Resilience Solved - Mark Manson

The Nature and Trainability of Resilience

Resilience is a highly developed skill, not an inherent or fixed trait; it is trainable. It is often misunderstood, as it is not about being emotionless, suppressing painful feelings, or being impervious to challenges. Instead, it involves feeling the pain deeply but being able to act in one's best interest despite those feelings, thereby dictating actions through, rather than being hijacked by, negative thoughts and feelings. In the field of psychology, resilience is defined as the capacity to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, or significant stress, involving a dynamic process of successful adaptation rather than merely "bouncing back". Often, when resilient people successfully navigate challenges, they not only return to baseline but they improve, gaining strength and adaptability for future challenges, a concept referred to as anti-fragility. Furthermore, research indicates that recovery from extremely difficult or traumatic events is more common than often perceived, with estimates suggesting 75% to 85% of people eventually recover. The original Latin verb for resilience, *resoli*, literally means "to leap backwards," and the term was historically used in engineering to describe substances that would return to their original form after stress, before entering psychological literature in the 1960s.

Biological and Physiological Foundations

The Performative Male Epidemic - Chris Williamson with Louise Perry & Mary Harrington

The Sexual Recession and Digital Distractions

The United States is experiencing a sexual recession, with only 37% of American adults having sex weekly, a decline from 55% in 1990. This reduction is occurring across the board, agnostic to relationship status, affecting both married and unpartnered people. This trend exists despite apparent permissiveness towards casual sex. One potential explanation is that fewer people are in long-term partnerships, which typically involve more frequent sexual activity, meaning Gen Z might be having casual sex, but very little of it (e.g., one hookup per year). Possible contributors to this decline, even among married couples, include obesity, xenoestrogens, or, more practically, excessive phone usage. Smartphone use is highly absorbing and is considered at least as plausible as "exotic biological explanations" for reduced sexual activity. The decline in fertility across the world also tracks with smartphone usage, fueling the theory that people are so preoccupied by the "joys of limbic capitalism" delivered via their phones that they "forget to behave like normal human beings and reproduce".

Shame Solved - Mark Manson

The Evolutionary Origin and Fundamental Nature of Shame

Shame is deeply ingrained in human nature, serving as a fundamental survival mechanism evolved during prehistoric tribal life. In that context, living up to social norms and expectations was a matter of life or death, as ostracisation meant starvation, freezing, disease, or attack by predators. The feeling of shame is an internal radar designed to detect violations of social norms, loss of social status, and avoid social rejection. This mechanism explains why people are highly sensitive and anxious about how others perceive them.

Shame is often considered the ultimate topic that everyone needs to address, yet it is simultaneously the last topic people want to confront because of the intense discomfort it causes. It is a core aspect of self-improvement and a primary reason individuals seek therapy, attend self-help conferences, or join groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). The paradox of shame is that the more one attempts to hide it, the greater power it gains over them.

A crucial distinction is made between shame and guilt: guilt implies "I did something wrong" (focused on action), while shame implies "I am something wrong" (focused on identity). Furthermore, there is a difference between healthy shame, which acts as a moral compass guiding one back to their values and motivating corrective behavior, and toxic shame, which is internalized as a belief that "I am a bad person," leading to withdrawal and paralysis.

Psychological Consequences and Behavioral Responses

Comparing Yourself to Others Solved - Mark Manson

The Unavoidable Nature and Psychological Purpose of Comparison

Social comparison is an incredibly pervasive and common phenomenon, described as a universal topic that never stops. The core problem is not how to stop comparing yourself to others, but rather how to change the nature of that comparison and manage it better. Comparison is constantly relative, meaning that satisfaction often depends on who is around you; for instance, making $70,000 a year feels great unless your best friend makes $90,000. Although comparison causes suffering, it quietly serves a hidden psychological purpose. However, chronically experiencing negative social comparison is linked to stress disorders, higher stress hormones, inflammation, depression, and anxiety. There is no evidence that reaching a certain level of wisdom, success, or enlightenment will make an individual stop comparing themselves to others. True wisdom, exemplified by figures like the Dalai Lama, lies in being aware of the comparison and choosing not to identify with it, recognizing it as transitory. Isolating oneself is not a solution, as cutting off social contact merely replaces the problem of insecurity with the problem of loneliness and isolation. The comparison never stops, and there is no end to it.

Evolutionary Roots and Emotional Regulation

Friendship Solved - Mark Manson

The Contemporary Crisis of Friendship

Friendship is considered a crucial topic that is often discussed least, especially compared to romantic relationships, physical health, and career development. Social life fundamentally drives mental, physical, and emotional well-being. The sources highlight that the number of people without a close friend has quadrupled in the last 30 years. Furthermore, the amount of time the average person spends alone has grown by 25%, and time spent socializing has dropped by 60% in the last 20 years. An all-time high of 20% of adults report feeling lonely on a daily basis. There is also a cultural issue where a certain amount of shame is attached to needing help making friends, causing people to self-judge and remain silent about their isolation. Friendship is maybe the highest leverage part of your life for overall well-being. Chronic loneliness and social isolation can be as detrimental to health as smoking 15 to 20 cigarettes a day.

The Evolutionary Basis of Connection

My workout routine

I have a 3 way split:

• Day 1: Legs and lower back
• Day 2: Arms
• Day 3: Chest and upper back
• Day 4: Repeat day 1
• Day 5: Repeat day 2
• Day 6: Repeat day 3

I often start a workout with a deadhang and cobra poses to lossen the lower back and some dynamic stretching for the whole body. I end 50% of workouts with some foam-rolling and a few sets of abs and calves.

My supplement stack

Supplement	Instructions
Creatine Monohydrate	10g scoop with morning drink.
Inessa Multi Vitamin and Mineral	1 tablet with a meal.
Inessa Omega 3 or Nordic Supplements Omega 3	Inessa 2 capsules (2400mg) with a meal or Nordic Supplements 3 capsules.
Inessa Magnesium	2 capsules (306mg) with a meal.
Additional D3 and K2	2 tablets with a meal
Electrolytes (Potassium, Magnesium, Calcium)	3 tablets with 1L of water during sauna.

Notes:

• A 10g dose of creatine helps with cognitive abilities in addition to increasing gains from strength training, with the first 5g used by the muscles and additional creatine going to the brain.
• A diet low in omega 3s can be the equivalent of smoking regularly, so don't forget your omega 3s.
• Multi-vitamin and mineral tablets do not have enough magnesium (nor potassium and calcium, as these are macro-nutrients and it is impossible to fit the amounts required into a single tablet or capsule). It's better to get magnesium in the form of glycinate and threonate.
• Higher doses of vitamin D3 have positive health effects, but it should be balanced with vitamin K2.
• Some minerals should only be taken if you are deficient in them as excess can contribute to chronic health problems, e.g. iron and copper.
• As some of the vitamins are fat-soluble, they should be taken with a meal to ensure they are absorbed and not just excreted. I take them with my brunch.

The Best Deep House Music Mix

If you like Deep House music, hopefully you'll like this mix.

What Embryo Selection Means for Humanity - Chris Williamson with Dr Jonathan Anomaly

The Nature of Embryo Selection and Public Perception

• Embryo selection technology is still new, leading to some justifiable skepticism from the public and doctors.
• It is often confused with gene editing (adding new genes or editing existing ones), which is not what embryo selection involves.
• The practice involves revealing more information about the natural genetic variation that already exists within a batch of embryos, allowing prospective parents undergoing IVF to choose which one to implant.
• Existing IVF procedures already involve doctors "eyeballing" embryos and using a morphological score to select the one that looks the most normally shaped and healthiest, though the correlation between morphology and viability is not huge.

Taboos, Morality, and the Disease vs. Trait Divide

The science of randomness, flukes, and fate - Big Think with Brian Klaas

Control, Influence, and the Limits of Agency

There is a distinction between control and influence, which challenges the widely held belief that individuals are in charge of their destiny:

• It is untrue that we are completely in control of our path through life. The core argument is that we control nothing but we influence everything.
• When people accept that they have profound influence but very limited control, they start to see the world and behave differently, accepting the limits of what they can and cannot do.
• Western modernity has an obsession with the delusion of individualism, which is comforting because it suggests people are driving change and their lives will unfold the way they want them to.

