • Philosophically, Aristotle distinguished between work, recreation, and leisure; leisure is "in and of itself something worth pursuing" and, as Josef Pieper suggested, "the basis of culture". Recreation, by contrast, is merely a break to get ready for more work.
   • We tend to prioritize measurable outcomes, making it easier to track work productivity than the abstract concept of "free time" or "leisure".

5. The Importance of Intrinsic Motivation and an Evolving "Ideal Self"

   • Enjoyment of leisure is maximised when activities are intrinsically motivating – done because you genuinely want to, not for external reasons like productivity or status.
   • It's crucial to re-evaluate and change your "ideal self" over time. Holding onto an outdated ideal (e.g., working constantly, travelling frequently) can harm well-being and relationships, whereas aligning your time use with a new, more balanced ideal (e.g., impactful work, family time, self-investment) leads to greater satisfaction.
   • Older individuals tend to get better with time management, value time over money, and are happier, partly due to increased financial security and a natural gravitation towards more meaningful pursuits. We also tend to undervalue future time, planning as if we'll be less busy later.

6. Humans Are "Homo Prospectus"

   • Humans are not naturally wired to "do nothing"; our brains are constantly engaged in planning and thinking about the future, a state dubbed "homo prospectus". This makes activities like meditation challenging.

Spend Time on What You Value: Action Points

1. Prioritise and Schedule Happiness

   • Recognise that happiness is "serious business," not a "nice to have," and needs to be scheduled.
   • Literally put time for personal well-being, relationships, and leisure into your calendar every day.

2. Set Clear Boundaries for Work

   • Establish non-negotiable rules for your time, such as not working on weekends or dedicating the first hour of your day to personal investment (e.g., reading, meditating, walking, exercising).
   • Be selective about commitments by being "more careful about what I say yes and no to".
   • Consider a "quota strategy," focusing deeply on one project at a time rather than juggling many simultaneously.

3. Know Your Values and Adjust Your Ideal Self

   • Engage in self-awareness and reflection to genuinely understand what you value, rather than just what society or others expect.
   • Re-evaluate your "ideal self" and consciously change it to reflect what truly brings you well-being and satisfaction, then strive to align your daily time use with this new ideal. Minimising the discrepancy between actual and ideal time use is vital for life satisfaction.

4. Cultivate Leisure as a Habit

   • Start small when building leisure habits, focusing on achievable increments like 10, 15, or 30 minutes.
   • Set concrete, specific goals for leisure activities. Instead of "more free time," specify "one hour of exercise" or "30 minutes of social connection".
   • Avoid over-scheduling or being too rigid with leisure, as this can make it feel like work and reduce enjoyment and psychological benefits. Allow for flexibility.
   • Focus on intrinsically motivating activities; do things because you genuinely enjoy them, not for external reasons like productivity or to impress others.

5. Practice Time Audits and Gratitude

   • Conduct a daily time audit: At the end of each day, reflect on your activities and how they made you feel to identify what truly brings positive mood and enjoyment.
   • Practice gratitude: Take time to reflect on things you're grateful for; this increases self-awareness about what brings you joy and satisfaction.
   • Create space for reflection: Break the cycle of constant work and decompression (e.g., drinking) to allow for moments of pause and thought about what truly brings joy.

6. Manage Attention and Comparisons

   • Guard your attentional resources by comparing your progress and satisfaction to your past self rather than to others' successes.
   • Recognise that you don't need a full extra hour; even 10-minute pockets of time can be utilised for activities you desire.

What Alcohol Does To Your Body, Brain & Health Podcast - Dr Andrew Huberman

Sometimes ignorance is better than the devil you know. I wish I hadn't listened to Dr Andrew Huberman's talk on the impact of alcohol, even for average alcohol consumption. Unfortunately I can't undo it now, for anyone else interested...

Learning Points

1. Alcohol's Toxic Nature and Widespread Effects:

   • Alcohol (ethyl alcohol/ethanol) is a known toxin that is both water- and fat-soluble, allowing it to easily pass into all cells and tissues of the body, including the brain.
   • It is metabolised in the liver into acetaldehyde, a more potent poison that indiscriminately damages and kills cells.
   • The calories from alcohol are "empty" as the metabolic process is costly and provides no nutritive value (vitamins, amino acids, fatty acids).
   • Being drunk is essentially a poison-induced disruption of neural circuits.

2. Brain Health and Neurodegeneration:

   • High alcohol consumption (12-24 or more drinks per week) causes neurodegeneration, particularly in the neocortex.
   • Even low to moderate alcohol consumption (e.g., 1-2 drinks per day or 7-14 drinks per week on average) is associated with thinning of the neocortex and other brain regions (loss of neurons).
   • Alcohol suppresses the prefrontal cortex, which is involved in thinking, planning, and inhibiting impulsive behaviour, leading to increased impulsivity and reduced forethought.
   • It significantly suppresses neural networks involved in memory formation and storage, which explains why blackouts occur even when a person is awake and active.

3. Changes in Brain Circuits and Behaviour:

   • Regular drinking (even once or twice a week) can physically change neural circuits that control habitual and impulsive behaviour, making individuals more impulsive and habitual even when not drinking. This involves a growth of synapses in these circuits. These changes are reversible with 2-6 months of abstinence for most people, though long-term heavy use can lead to lasting impacts.

4. Mood, Stress, and Hormonal Systems:

   • Alcohol initially causes a short-lived spike in dopamine and serotonin, leading to feelings of well-being, but this is followed by a long and slow reduction in these neurotransmitters, leading to diminished mood and motivation.
   • Regular drinking, even at low to moderate levels, causes changes in the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, resulting in increased baseline cortisol levels and heightened feelings of stress and anxiety when not drinking.
   • Alcohol increases the conversion of testosterone to estrogen (aromatisation) in both men and women, which can contribute to estrogen-related cancers in women (e.g., breast cancer) and effects like gynecomastia, diminished sex drive, and increased fat storage in men.

