Criticisms that hurt - Chis Williamson

It’s common wisdom to say “the only criticisms that hurt are the ones that are true.”

I don’t think that’s right.

The criticisms that hurt most are the ones that you know aren’t true, but that other people might believe.

The only thing worse than having your reputation damaged for something shameful you did is having it damaged for something shameful you didn’t do.

That’s wrongful conviction.

You have to carry the weight of the accusation alongside the indignation of being innocent. You’re not just hurt. You’re trapped.

The Disease of More: Why You Feel Unhappy, Lost, Addicted & Stressed - Dr Rangan Chatterjee with Joshua Fields Milburn

The Disease of More and Consumerism

• Consumerism is the ideology that acquiring more material goods will lead to happiness, a belief that falsely suggests joy is embedded in external objects rather than pre-existing within us.
• Society suffers from a disease of more, where the constant desire for better jobs, cars, and promotions drives individuals to overwork, leading to stress and physical illness.
• Many people attempt to fill an internal void with relationships, substances, or material possessions, but this consumption fails to satisfy the emptiness and often results in significant debt.
• Modern culture obsessively tracks countables such as square footage, bank balances, and social media followers, often ignoring the unmeasurables like joy, contentment, and grief that truly shape a meaningful life.
• The concept of the 'pursuit of happiness' can be problematic, as it frames happiness as a distant endpoint to be chased rather than a state of being.

Identity Clutter and Social Signalling

Discipline, motivation and obsession - Chis Williamson

Discipline, motivation and obsession are three words that get thrown around a lot.

I think most people misunderstand all three, and because of that they miss some very big lessons about how life actually works.

Here’s the simplest way to separate them:

Discipline is “I will make myself do the thing.”

Motivation is “I want to do the thing.”

Obsession is “I can’t not do the thing.”

All three produce the same outcome - the thing gets done.

But the internal cost could not be more different, and the difference is friction.

Discipline is friction accepted.

You don’t want to do the thing, but you do it anyway. You lean on effort, willpower, routines, environment design, past patterns and habits to drag yourself over the line.

It’s mostly under your control, which is why it’s so reliable. If you are willing to pay the price, discipline will always show up.

The problem is that the price is high.

Discipline is expensive. It burns energy. It creates resistance. It feels heavy. It works, but it’s a grind.

Optimizing Workspace for Productivity, Focus & Creativity - Dr Andrew Huberman

Optimizing Light for Neurochemical States

To maximize focus and productivity, one should tailor lighting to the brain's changing neurochemical states throughout the day.

• Phase 1 (0 to 8–9 hours after waking): Flood the workspace with bright light, including overhead and desk lights, to stimulate alertness through dopamine and epinephrine release.
• During this early phase, facing a window or using bright LED pads helps wake up the brain's alertness systems.
• Phase 2 (9 to 16 hours after waking): Dim the environment and switch to warmer yellow or red hues to support serotonin production, which favours creative and abstract thinking.
• Eliminating overhead lighting in the afternoon helps transition the brain from analytic focus to a more relaxed, creative state.
• Phase 3 (17 to 24 hours after waking): Keep lighting very dim to preserve melatonin levels and circadian rhythm, unless one deliberately intends to stay awake for a deadline.

Leveraging Visual Mechanics for Alertness

Why do women get PMS? - Chris Williamson

Evolutionary biologist Michael Gillings offers a provocative suggestion: The condition nudged ancestral women to ditch infertile partners.

For most of our evolutionary history, women were pregnant or breastfeeding most of the time, and thus regular menstrual cycles were rare… except among women paired with men who couldn’t get them pregnant.

If premenstrual irritability increased the chances of such pairings dissolving, women could move on to more fertile partners, boosting their odds of passing on their genes.

Supporting evidence for the theory includes the fact that anger during PMS is often directed at one’s partner.

If Gillings is right, then PMS isn’t a biological accident but an evolved mechanism now mismatched with the modern world - a world in which even fertile couples often choose to postpone having children or forgo it altogether. — Steve Stewart-Williams

https://chriswillx.com/blog/

The issue with calling masculinity "toxic" - Big Think with Richard Reeves

The Problem with Defining Masculinity as "Non-Toxic"

• Low Aspirational Standards: Framing masculinity merely as "non-toxic" is problematic because it sets a very low bar for behaviour; telling boys to simply "not be poisonous" fails to offer a genuinely inspiring vision for their future.
• Overlap with Femininity: When people attempt to define "non-toxic" masculinity by citing traits such as vulnerability, caring, and nurturing, they are often describing positive femininity rather than something distinctly masculine.
• The False Choice: Because "non-toxic" definitions often mirror feminine traits, boys and young men feel trapped in a dilemma where they must choose between being "toxic" or effectively being "female".