The Mistake of Believing "Everything Happens for a Reason"

Is Having a Boyfriend Cringe Now? - Chris Williamson with Rob Henderson

Rob Henderson holds a PhD in psychology from the University of Cambridge and is a Senior Fellow at the Manhattan Institute. Chris Williamson and Rob Henderson dissect the recent cultural trend, inspired by a Vogue article, asking if "having a boyfriend is cringe now", analyzing this trend through the lenses of evolutionary psychology, intra-sexual competition, and social status dynamics. The Vogue article is also referenced in The Economist, discussing the rise of "singlehood".

Proximate vs. Ultimate Explanations of Relationship Avoidance

The conversation distinguishes between the stated reasons (proximate) for discouraging relationships and the underlying evolutionary motives (ultimate):

• The Proximate (Stated) Reasons: High-status women and influencers who discourage relationships often articulate reasons such as not wanting to seem boastful, showing solidarity with single women, and acknowledging the difficulty of the current dating market. This behavior often appears driven by an "influencer first perspective," where their standing with other women, particularly online, is the most important currency.
• The Ultimate (Hidden) Motives: This phenomenon is analyzed as a form of intra-sexual competition and reproductive suppression, which occurs when women with power and status indirectly suppress the ability of other women to find partners and reproduce, a concept dubbed "girl boss gatekeeping". The aim is to reduce competition for the scarce resource of desirable male partners.

Why Democracy Is Mathematically Impossible - Veritasium

The Mathematical Impossibility of Rational Democracy

Democracy is mathematically impossible and the methods currently used to elect leaders are fundamentally irrational. Specifically, if there are three or more candidates to choose from, there is no ranked-choice method to rationally aggregate voter preferences without requiring concessions. The ultimate conclusion of Arrow’s Impossibility Theorem is that democracy is doomed if ranked-choice methods are utilized. Despite these flaws, democracy remains "the best thing we've got," as it is the "worst form of government except for all the other forms that have been tried".

Flaws of First Past the Post Voting

The Life-Changing Skill of Emotional Regulation - Chris Williamson with Dr Marc Brackett

The Need for Emotion Education and Vocabulary

Only about one in five adults can name more than three emotions they feel regularly, indicating a widespread lack of emotion education. Emotion education involves building emotion skills from preschool through the workplace. The foundational principle is that people must "name it to tame it" or "label it to regulate it". If individuals do not truly know how they feel and why, it is impossible to support them in managing their emotions.

A key skill is distinguishing between similar emotions, which helps determine the appropriate action. For example:

• Anger is typically associated with perceived injustice, while disappointment relates to unmet expectations.
• Anxiety concerns uncertainty about the future. Stress is having too many demands with insufficient resources. Pressure involves a significant stake dependent upon one's action or behavior.
• Envy is wanting what another person possesses, whereas jealousy is fearing that someone else getting something will take it away from you.

Emotional Intelligence and the RULER Model

Emotional intelligence is defined as using your feelings wisely to achieve your goals; it is goal-oriented and functional. The RULER model outlines five key skills for developing emotional intelligence:

Improve Your Lymphatic System for Overall Health & Appearance - Dr Andrew Huberman

Importance and Overview of the Lymphatic System

The lymphatic system is absolutely essential for immediate and long-term health and requires support. Despite its crucial role, the lymphatic system does not receive as much attention as the cardiovascular system, brain and nervous system, or even the gut microbiome.

Structure, Function, and Drainage

The lymphatic system functions as a necessary "third system" because the blood circulatory system is not perfect. After the arterial system delivers oxygenated blood, nutrients, and water to the tissues, and the venous system collects deoxygenated blood and some waste, about 3 to 4 litres of excess fluid and cellular waste products remain in the interstitial (extracellular) space.

• Function: The lymphatic system is responsible for taking this remaining fluid ("lymph") and "gunk" (proteins, ammonia, carbon dioxide, cellular waste) and bringing it back to the blood supply.

Give me 15 Minutes and I'll Make you Dangerously Confident - Leila Hormozi

Confidence as an Output, Not an Input

A crucial insight is that confidence is the output, not the input. Most people mistakenly believe they need to feel ready or confident first (the input) to take action. However, the reality is that confidence stems entirely from action. Trying to build confidence through affirmations (such as writing "I am confident" on a mirror) is ineffective because confidence requires work, not wishing. The true input that leads to the output of confidence is keeping the promises you make to yourself, especially when you do not feel like doing it. Confidence is about doing things scared, not waiting to feel ready. Success and confidence do not discriminate; they rely solely on the fact that you put in the work.

The Power of Evidence and Tracking

How to Stop Having Shallow Conversations - Charisma on Command

The Philosophy of Listening and Presence

• When engaging in conversation, the listener's job is to follow, not lead, allowing people to guide the conversation where they want it to go.
• Most individuals have never had someone genuinely listen to them for more than ten minutes.
• The subtle power supporting all deep connection techniques is presence. Presence means allowing your attention to rest solely with the other person, dropping your own agenda, and following their lead with gentle curiosity.
• The challenge offered is to give someone 10 minutes of fully attentive listening, which can result in a shockingly deep connection in a short time.
• A common temptation in conversation is to focus on proving one's worth, being funny or helpful, or worrying about how one is coming across, rather than inviting the other person to share themselves.

Techniques for Deepening Conversation

No.1 Toxicologist: These Products Were Making Me Infertile And Are Harming Our Kids - The Diary of a CEO with Dr Yvonne Burkart

Dr. Burkart, a toxicologist, shares insights regarding the hidden risks of toxins found in everyday products, drawing on her professional research and personal experience.

Toxins, Systemic Failure, and Awareness

• The overarching warning communicated by Dr. Burkart is: "Don't believe everything you see on a container, a bottle or a product that you're buying", and instead, focus on reading the ingredients.
• Manufacturers in Europe and the US are not required by law to disclose certain ingredients. This lack of transparency means consumers are often unaware of what they are exposed to. Chemicals and products are not required to be tested for safety before they are released onto the market, effectively making people "guinea pigs in a massive human experiment that no one signed up for".
• In contrast, the European system is described as better, requiring chemical manufacturers to provide data and fund laboratory studies upfront to prove a chemical is safe for people, animals, and the environment.
• The mission of Dr. Burkart is to empower people to avoid environmental toxins by using science and evidence to make informed health decisions.

Health Risks and Associated Conditions

• Toxins are linked to increased rates of cancer, obesity, and infertility.
• Specific associated illnesses include cancer and infertility, with chronic low-dose exposures over a lifetime linked to various chronic diseases.
• The global sperm count has declined by 50% in the last 50 years, which is considered alarming.
• Toxins can cause children to have cognitive delays and behavioral issues. Exposure to endocrine disruptors in children is linked to increased risks of childhood leukemia, cognitive deficits, and skyrocketing obesity rates.
• Some chemicals have been known to worsen behavioral conditions like ADHD and autism.
• Children exposed to toxins are experiencing earlier puberty (e.g., earlier breast development and menstrual cycles), which shifts the biological window, leading to earlier menopause and subsequent risks like bone fractures.
• Cancer incidence, specifically breast cancer, is rising and the window is shifting earlier, affecting people in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. The environment plays a massive role in cancer risk, even when a person has a genetic predisposition.

Why You Can’t Sleep and How to Fix It - Dr Rhonda Patrick with Dr Michael Grandner

The Nature and Treatment of Chronic Insomnia

• Insomnia complaints are shockingly common, affecting about one out of three people in the US.
• Clinical Insomnia Disorder is defined as persistent difficulty initiating or maintaining sleep, or waking too early, occurring at least three nights per week for at least three months, and causing daytime impairment. A key indicator is taking at least 30 minutes to fall asleep or being awake for at least 30 minutes during the night.
• The primary cause of chronic insomnia is conditioned arousal. This occurs when the brain associates the act of trying to sleep with stress and activation, leading to a self-perpetuating cycle where stress about not sleeping prevents sleep.
• The fundamental principle regarding sleep is that the enemy of sleep is effort. Sleep happens to you when the situation allows, and trying harder will make the process slower.
• Effective insomnia treatment, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBTI), aims to reprogram the conditioned arousal cycle. CBTI is recommended as the first line of treatment by medical organizations and is effective even when other major medical conditions (like chronic pain or untreated sleep apnea) are present.