5. Gut-Liver-Brain Axis and Inflammation:

   • Alcohol severely disrupts the gut microbiome by killing healthy bacteria.
   • Alcohol metabolism in the liver is proinflammatory, releasing inflammatory cytokines.
   • This combination leads to leaky gut, allowing bad bacteria to enter the bloodstream. These effects converge in the brain, disrupting circuits that control alcohol intake and increasing the desire to drink more.

6. Cancer Risk:

   • Alcohol significantly increases cancer risk by altering DNA methylation and gene expression.
   • There is a 4-13% increase in breast cancer risk for every 10 grams of alcohol consumed, which is roughly one standard drink in the US per day. This risk has been documented since the late 1980s.
   • Alcohol both increases tumor growth and reduces the immune system's ability to combat cancer.

7. Genetic Predisposition and Age of Onset:

   • Individuals who, after a few drinks, become more alert, talkative, and energetic (rather than sedated) are often those with a genetic predisposition to alcoholism or are chronic drinkers, indicating a higher risk.
   • Starting drinking at younger ages (e.g., 13-15 or younger) significantly increases the risk of developing alcohol dependence/Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD), even without a family history of alcoholism. Conversely, delaying onset until legal drinking age (e.g., 21 in the US) substantially lowers this risk.

8. Hangovers:

   • Hangovers are a multifaceted phenomenon involving disrupted sleep, dehydration/electrolyte imbalance, increased stress hormones (hangxiety), disruption of the gut microbiome, and the presence of congeners (compounds in drinks that give flavour and contribute to hangover, unrelated to sugar content).
   • Drinks with higher congener content (e.g., brandy, red wine, rum, whiskey) tend to cause worse hangovers than those with fewer (e.g., beer, vodka, gin, ethanol diluted in orange juice).

9. No Health Benefits from Alcohol:

   • The best amount of alcohol for overall health is zero consumption.
   • The idea that resveratrol in red wine provides health benefits sufficient to justify drinking is not supported by science, as the amount needed would be outweighed by alcohol's negative effects.
   • There is no evidence that alcohol consumption, even in small amounts, is beneficial for cellular resilience through hormesis.

10. Pregnancy and Foetal Alcohol Syndrome:

    • Pregnant individuals should absolutely not consume alcohol. Fetal alcohol syndrome leads to permanent diminished brain, limb, and organ development.
    • There is no evidence that any specific type of alcohol is safer for a developing foetus. Alcohol is a mutagen that disrupts precise embryonic development.

Action Points

1. Informed Decision-Making: Make informed decisions about alcohol consumption (zero, low-to-moderate, or excessive) based on the comprehensive understanding of its effects.
2. Minimise Brain Degeneration: Be aware that even low to moderate drinking can lead to brain changes. If you drink, consider ways to offset negative effects, or reduce intake/abstain.
3. Slow Absorption: If you choose to drink, consume a meal (especially one with carbohydrates, fats, and proteins) before or during drinking to slow alcohol absorption into the bloodstream.
4. Recognise Risk Factors for Alcoholism:
   • If you find that alcohol increases your energy and alertness for long periods, or if you've experienced blackout episodes, be very cautious as this may indicate a predisposition to alcoholism.
   • Delay alcohol consumption until at least the legal drinking age (e.g., 21 in the US) to significantly reduce the risk of developing Alcohol Use Disorder, even if you have a genetic predisposition.
   • If you notice requiring more drinks to achieve desired effects, you are likely disrupting your brain's dopamine and serotonin systems. Abstinence can help reset these systems.
5. Support Gut Health:
   • Consume two to four servings of low-sugar fermented foods daily (e.g., kimchi, sauerkraut, natto, low-sugar kefir/yogurt) to reduce inflammation and improve gut microbiome health. This can help repair the gut-liver-brain axis and mitigate some negative effects of alcohol. Probiotic or prebiotic supplements may also be considered.
6. Manage Stress and Anxiety:
   • Be aware that reducing or stopping alcohol consumption may initially lead to increased anxiety and stress due to changes in the HPA axis. Utilise stress modulation tools (behavioural, nutritional, supplementation, exercise-based) to manage these feelings.
7. Hangover Management (Safely):
   • Hydrate adequately: Drink at least two glasses of water for every alcoholic drink, and consider water with electrolytes, especially before bed and upon waking after drinking.
   • Do NOT consume more alcohol to relieve a hangover; it only delays a worse one.
   • Avoid non-steroid anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) like aspirin or Advil for hangover headaches, as they can further burden the liver and gut, which are already stressed by alcohol.
   • Consider deliberate cold exposure (e.g., cold showers/ice baths) ONLY when sober to potentially accelerate alcohol clearance and boost dopamine/adrenaline, helping with hangover recovery. NEVER do this while inebriated due to the severe risk of hypothermia and drowning.
   • If you drink, choose types of alcohol with fewer congeners (e.g., beer, vodka, gin) to potentially reduce hangover severity.
8. Reduce Cancer Risk:
   • Be aware of the increased cancer risk, especially breast cancer, associated with alcohol consumption.
   • Consuming adequate folate and other B vitamins (especially B12) might partially offset some of this increased cancer risk, but will not eliminate it.
9. Complete Abstinence During Pregnancy: Absolutely no alcohol consumption during pregnancy is recommended to prevent Foetal Alcohol Syndrome.