Risk-Taking as a Distinct Masculine Trait

• Higher Risk Appetite: One specific way to articulate positive masculinity is to look at risk; on average, men demonstrate a higher willingness to take risks compared to women.
• A Double-Edged Sword: This high risk appetite is neither inherently good nor bad; it is beneficial when it drives men to save lives or innovate in business, but detrimental when it leads to reckless behaviour like gambling or substance abuse.
• The Necessity of Balance: Society should not view the male approach to risk as superior or inferior to the female approach; rather, we need both the masculine drive for risk and the feminine tendency toward caution to function effectively.

20 Sentences to Stop Overthinking by Nir Eyal - Chris Williamson

1. I don't need certainty to act.
2. If it's reversible, I decide fast.
3. I choose one next step, not ten.
4. I don't solve feelings; I surf them.
5. My thoughts are not instructions.
6. Action creates clarity, not thought.
7. I write it down so my brain can rest.
8. I'm allowed to move with partial info.
9. I give myself a deadline, then choose.
10. I ask, "What's the next visible action?"
11. I schedule thinking so that I don't spiral.
12. I trade rumination for one small experiment.
13. I let future-me correct, not present-me freeze.
14. I'm aiming for progress, not the perfect plan.
15. I ask, "What would this look like if it were easy?"
16. I accept that some questions stay open while I move.
17. I notice loops and ask, Is this helping or just hindering?"
18. I'm the kind of person who stops rehearsing and starts doing.
19. If it won't matter in 5 years, it doesn't get this much brainspace.
20. I'd rather be roughly right in motion than stuck "perfecting" ideas.

https://chriswillx.com/blog/

The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More - Steven Bartlett with Jefferson Fisher

The Five Pillars of Masterful Communication

• Authenticity: Presence is considered the highest form of authenticity, requiring one to be genuinely interested in the person they are engaging with.
• Reduce Distractions: Eliminating distractions, such as mobile phones, is essential to maintain a tight connection in conversation, as illustrated by the analogy of a taut string between two people.
• Stop Over-explaining: Instead of being a waterfall of words, one should be a well; over-explaining often signals insecurity or a lack of belief in one's own message.
• Navigate Sadness: When dealing with someone's grief, avoid giving them the chore of asking for help by saying "let me know if you need anything"; instead, take proactive action and validate their feelings,.
• Handle Difficult Personalities: A master communicator must know how to handle narcissists, gaslighters, and those who use insults or dismissive behavior.

Strategies for Handling Narcissists and Gaslighters

23 Lessons from 2025 - Chris Williamson

Advice Hyperresponders

Personal development advice often fails because it finds the path of least resistance, being absorbed by those who need it least while being ignored by those who need it most.

People filter guidance through their existing traits, meaning advice often amplifies a predisposition rather than correcting an imbalance.

Common examples of this phenomenon include:

• The advice to "work harder" is devoured by insecure overachievers who are already burning out, while lazy individuals ignore it.
• The instruction to "not be pushy" makes conscientious men more timid, while those who steamroll boundaries remain unchanged.
• The call to "take more responsibility" encourages self-blamers to carry even more weight, while those who externalize blame remain unaffected.

The solution is to move from discovery to discernment, recognizing when advice is seductive simply because it confirms existing fears or biases,.

Vulnerability as True Strength

The Parental Attribution Error - Chris Williamson

We love blaming our parents, it’s practically a rite of passage in modern psychology.

But there’s a double standard buried in the trend: we attribute what’s broken in us to our upbringing, while claiming what’s strong as ours alone.

This is the Parental Attribution Error.

Like the Fundamental Attribution Error (where we blame others’ actions on their character but excuse our own by pointing to circumstance), this is a skewed way of assigning credit and blame.

We externalise the bad, internalise the good.

You’re quick to blame, slow to credit.

You say you’re anxiously attached because no one held you when you needed it. But isn’t your ability to be alone with your emotions and to endure discomfort quietly also forged in that same crucible?