How to (Mostly) Never Run Out of Things To Say - Jamie Social

The Conversation Paradox: Overactive Filtering

The core problem is not having too few things to say, but having too many thoughts filtered out by the brain. Your brain constantly generates potential responses, but these are often rejected by an overactive filter based on worries like, "that's too random" or "they won't care about that". This filter is what causes the mind to go blank, especially when there is pressure to be interesting.

The Stop Overthinking Principle (The 3-Second Rule)

Overthinking kills conversations; the effort to say the perfect thing results in saying nothing. The principle involves intentionally saying what comes to mind within 3 seconds, thereby bypassing the self-editing, second-guessing system. Implementing this increases potential topics because even thoughts that initially seem boring or random often lead to excellent, authentic, and unexpected conversational paths.

Curiosity as the Conversation Superpower

The most powerful tool for maintaining conversation is genuine curiosity, not cleverness. People who are skilled conversationalists are the most interested people. When curiosity is genuine, conversation anxiety evaporates because the focus shifts from one's own performance to the other person's experience. Leading with curiosity allows you to ask deeper, interest-based questions, such as inquiring about the most challenging part of their job or how they got started in an industry, rather than just moving on quickly.

Mastering the Follow-Up Question

How To Never Get Angry Or Bothered By Anyone - Jamie Social

The 90-Second Rule: The Biology of Anger

Anger, driven by stress chemicals, naturally flushes from your neurological system in exactly 90 seconds. If anger persists beyond this time, it is because you are actively choosing to feed it by replaying the situation or rehearsing a comeback; once the 90 seconds are over, you reach a choice point where you decide whether to let the chemicals flush or continue the narrative.

The Button Pusher Myth and Unhealed Wounds

The myth that other people have magical powers to "push your buttons" is false; nobody can push buttons you haven't given them. These "buttons" are actually unhealed wounds or values violations from your past. When a person triggers you, they are revealing where you still need healing, allowing you to stop being a "remote control" and become the operator of your own emotional state.

The Secondary Emotion Revelation

What is typically called anger is often not the primary emotion, but rather a secondary emotion that acts as a security guard to protect more vulnerable feelings, such as hurt, fear, or shame. A real shift happens when you address the underlying hurt (e.g., "I felt forgotten") instead of expressing the safer emotion of anger, as vulnerability heals while anger creates distance.

The Choice Point Discovery

Captivate A Room Even If You're Shy - The Diary of a CEO with Vinh Giang

Speaking with confidence isn’t a gift, it’s a skill. Vinh Giang reveals the blueprint to mastering the art of communication in this combination of a Spotify clip and two YouTube videos.

The Voice as an Instrument and Negotiating Reality

• Communication ability is the essential skill needed to negotiate whatever reality one desires.
• Individuals should view their voice as an instrument to be played, rather than just a tool to be used. Depending on how this instrument is played, it changes and shifts how others feel.
• Most people neglect their "vocal image," whereas they spend significant time on their visual image. When a person speaks, the assumptions others form based on visual image are transformed into definitive beliefs.
• Improving communication skills can profoundly change the trajectory of one's life by making those who feel "invisible" visible.
• Success requires proficiency in both technical skills and great communication skills (Showmanship); brilliant ideas often go unnoticed if the founder lacks the communication ability to do them justice. The world often perceives individuals based on their communication skills rather than solely their technical ability.
• It is the speaker's responsibility to learn how to shine their light brightly and communicate their value clearly, as the audience is not responsible for seeing the brilliance within them.

The Five Core Vocal Foundations

The most important thing is to keep the most important thing the most important thing - Stephen Covey.

"The most important thing is to keep the most important thing(s) the most important thing." - Modified from Stephen Covey's quote "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing."

Living by this principle is the difference between a life of frantic activity and a life of meaningful accomplishment. We often know what’s truly important, but we allow it to be crowded out by everything else.

The Urgent vs. The Important: The Daily Battle for Your Attention

Our lives are filled with a constant stream of demands that feel urgent: the ping of an email, a breaking news alert, a last-minute request from a colleague. These things scream for our immediate attention. The truly important things, however, rarely do.

• Urgent tasks are reactive. They pressure you.
• Important tasks are proactive. They progress you towards your long-term goals and align with your deepest values—things like building strong relationships, strategic thinking for your career, or maintaining your physical and mental health.

You must consciously and deliberately choose the important over the merely urgent, having the discipline to ignore the noise to focus on the signal.

Dopamine is not about the pursuit of happiness; it is about the happiness of pursuit. - Robert Sapolsky

"Dopamine is not about the pursuit of happiness; it is about the happiness of pursuit." - Robert Sapolsky

Dopamine is the molecule of motivation. It’s the driving force that makes us strive, explore, and learn. It's not the prize at the end of the race; it's the energy that makes us want to run the race in the first place. Understanding this distinction is the key to unlocking consistent motivation and finding genuine fulfilment in your life.

The Neurological Glitch: "Wanting" vs. "Liking"

Your brain has two separate systems for desire and enjoyment.

• The "Wanting" system is driven by dopamine. It fires up when you anticipate a potential reward. It's the thrill of the chase, the excitement of a new project, the craving for the pizza you just ordered. It’s all about the future.
• The "Liking" system is driven by other chemicals (like opioids). This is the actual sensation of pleasure you feel when you get the reward—the first bite of pizza, the moment you cross the finish line.

Here’s the crucial insight: The dopamine release is often far more potent and lasting during the anticipation phase than during the brief moment of reward. This is why you can work for months towards a goal, and upon achieving it, feel a strange sense of emptiness and think, "Is that it?" Your brain was already enjoying its main reward: the journey itself.

There are no solutions. There are only trade-offs. - Thomas Sowell

"There are no solutions. There are only trade-offs." - Thomas Sowell

The myth of the perfect "solution", a choice that has only upsides and no downsides, is a trap. It keeps us searching for something that doesn't exist. Embracing the reality of trade-offs is the first step toward making clear, confident, and effective decisions.

Escaping the Paralysis of the "Perfect" Choice

How often do we get stuck, unable to make a decision because we're terrified of making the "wrong" one? We analyse every option, hoping to find the one magical path that will solve all our problems without creating new ones. This is the "solution" mindset, and it often leads to inaction.

The "trade-off" mindset frees you. It accepts that every choice has a cost. Every 'yes' to one thing is a 'no' to something else.

• Saying 'yes' to a demanding, high-paying job is often a 'no' to free time and spontaneity.
• Saying 'yes' to moving to a new city for an adventure is a 'no' to the comfort and proximity of old friends.
• Saying 'yes' to rigorous fitness goals is a 'no' to sleeping in and unstructured evenings.

The goal isn't to find a path with no downsides, but to consciously choose the path whose downsides you are most willing to accept in exchange for the benefits you truly desire.

Your perception creates your reality

Your Brain's Filter System

Think of your perception as a filter or a lens through which you view the world. This filter is built from your core beliefs, past experiences, values, and fears. Two people can experience the exact same event—a job loss, for example—and have wildly different realities.

• Person A's Perception: "This is a disaster. I've failed. I'll never find another job." Their reality becomes one of fear, anxiety, and inaction. They see only closed doors.
• Person B's Perception: "This is a painful setback, but it's also an opportunity. What can I learn? Maybe this is the push I needed to change careers." Their reality becomes one of learning, resilience, and new possibilities.

The event was the same. The perception is what created the difference between a dead end and a new beginning.

The Spotlight of Your Focus

Where you place your focus is where your energy flows. Your perception directs the spotlight of your attention. If you constantly focus on what's wrong, what you lack, and what could go wrong, your world will feel negative, scarce, and frightening. This isn't just a mood; it becomes your functional reality because your brain is actively scanning for evidence to confirm this view.

Conversely, if you intentionally direct your focus toward gratitude, solutions, and your strengths, you begin to notice opportunities you were previously blind to. Your reality shifts to one of abundance, capability, and hope.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realise that prisoner was you - Lewis Smedes

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realise that prisoner was you." - Lewis Smedes

The key insight from Lewis B. Smedes's quote is that the primary beneficiary of forgiveness is not the person being forgiven, but the person who forgives.

Unforgiveness as a Self-Imposed Prison

The quote powerfully reframes the act of holding a grudge. It suggests that when you refuse to forgive someone, you are not really punishing them; you are trapping yourself. This "prison" is built from negative emotions like:

• Resentment: Constantly replaying the hurt and anger consumes your mental and emotional energy. It's like being chained to the past event.
• Anger: Chronic anger can lead to stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems. You become a prisoner to your own hostility.
• Bitterness: This corrosive emotion can poison your outlook on life and damage other relationships, isolating you from joy and connection.

In this state, you are the one carrying the heavy burden. The person who wronged you may be living their life freely, possibly unaware of or untroubled by the emotional turmoil you're experiencing. You are the one serving the sentence.

Turn Dismissiveness Around: Words that Command Respect - Jefferson Fisher

Learning Points

• The nature of dismissive comments: Comments such as "it was just a joke," "don't take it so personally," or "don't be so sensitive" are attempts to dismiss your feelings, trivialise the consequences of what was said, and control the eventual outcome of a conversation. These remarks can gradually erode self-esteem and cause frustration.
• Your right to decide the impact: You, as the recipient of a comment, are the sole individual who gets to decide what hurts you and what the consequence of a remark is; the person making the comment does not get to dictate that.
• The ineffectiveness of defensiveness: Reacting defensively—by getting upset, scoffing, or visibly bristling—will make you appear weaker and inadvertently validate the dismissive comment. This can make it seem as though you are indeed exhibiting the behaviour they are accusing you of, such as being "sensitive".
• The universality of sensitivity: It is important to understand that everyone possesses sensitivity; its expression is subjective and depends on the specific topic, context, and environment. Dismissing someone as "sensitive" is often a way for the speaker to evade responsibility for the impact of their words.

What to do When Someone Talks Over You - Jefferson Fisher

Learning Points

• The impact of being talked over: When someone talks over you, the immediate reaction is often to stop talking, leading to a feeling of defeat and the interrupter dominating the conversation.
• Ineffective responses to interruption: Trying to yell, gain more attention, or use sarcastic remarks (e.g., "Excuse me, am I interrupting you?") are the wrong approaches. Such actions make you appear desperate, put you in a weaker position, and look like you're grasping for control, which never works. Raising your voice to out-talk an interrupter only escalates the situation into a shouting match where no one genuinely listens or learns. This behaviour is merely a power grab for attention.
• The power of maintaining composure: Continuing to talk with an even, controlled volume and pace, despite being interrupted, demonstrates that you are planted and grounded. This highlights a discrepancy where you appear controlled, while the interrupter appears to be grasping for attention, making them look weak.
• The magnetic effect of one's own name: People have a natural affinity for the sound of their own name. Using someone's name is a powerful tool to snap their attention and create a window for you to re-enter or take control of the conversation.
• Unconscious behaviour and establishing patterns: Sometimes, individuals may not realise they are talking over others. However, allowing this behaviour to continue unchallenged establishes a pattern where your opinion is perceived as less important than theirs. It's crucial to address it immediately.

You Need to Be Bored. Here's Why - Arthur Brooks

Boredom isn’t a bug—it’s a feature. Harvard professor Arthur Brooks explains why boredom unlocks creativity, activates a powerful brain network, and might even protect you from depression. Learn how the mind wanders—and why that’s a very good thing.

Understanding Boredom and its Importance

• Boredom is not merely an absence of activity; it triggers the brain's default mode network (DMN). The DMN activates when your mind is not otherwise occupied, allowing for deeper thought.
• While often perceived as uncomfortable, this DMN activation prompts reflection on existential questions, such as the meaning of life, which is described as "incredibly important, incredibly good".
• Many people actively dislike boredom, to the extent that some participants in an experiment chose to administer painful electric shocks rather than sit in silence for 15 minutes.
• Modern society has significantly reduced opportunities for boredom, primarily through the constant use of mobile devices, which effectively "shut off" the default mode network.
• The continuous avoidance of boredom creates a "doom loop of meaning," making it harder for individuals to find purpose in their lives and contributing to increased rates of depression, anxiety, and a sense of hollowness.
• Embracing boredom can lead to more interesting ideas and enhance your "skill of boredom," making you feel less bored with routine aspects of life like your job or relationships.
• Crucially, allowing for boredom helps you delve into profound life questions concerning purpose, meaning, coherence, and significance, potentially leading to greater happiness.

Missing the learning from errors of omission - Chris Williamson

Humans have an asymmetry of errors. We over-index exceptions - we use things that break the pattern we’ve come to expect as a serious learning opportunity. But we tend to only learn much faster from errors of commission (things we do), not errors of omission (things we don’t do).

• You only learn the sting of misplaced trust when someone betrays you, but when you refuse to trust and miss out on love, partnership, or help, the loss leaves no scar to remind you.
• It’s obvious when quitting for a new career turns out to be a mistake; it’s far less obvious when staying put quietly drains years of your life that you’ll never get back.

Communicate with Confidence: The Blueprint for Mastering Every Conversation - Mel Robbins with Jefferson Fisher

The YouTube video, featuring trial lawyer Jefferson Fisher and host Mel Robbins, provides actionable strategies and insights into mastering communication to improve all aspects of life, from personal relationships to professional interactions. The core message is that what you say is who you are, and the power to communicate effectively can change everything you want about your life.

1. The Foundational Power of Your Words

• Your Words Define You: For the vast majority of people, their entire personality is compressed into what others hear them say. People experience who you are almost entirely through your words and how they make them feel. You cannot be a kind person if you do not say kind things; similarly, rude behaviour is perceived through disliked words.
• Anyone Can Learn: It doesn't matter if you're shy or an introvert; anyone can learn to be a better communicator. More words do not necessarily equal better communication; often, you can say a lot with less.
• Practical and Relatable: The advice offered is practical, not hypothetical, stemming from real-world conflicts and interactions, making it highly relatable. Jefferson Fisher's tips are short, concise, and applicable to improving the next conversation.

Cognitive Biases

Cognitive biases are systematic patterns of deviation from norm or rationality in judgment. They are mental shortcuts, or heuristics, that the brain uses to simplify information processing and make decisions more quickly. While often useful, these biases can lead to distorted perceptions of reality and flawed decision-making. Here's a summary of 20 common cognitive biases and their effects on how we perceive our environment and make choices.

Biases Affecting Belief and Information Processing

These biases influence how we seek out, interpret, and recall information, often reinforcing our existing beliefs.

• Confirmation Bias: The tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information that confirms or supports one's preexisting beliefs or hypotheses. This affects our decision-making by causing us to selectively gather evidence, leading to skewed perspectives and poor choices. For instance, an investor might only seek out news that is positive about a stock they own, ignoring any negative indicators.
• Anchoring Bias: The over-reliance on the first piece of information offered when making decisions. This initial "anchor" influences subsequent judgments. In negotiations, the first price suggested often sets the stage for the rest of the discussion, and in everyday life, the initial price we see for a product can make subsequent, lower prices seem like a better deal than they actually are.
• Availability Heuristic: Overestimating the importance of information that is most readily available to us. Events that are more recent, vivid, or emotionally charged are more easily recalled and thus perceived as being more common or likely to occur. For example, after hearing several news reports about a plane crash, you might feel that air travel is more dangerous than it statistically is.

Personal Change and Social Resistance - Chris Williamson

The Lonely Chapter

“You are a different character in the mind of each person who knows you, because their impression of you is made of the bare bones of what they’ve seen, fleshed out by their knowledge of themselves.” - Gurwinder Bhogal

The Lonely Chapter has another perspective to it - as you grow, you don’t fit in with your friends, but this means that your friends don’t fit in with you either, and this causes a reaction from their side too.

The hardest part of changing yourself isn’t just improving your habits, it’s escaping the people who keep handing you your old costume.

Others don’t just remember who you were, they enforce it - which is why reinvention so often feels like trying to break out of a prison you can’t see.

Psychologists call this dynamic an Object Relation.

When people interact with you, they’re not engaging with you in your full, living complexity. They’re dealing with the version of you that exists in their head, a simplified character built from fragments of memory and coloured by their own projections.

IF Kipling Played Golf

IF Kipling Played Golf

If you can dream of breaking par,
And master that dream by not then topping it off the first tee;

If you can wait, and not be tired by waiting,
For the slow foursome playing up ahead;

Or hearing lies, not give yourself to stating,
Your partner’s six was actually an eight;

If you can meet with Birdie and Quadruple Bogey
(A 20 foot putt or a ball lost in the trees),
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can trust your read when others doubt you,
And still two-putt, as you were meant to do;

If you can watch the swing you spent all winter perfecting,
Break apart and lose its flame,
And build it back by thinking “soft hands, weight left, body rotation”;

Then yours is the Course and everything that’s in it,
And, what's more, you’ll be a True Golfer, my friend!

© Parwinder Sekhon August 2025

Dating Essentials For Men - Dr Robert Glover

For most of his life, Dr Glover, the author of the groundbreaking No More Mr Nice Guy, was what he calls a "bad dater." He assumed the women he wanted were not interested in him. He believed that women disliked sex and thought men who wanted sex were bad. When he did get a girlfriend by practicing what he calls "Nice Guy Seduction," he typically hung on way too long for fear of having to enter the dating world all over again. But this all changed when he got divorced in his mid-forties. Dr Glover decided to approach dating as if it were a scientific experiment. To his surprise, he quickly found that talking with women, getting numbers, and getting laid was nowhere as difficult as he had thought. He often wondered what planet he had landed on.

Dating Essentials for Men was born of this experiment. Dr Glover has since taught thousands of men how to interact confidently with women and find the love and sex they have been seeking.

Are you ready to let go of the games, the tricks, the seduction, the pickup, the negs, the cocky-funny routines, the buying women drinks, the volunteering to help their sister move? Do you want to learn how to create the kind of authentic attraction that naturally brings women to you? If so, Dating Essentials for Men is the only dating guide you will ever need.

How to Control Your Cortisol & Overcome Burnout - Dr Andrew Huberman

In this episode, I explain cortisol and science-based protocols for properly setting your cortisol rhythm, which can significantly increase your daytime energy, focus, mood, and stress resilience, while also improving your sleep quality. Most people mistakenly think cortisol is bad, and many assume their levels are too high, when in fact many health and performance challenges simply stem from a disrupted cortisol rhythm. Getting your cortisol rhythm right can be transformative for your health and performance. I outline behavioural, nutritional, and supplement-based strategies to raise or lower your cortisol levels at the appropriate times of day and night. I also provide specific protocols for overcoming burnout. If you’re dealing with stress, low energy, hormone or sleep challenges, or simply want to optimise these for the sake of your physical and mental health and performance, this episode offers science-backed protocols to help.

Introduction to Cortisol and Burnout

Cortisol is a powerful lever for overall health and well-being, impacting mood, sleep, the immune system, and long-term well-being. While commonly associated with stress, cortisol's primary role is to deploy and direct energy to tissues, particularly the brain, for various demands, not just stressors. It releases glucose (blood sugar) into the bloodstream from the liver and muscles to provide this energy. Cortisol is produced in the adrenal glands and operates on a slightly slower timescale than adrenaline/epinephrine. Unlike adrenaline, cortisol is lipophilic, allowing it to cross the blood-brain barrier and act on receptors in the brain, especially in the hippocampus, which is crucial for memory. Burnout is a real condition, and understanding cortisol's role is key to addressing it. The goal is to achieve a high cortisol early in the day and low cortisol before and during sleep. If this rhythm is corrected, it can resolve issues like morning anxiety, low energy, and sleep difficulties associated with burnout. There are two main patterns of burnout: being stressed in the morning and exhausted in the afternoon, or being stressed at night and exhausted in the morning.

The Cortisol Rhythm and Its Regulation

I Hate The Way We Apologize - Charisma on Command

The Problem with Apologies

Public apologies are often perceived as insincere and forced, made under pressure to protect one's career, income, and social status. These apologies frequently do not lead to genuine feelings of improvement or significant change, and are often criticised as "phony Hollywood apology videos". The video highlights instances where public figures like Will Smith, Logan Paul, Kanye West, and Kevin Spacey made apologies under pressure, only to later contradict or disown them once the pressure subsided.

This issue extends beyond public figures into private life, where "fake apologies" are given and received, leading to no growth, empathy, or repair, effectively making them as useless as no apology at all.

Shame as the Core Issue

According to Joe Hudson, the fundamental problem with most ineffective apologies is shame. He explains that children are often taught to apologize by being told to do so, which makes it a transfer of shame, akin to a "shame hot potato".

The video uses the Will Smith slapping incident as a detailed example of this "shame hot potato" cycle:

• Chris Rock's joke about Jada causes Jada to feel shame.
• Will Smith, observing Jada's reaction, fears getting the "shame hot potato" for being a perceived bad partner.
• Will then unloads this shame onto Chris Rock by slapping him.
• Subsequently, social media places the shame back on Will (and Jada).
• A year later, Chris Rock, through his comedy special, redirects the shame back at Will and Jada.

The video argues that when society deeply shames individuals, it makes it more probable that the problematic behaviour will continue, as people either avoid the situation or perpetuate the behaviour, rather than transforming it.

How To Reverse Insulin Resistance Through Diet, Exercise & Sleep - Dr Rhonda Patrick with Dr Ben Bikman

Insulin Resistance: A Common Root Cause of Chronic Disease

Dr. Ben Bikman, a professor of cell biology, advocates the view that insulin resistance is a common root cause for most chronic diseases. It is implicated in type 2 diabetes, obesity, Alzheimer's, fatty liver disease, infertility, and even breast and prostate cancers. Insulin is a powerful hormone that affects virtually every cell in the body. Rather than treating individual diseases as separate issues, Dr. Bikman suggests addressing insulin resistance as a "common soil hypothesis" to simplify the clinical approach. This perspective highlights that insulin resistance is not the sole contributor to these conditions but is an undeniable factor.

Limitations of the Glucose-Centric Medical Paradigm

Modern clinical care often operates under a "glucose-centric paradigm," focusing primarily on blood glucose levels to monitor metabolic health. However, this approach can miss the early stages of insulin resistance. Insulin resistance is characterised by elevated insulin levels, where the body works harder to keep glucose in check, often maintaining normal glucose levels initially. Because glucose remains normal, this early phase of insulin resistance often "flies under the clinical radar". Dr. Bikman argues that if insulin levels were routinely measured, the earliest signs of metabolic problems could be detected sooner, allowing for earlier intervention. Ignoring high insulin levels can also lead to treatments, such as giving insulin therapy to type 2 diabetics, which may control glucose but can paradoxically "kill them faster" due to hyperinsulinemia and worsening insulin resistance.

Detecting Insulin Resistance

Navigating bone health: early life influences & strategies for improvement & injury prevention - Peter Attia

Peter delves into the topic of bone health, explaining why it is an important issue for everyone, from children to the elderly. He begins with an overview of bone mineral density, how it’s measured, how it changes throughout life, and the variability between sexes, largely due to changes in estrogen levels. From there, he provides insights into ways to improve bone health, including exercise, nutrition supplements, and medications.

Mortality Risk and the Importance of Bone Health

• Falling, especially leading to a hip fracture, poses an enormous risk of death, particularly for older individuals. The risk of death from a fall by age 75 is substantial.
• For people aged 65 or older who fracture their hip in a fall, 25% will be dead in six months.
• A hip fracture is a devastating outcome that should be avoided at any age, but especially after the seventh decade and beyond.
• A hip fracture carries a greater mortality than smoking. The hazard ratio for all-cause mortality following a hip fracture is 2.78 (a 178% increase in risk of mortality) within one year for participants aged 60 or older, which is higher than the hazard ratio for smoking (which is probably just below 2).
• In one study, men aged 90 or above who suffered a hip fracture had a mortality rate of more than 40% within a year. For people over the age of 80, the mortality risk within a year after a hip fracture is about 33%.
• Among accidental deaths, for people younger than 60, overdoses are the predominant cause, but for people over 65, falling is the predominant cause.
• The most common fractures in people over 65 are in the proximal femur (hip fractures) and the pelvis.

Bone Biology and Definitions

How To Live Freely In A Goal-Obsessed World - Chris Williamson with Anne-Laure Le Cunff

Anne‑Laure Le Cunff is a neuroscientist, founder, and author. We live by unconscious mental scripts. Most of the time, we don’t even realize it, until we wake up and see the life we’re living isn’t what we truly want. So how do we unlearn what no longer serves us and rewire our mind to align with who we really are? Expect to learn what the problem is when people obsess over finding their purpose, how to know if you’re following your own dreams or someone else’s, the tactics you can learn to begin unlearning cultural scripts, how to get more comfortable with uncertainty, how to deal with the shame of letting go of busyness and driving toward your purpose, why posture is so overlooked in mental health, how to improve a destructive mindset, and much more…

Challenging the Obsession with Purpose and Passion

• Obsessing over finding one's purpose often leads to misery because it makes people feel that something is wrong with their life if they haven't found it yet.
• This obsession leads to constantly comparing one's life to others' lives (e.g., wondering why others seem excited about what they are doing while they themselves lack purpose or passion).
• A better approach than seeking a predetermined purpose is to experiment and explore, thinking like a scientist who starts with a hypothesis or research question (e.g., "What might happen if I tried this?") rather than a specific outcome in mind.
• Humans are generally terrible at predicting what they will like in the future, as personal preferences change significantly over time based on experiences, failures, growth, and the people one associates with. It is difficult to predict what you will enjoy, as things you hate today because they are hard might be enjoyed in the future once you have mastered them.

The Trap of Cognitive Scripts and External Validation

Feminism Debate - The Diary of a CEO with Deborah France-White, Louise Perry, and Erica Komisa

Has modern feminism betrayed the very women it promised to empower? Deborah France-White (Guilty Feminist), Louise Perry, and Erica Komisar go head-to-head on sexual freedom. Deborah Frances-White is a bestselling author and host of The Guilty Feminist podcast, Louise Perry is a journalist and author of The Case Against the Sexual Revolution, and Erica Komisar is a clinical social worker, psychoanalyst, and author of books such as, ‘Chicken Little the Sky Isn't Falling: Raising Resilient Adolescents in the New Age of Anxiety’.

The Sexual Revolution and Shifting Social Structures

• The Sexual Revolution comprised both an ideological event (questioning traditional, often Christian, ideas about sexual relationships) and profound material changes, including the introduction of the Pill, safe abortion, the decriminalization of abortion, and domestic technologies like the washing machine.
• The Pill gave the illusion that sex was consequence-free, although physical consequences (STDs, contraception failure) still exist, and emotional consequences remain, particularly for women who tend to bond more quickly.
• The primary positive outcome of the revolution was granting women agency (choice moment to moment), autonomy (deciding the shape of one's life), and emotional freedom.
• Feminism did not unite women but split them, with the second wave specifically telling women that they "should" want free sex and to go out to work and leave their children in daycare.
• Excessive freedom without structure is detrimental, causing individuals to feel untethered, unbound, and insecure, despite freedom generally being a virtue.
• The historical shift from women being community caretakers (checking on the poor and elderly) has been described as pulling a "keystone species" out of the environment, causing the community ecosystem to degrade.

Critique of Hookup Culture and Dating Dynamics

How to Make Time for Everything and Then Actually Do It - Ali Abdaal

This video, presented by Ali Abdaal, addresses the common question of how to make time for everything, utilizing a "168 hours" spreadsheet to illustrate time allocation within a week.

Part 1: Analysis of Average American Time Use

The first part of the video uses data from sources like the American Time Use Survey, Nielsen data, and research conducted by AI tools (ChatGPT, Claude) to estimate how the average American spends their 168 hours per week.

• Sleep: On average, Americans sleep approximately 8.7 hours per night, which equates to 56 hours per week. Including 30 minutes for winding down before sleep, the total time dedicated to sleep-related activities is 59.5 hours per week (about 35% of life).
• Work: An average 8-hour workday, five days a week, combined with a 30-minute lunch break, a 30-minute commute each way, 45 minutes for getting ready, and 15 minutes for changing after work, totals 52.5 hours per week (about 31.3% of life).
• Food: Eating and preparing meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner) consume an average of 12 hours per week. Grocery shopping adds another 60 minutes weekly.
• Chores: Tasks such as cleaning, laundry, and other miscellaneous chores account for roughly 6.5 hours per week, though this is noted as potentially an underestimate and varies greatly, especially with children.
• Fitness: The average American allocates about 2.5 hours per week to fitness and exercise.
• Entertainment: This category is substantial, with the average American spending 19 hours a week watching TV shows, movies, and streaming content (including YouTube). An additional 3.5 hours per week are spent on social media apps, though for 18-24 year olds, this jumps to 5.1 hours *per day*. Other entertainment like gaming (1 hour) and general entertainment (6 hours) further contribute to this total, reaching 29.5 hours per week.
• Relationships: Time for quality family and partner interactions (3 hours) and general socialising (1 hour) are also factored in.

Rethinking Mental Health: What The Science Actually Says About Depression, The Side Effects of Antidepressants & Finding Balance - Dr Rangan Chatterjee with Prof Joanna Moncrieff

Joanna Moncrieff is Professor of Critical and Social Psychiatry at University College London, a consultant psychiatrist for the NHS, and the author of the book, Chemically Imbalanced: The Making and Unmaking of the Serotonin Myth. Joanna explains how the widely accepted belief that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance or serotonin deficiency has little scientific evidence to support it and the concerning side effects of SSRIs that are typically prescribed.

Challenging the Serotonin Deficiency Theory of Depression

• The widely believed theory that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance or serotonin deficiency is not supported by evidence. It is a speculation or a theory with weak, inconsistent, and uncompelling evidence.
• The chemical imbalance theory was first constructed by psychiatrists and researchers in the 1960s to justify drug treatment for depression. However, it gained widespread popularity and became accepted as fact due to massive advertising campaigns by the pharmaceutical industry starting in the 1990s, when they began promoting their new range of SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors).
• A large project in the 1980s set up to test for differences in brain chemicals between people with and without depression came up with nothing, indicating the theory was not progressing.
• It is essential to discuss the lack of evidence because the principle upon which SSRIs are prescribed is built on sand, and these drugs have a ton of significant side effects. Many clinicians and the general public have been persuaded this theory is true.

Limited Efficacy of Antidepressants in Clinical Trials

Jordan Peterson’s Worst Debate - What Went Wrong? - Charisma on Command

Jordan Peterson has delivered some of the internet’s most iconic debate moments. But his Surrounded video doesn’t quite reach that same level. Many will dissect the substance of the debate—the semantic haze, the definitions, the back-and-forth. That’s not where I want to focus. What matters most in a debate, if your goal is to actually change someone’s mind, isn’t clever semantics, gotcha moments, or even airtight logic. It’s the emotional connection you build through rapport and charisma. That human link is what opens the door to real persuasion.

The Primacy of Rapport and Charisma in Debate

• The most important aspect of a debate, if the goal is to change the mind of the person across from you, is the connection formed through rapport and charisma, not solely sound logic or "gotchas".
• A sound argument will not move people if rapport and charisma are absent.

Choosing Amusement Over Frustration

• A key strategy for maintaining rapport is choosing amusement over frustration when someone misunderstands or misrepresents the speaker.
• When Jordan Peterson encountered twisting of his words in the Kathy Newman interview, he chose to comment that he found it "silly" and "funny," allowing him to stay calm and centered to effectively point out inconsistencies later.
• Allowing oneself to get heated or frustrated, as seen in the "surrounded" video when Jordan Peterson reacted defensively to a misuse of "the" instead of "a," hinders rapport.
• If the speaker drops the quest to be perfectly understood, they can actually play with the misunderstandings, which makes them more persuasive.
• People are more likely to open up to the perspective of someone who laughs and finds them amusing than someone who scolds them.

How To Fix Your Brain’s Addiction To Anxiety & Worry - Chris Williamson with Dr Russell Kennedy

Dr. Russell Kennedy is a neuroscientist specialising in anxiety treatment, a physician, and an author. Why is anxiety so common now? It once helped us survive, like when lions chased us. But today, we feel it even when there's no real threat. So what's going on? What does science say about this ancient emotion, and how can we manage it in the modern world? Expect to learn why anxiety is so common nowadays, the neuroscience of why we worry, the big differences between anxiety and worry, the biggest triggers of anxiety and how to manage them better, how to undo-chronic anxiety and how anxiety shows up differently for men and women, if it is it a blessing or a curse to feel things deeply, where people pleasing come from neurologically and much more…

Anxiety's Two Parts: The Fire in Your Body and the Smoke in Your Head

Chronic anxiety is not a single problem. It's a feedback loop between two distinct parts: the physical feeling of alarm in your body and the worrisome thoughts in your mind. To truly heal, you must understand their roles.

• The Fire (The Alarm): This is the root cause. It's a raw, physical sensation of distress—often felt as tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach, pressure, or nausea. This "alarm" is frequently the stored energy of unresolved emotional wounds from childhood. When you were young and felt overwhelmed, scared, or unseen, those feelings were too much to process and got locked away in your nervous system. Your body, quite literally, "keeps the score."
• The Smoke (The Worries): These are the symptom. Your brain's logic centre (the prefrontal cortex) detects the fire burning in your body and scrambles to make sense of it. It generates a constant stream of "what-ifs" and worst-case scenarios to explain the feeling of danger. Worrying becomes a childhood coping mechanism—a way to distract yourself from the deeply uncomfortable physical alarm.

This creates the "Alarm-Anxiety Cycle." The alarm in your body fuels the worries in your mind, and your mind's obsession with the worries prevents you from ever soothing the underlying alarm. You end up trying to clear the smoke while the fire rages on.

Why You Can't Just 'Think' Your Way Out of Anxiety

Chris Williamson Explains Why Finding Love Feels Harder Than Ever - The Diary of a CEO with Chris Williamson

In todays moments episode, Chris Williamson dives into why real relationships seem harder to find in today’s world - and what you can do about it. With the challenges of modern dating, and the rise of disconnection, Chris offers a hopeful perspective on how to navigate these hurdles and create deeper, more meaningful connections in your life.

The Loneliness Epidemic and Retreat from Relationships

• Loneliness is distinct from solitude, which can be enjoyed. The feeling of loneliness is often vague, like a "smell" or an innate sense that something is not right, only becoming clear when genuine connection is finally experienced.
• The single biggest predictor of health outcomes in life is the number of close connections one has, surpassing exercise and quitting smoking/drinking. People in relationships also experience better health outcomes.
• Decline in Male Friendships: The number of men reporting six or more close friends dropped from 55% in 1990 to 21% in 2020. Alarmingly, 15% of men now report having zero close friends.
• Inauthentic Connection: Playing a role (e.g., the party boy or the CEO) means that any praise or love received only applies to the projection, leaving the individual feeling "alone in a crowd and Hollow in Victory" because they were not being their true self. The cure for loneliness is to "show up as myself and to build connection on that basis".
• Social Retreat: Both men and women are retreating from the mating market, citing the pain and difficulty of the world as justification for remaining single and childless.
  • One in three men aged 18 to 30 has not had sex in the last year.
  • 50% of men aged 18 to 30 are not looking for a committed relationship, a sign of retreat and an "unbelievably extreme statement" for men to make.
  • By 2040, 45% of 25- to 45-year-old women are projected to be single and childless, and studies suggest 80% of involuntarily childless women did not intend to be mothers.

The Tall Girl Problem and Mating Market Imbalance

This Masculine Trait (Containment, Empathetic Attunement and Grounding Someone) Naturally Attracts Women - Charisma on Command

I used to think being attractive was all about confidence, teasing, and strong body language, but I was missing something deeper. In this video, I break down the 3 traits of grounded masculinity that most men overlook. These traits make women feel emotionally safe, connected, and irresistibly drawn in.

Grounded Masculinity: A Deeper Principle of Attraction

• Grounded masculinity is a deep, quiet aura that men who know how to engage with the feminine radiate effortlessly.
• It is a trait that women pick up on and respond to incredibly powerfully.
• This trait is key to attracting women almost effortlessly and is helpful in existing romantic relationships.
• A man's safety is highly sensitive to and prioritized by the feminine mode; women spend considerable energy scanning for safety (both physical and emotional), making it almost like a sixth sense that draws them to certain people and away from others.

The Three Pillars of Grounded Masculinity

Here's How to Get to the Top 1% (Discipline Isn’t Enough) - Ali Abdaal with Joe Hudson

Everyone wonders how to reach the top 1%; most people think it's all about discipline and hard work. In this video, I'm sharing the deeper success habits I've learned from Joe Hudson that go beyond typical productivity advice. These principles have transformed my life this past year, and I hope they help you too..

1. Prioritise Pace over Perfection (The Iterative Mindset)

Instead of getting bogged down in meticulous planning and waiting for everything to be perfect, highly successful individuals focus on taking action with minimal preparation (around 20%) and then iterating based on feedback. The pace of movement is considered more important than getting it absolutely right initially because it accelerates learning and allows for necessary adjustments. A common barrier to action is the fear of making public mistakes. This habit aligns with an "Ready Fire Aim" approach.

Contracts of Love & Money That Make or Break Relationships - Dr Andrew Huberman with James Sexton

My guest is James Sexton, Esq., a renowned attorney specializing in contracts related to love and money—prenuptial agreements, divorce and custody. We explore the counterintuitive fact that people with prenuptial agreements tend to stay married longer and report more satisfying relationships than those who don’t. We discuss how legal contracts can foster deeper understanding by encouraging vulnerability and honest communication about each partner’s values and expectations. We also examine what defines true, lasting love versus generic romantic ideals—and how social media can distort our understanding of what we truly need. Additionally, we review how cultural traditions, gender dynamics, courtship length, and age at the time of marriage shape marital outcomes.

Reframing the Role of Prenuptial Agreements

• Prenuptial agreements (prenups), often viewed as unromantic or pessimistic, can actually deepen emotional connection and build trust between partners.
• A prenup can serve as a way to establish a sense of safety for both people and prevent many common conflicts and misunderstandings.
• Everyone already has a prenup: it is either a contract created by the state legislature (the legal default) or one tailored to the unique needs of the couple. The two people who love each other most are the best people to write the rule set governing their relationship.
• The process of discussing a prenup is framed as an invitation to intimate discussion, where partners clarify what they owe each other, the value they bring to each other's lives, and what they need to protect and preserve.
• In James Sexton’s experience over 25 years, the vast majority of people who complete prenups stay married, which is a surprising observation. The fact that couples are capable of having the necessary hard conversations and negotiations signals they are likely to be successfully married.
• A prenup is a tool to bolster the probability of the marriage working, not just a plan for its ending.

The Economic and Contractual Reality of Marriage

Toxic Compassion and Performative Empathy - Chris Williamson

Toxic Compassion is the prioritisation of short-term emotional comfort over everything else.

Over truth, reality, actual long-term outcomes, flourishing, everything.

It optimises for looking good, rather than doing good.

This is seen in much of popular culture as the desirable, fair, empathetic thing to do.

And it’s everywhere.

The Art Of Effortless Confidence & Social Persuasion - Chris Williamson with Vanessa Van Edwards

Vanessa Van Edwards is a behavioral researcher, speaker, and author. How do you make a great first impression? How can I become more charismatic? How can I stop feeling awkward in social situations?

The Centrality of Charisma and Cues for Success

• Charisma is the single most important attribute for success in relationships, professionally, and in feeling confident and purposeful in interactions. Charisma is a skill that can be learned; it is not an innate trait.
• Highly successful people utilize a "hidden language" of cues, and controlling the cues you send is a crucial element of success.
• 82% of people's impressions are based on warmth and competence, which are the two primary components of charisma. Warmth signals trust, likeability, and friendliness, while competence signals power, reliability, and capability.
• Unintentional Cues: People unintentionally send signals through their mood, anxiety, or awkwardness that make others dislike, distrust, or dismiss them. Muting one's cues (trying to be stoic or unreadable) is a "danger zone" cue that causes people to distrust and dislike the individual.
• Charisma is contagious: people are drawn to highly charismatic individuals because they make others feel more warm and competent, acting as a positive, infectious influence.
• Cues are communicated across four channels: Verbal (words chosen), Non-Verbal/Body Language (gestures, posture, facial expressions), Vocal (tone, pace, volume, cadence), and Ornaments (jewelry, hairstyle, clothing).

Beautiful vs. Practical Advice - The Morgan Housel Podcast

I heard a phrase recently: “Magazine architect”. It’s a derisive term architects use for their colleagues who design buildings that look beautiful, grace magazine covers, and win awards, but lack functionality for the tenants. The same is true for financial professionals. If you are looking for practical advice, beware hiring an artist whose goal is to be praised.

"Beautiful" financial advice is often complex, sounds sophisticated, and may be designed to generate high fees for advisors. In contrast, "practical" advice is often simple, boring, and may not sound as exciting, but it is effective in meeting an individual's financial goals. An example of practical advice is investing in low-cost index funds.

The Danger of Advice That "Sounds Good". People are often drawn to advice that sounds good because it promises a secret or a shortcut to wealth. However, this type of advice is often the most dangerous in the long run. Avoid chasing "hot" investments and instead focus on a more measured and sensible approach.

The Importance of Personalised Advice. There is no one-size-fits-all solution in finance. Financial advice that is beneficial for one person could be detrimental to another. Because of these individual differences, there is a tendency to gravitate towards advice that sounds the most intelligent, rather than what is most practical for a specific person's situation.

Advisor Incentives vs. Client Needs. There is a potential conflict of interest where financial professionals may be more motivated by their own career advancement and compensation than by the actual needs of their clients. This can lead them to recommend "beautiful" but unsuitable financial products.

The Beauty of Simplicity. Morgan Housel, reveals that his own personal finances are simple and "boring." They are not designed to win awards but are practical and effective for his family's needs. This highlights the idea that there is a certain "beauty" in practicality and simplicity.

Focus on Timeless Principles. Rather than trying to predict future market trends, which is nearly impossible, focus on the aspects of human behavior and finance that do not change. Understanding timeless principles like greed, fear, and risk will serve investors better in the long run.

Fierce Intimacy - The Five Losing Strategies in Partner Relationships - Terry Real

For this episode, I’m doing something a bit different. I’m featuring five chapters from Terry Real's audiobook Fierce Intimacy. What you will hear in this episode will help you identify your and your partner’s losing strategies in relationships and help you move from disharmony to repair. Terry is the creator of Relational Life Therapy, or RLT, which underpins all his books, courses, and teachings and equips people with the powerful relational skills they need to make love work.

The Five Losing Strategies: Recognising the Pitfalls

According to Real, couples often unconsciously adopt these five detrimental approaches during disagreements:

1. Being Right: This strategy involves a relentless need to prove your own perspective as the objective truth, effectively turning a discussion into a courtroom drama where one partner must be vindicated and the other proven wrong.

• Key Learning: The pursuit of being "right" is a hollow victory in a relationship. It prioritizes individual ego over the well-being of the partnership. In intimate connections, subjective experiences matter more than objective facts.

• Action Point: Shift your focus from "who's right" to "what can we do to solve this together?" Practice active listening to understand your partner's perspective, even if you don't agree with it. Acknowledge the validity of their feelings.

Becoming Bulletproof - The Diary of a CEO with Evy Poumpouras

Evy Poumpouras is a former Special Agent with the U.S. Secret Service. She is the author of the bestselling book, ‘Becoming Bulletproof: Protect Yourself, Read People, Influence Situations, Live Fearlessly’ and co-host of Bravo’s TV competition series ‘Spy Games’.

The Foundation of Mental Fortitude and Personal Responsibility

• Building a strong mental foundation is crucial because without it, when adversity strikes, the "house falls over".
• A major hindrance to mental strength is the idea that "I'm special"—believing that your problems, pain, and trauma are unique and that nobody else knows what you are going through. Realizing you are not that special and you are not alone is key to getting through anything.
• Taking absolute personal responsibility is essential for success and empowerment. When people downplay their involvement, choices, and role in their life, they become essentially powerless and blame the world.
• Self-sabotage is common; the core struggle people face is always "themselves", not solely the external world.
• Embracing Kinesis (Movement): Do not stay still when stuck, fearful, or confused. Always create momentum and movement, even if you don't know the exact direction, as movement generates information and progress.
• Fearlessness vs. Being Fearful: You cannot be truly fearless. Instead, strive to live fearlessly, meaning you acknowledge fear but still try and do your best to live in it and embrace it. It is okay to be afraid and uncertain during the process.
• Emotional Self-Regulation: Being easily offended means you are easily manipulated. If you are reactive, you will sink your ship completely. When ruled by emotion, you make bad choices. In moments of intense emotion, make no decisions; avoid texting or calling, and remove yourself to go quiet and find stillness.
• Mastering Uncertainty: Resilient people do not have all the answers and do not need them to be okay. Embrace uncertainty; you don't need to figure out every problem right away. Just choose something and move through it.
• Addiction to Reliving Pain: Reliving traumatic moments or regrets (e.g., "I should have done this") activates the same part of the brain as cocaine, making the process addictive. Don't bathe in your problems; feel them to a point, but focus on moving forward (Kinesis) instead of endlessly analyzing why things happened.

How to Enhance Your Immune System - Dr Andrew Huberman with Dr Roger Seheult

My guest is Dr. Roger Seheult, M.D., a board-certified physician in internal medicine, pulmonary diseases, critical care, and sleep medicine at Loma Linda University. We discuss the powerful benefits of light therapy, including infrared light, red light, and sunlight, for improving mitochondrial function in all the body’s organs. We also explore ways to reduce the risk of influenza, colds, and other illnesses that affect the lungs, sinuses, and gut.

The NEWSTART Pillars of Health

Dr. Seheult uses the acronym NEWSTART, coined by Dr. Neil Nedley, to detail the fundamental pillars for improving general health and maintaining a healthy immune system:

• N: Nutrition, emphasizing natural, non-processed foods.
• E: Exercise, specifically mild-to-moderate physical activity, which helps reduce inflammation. Excessive, elite athletic training must be managed carefully to avoid illness.
• W: Water, covering both internal hydration (which affects sodium concentration and mortality risk) and external use (hydrotherapy, cold plunge, sauna), which can boost the innate immune system and interferon secretion.
• S: Sunlight, focusing on the effects of long-wavelength light (infrared) penetrating the skin to support mitochondrial function.
• T: Temperance, meaning avoiding toxins that would make you sick, such as smoking.
• A: Air, focusing not only on keeping bad things out (fresh air) but also on the positive qualities of air, such as phytoncides released during "forest bathing".
• R: Rest, including good sleep habits (7-8 hours per night) that support the immune system by managing cortisol and beta receptors.
• T: Trust, which includes trust in a higher power and Community, providing non-tangible ways to relieve stress.

The Powerful Impact of Sunlight and Red Light Therapy

The Secret Habits Of Supercommunicators - Chris Williamson with Charles Duhigg

Effective communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. While some excel at it naturally, others struggle to express themselves and often get misunderstood. So, what are the best tips to become a master communicator and elevate your communication skills?

The Foundational Skill of Communication

• Communication is often misunderstood as something that should happen "naturally"; however, effective communication is a set of skills that must be learned and practiced.
• Anyone can become a super communicator by committing to thinking about how they communicate and engaging in practice.
• Communication is considered the "superpower" of *Homo sapiens*, essential for building societies, forming families, and passing knowledge across generations.
• Due to its importance, people tend to judge others' "moral worth" based on their communication ability.
• Introversion and extroversion are seen less as hardwired traits and more as sets of habits developed based on how much time and space individuals give themselves to practice communication skills.

The Structure and Types of Conversation

What Traits Should You Look For In A Partner? - Chris Williamson with Dr Shannon Curry

Modern adult relationships are complicated. With endless talk of red flags, green flags, icks etc., it can be tough to know who’s truly worth your time. So how do you build a lasting, healthy relationship when you're ready for one? Expect to learn what the biggest red flags are to look out for in a partner, the green flags you should look for, the most common reasons why relationships fail, how to see the beauty instead of the challenges in your partner, how you can unlearn the way you argue, how to create longevity in a relationship, the best advice for stopping intrusive thoughts or unwanted worries about your partner, how to move on from heartbreak, and much more…

Relationships as Trade-Offs and Problem Sets

• Getting married or entering a relationship is fundamentally about choosing one person's faults over another's. There are "no solutions, only trade-offs" in relationships.
• Couples frequently exchange one type of discomfort for another (e.g., trading a partner who is unemotional but independent for one who is engaging but constantly needs attention).
• The realization that you are marrying a set of problems is freeing, as it normalizes the experience of recurring issues and removes the need to constantly search for something better.
• It is a myth that couples must solve every issue to be happy together. The majority of a couple's arguments (70%) are made up of arguments around "Perpetual Problems" (e.g., differing views on finances, in-laws, sex drive, or politics) that will never be fully solved.

Three Core Traits for Long-Term Relationship Success